Get your Priorities Straight

Authenticity, People & Relationships, The Self

blackhair

Having difficulty saying “No”? Tired of feeling guilty? Overcommitted but unfulfilled? Do yourself and everyone a favor – get your priorities straight!

I didn’t know I’ll thank myself later for it, when I declined someone’s invitation to join a trip. I knew it would be nice to go, and I’d definitely would want to spend time with the people there. However, this was tugging at my sleeve – the truth that I’ve already made up my mind on which to prioritize. My weekends have already been blocked off.

A few days later, after declining the said invitation, my grandmother mentioned a trip she has been planning with the rest of the family on the day the other trip was supposed to take place. I felt an opening inside, and a smile couldn’t help but slip off my lips – I said “Yes” in a heartbeat.

It’s the only kind of “Yes” that we deserve. That “Yes” that we don’t think twice for; that “Yes” that resonates with all of our being.

When we get our priorities straight, knowing when to say “No” and actually saying it will be a bit easier. Likewise, by doing so, we are opening up ourselves more to those opporunities that would really bring us joy. Less guilt, less stress, more fun and fulfillment!

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Allow and Connect

People & Relationships, The Self

cat

How do you forge a relationship with an animal?

You ground yourself.
You stay present,

with full acceptance of who you are
and what is.

You allow this creature, always free in spirit
to come to you.

To calm down,
to merge with your presence

with no expectations of the outcome
or the length of your time together.

How do you forge a relationship with another human?

You go back to the top.

Repeat.

Togetherness is only possible through Solitude

Healing, Life path, The Self

vinesAt some point we must confront the reality of our solitude; because it’s only through the fullness of experiencing our temporal solitary existence that genuine togetherness is made possible.

It can easily slip off our attention since it’s our default reality, like a fish in the water, but it’s in fact, one of the core facets (if not the major one) of being incarnated in a physical form – to be separated and alone.

Isn’t the journey about experiencing oneself, learning, expanding and finding our way back home?
Wiser, deeper – to wholeness, to unity.

 

A Leap in Perspective

Authenticity, Career, Creative Living, Healing, Life path, Life's Work, People & Relationships, The Self

needleplantI used to think that the only way I could fully live a spiritual life and be in an ecosystem of inspiring one another was by somehow working in the healing/intuitive arts. Lately though, probably as part of my spiritual progression, I’ve learned that –

1. If that is true, then that is very limiting. Not everyone is in or even comes close to the vicinity of healing/intuitive arts. How can we reach those/everybody if we just stay there? I don’t think the Universe is designed to be that way. If anything, we should spread out, expand ourselves, immerse ourselves in unfamiliar situations, engage with people who are different from us in some ways. In the process, learn, grow, be more integrated.

2. We are, by default, living spiritual lives because we are spiritual/energetic beings having a physical experience. We CANNOT NOT be spiritual.

3. Where else is best to live this so called full spiritual life other than where we already are doing what we already do?

Now I think that the goal is actually not to be a healer/a guide/a mentor/or just a spiritual person by profession or by being validated by a particular organization or institution, but to be all these things and so much more simply by choosing to embrace our truest self, our essence – which is love and light – and to show up in the world everyday embodying these where we are and with whoever we interact with.

We have all been touched by “common” people in profound ways;

be it a hairstylist who has shown us great love and compassion when we’re heartbroken, a stranger in the bus who radiated joy and kindness when we felt hopeless towards life, a family member who offered us advice we needed at that time, a colleague who we never thought of as a friend but who suddenly got our back during one of our personal storms, a deceased artist whose works have inspired us to take risks and go for our dreams.

To others, we have played these roles, too, without us knowing about it. We’ll never fully know the mark we leave on each other.

We gotta check in with ourselves. If our inquiry and path naturally leads us to the healing/intuitive arts then great and that will surely benefit all of us. If not, we must have the faith that probably where we are right now is where we can best grow and be of service to others.

You Can Love from a Distance

Faith, Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

key

pinkie

I’ve been on the fence regarding a particular relationship lately. This person has betrayed me, the people I love and continues to live a life of lies. It’s not easy for me to let go because he’s family. I’ve forgiven him though, and I’m at the point where I don’t know whether to cut ties or to make an effort to start anew. Neither seems to resonate with my spirit. I feel the capacity to love him unconditionally despite everything; however, this love comes from a higher place and I’m still grounded in this physical, earthly existence. I still have my earthly concerns; I’m still bounded by earthly laws.

I got my answer last night, as usual, as a mix of clairvoyant and clairaudient message. This is how I’d translated it:

Come up to your higher self and love him unconditionally, at the same time keep yourself grounded. Don’t avert your eyes from the truth.

Imagine yourself as a tree. As a tree, you don’t need to go after him to express your love. You may simply stay where you are, grounded in your spot. Let your love radiate. Let it bleed through your roots, into the earth and towards all life forms. Let it seep through your branches, up to your leaves and into the atmosphere.

Trust in nature’s ability to synthesize your love into various forms. She always does this.

You can love like this. This is still love. A certain distance will keep yourself protected. Your well-being matters, too. It matters the most.

Everywhere is love. All is made of love, anyway. Trust that life will take care of him even if it’s not, no longer through you.

Redefining Success

Authenticity, The Self

dancingSince I am entering a new era in my life, I’ve decided it would not only be helpful but also necessary to redefine what success means to me now.

Doing so would enable me more to find value and fulfillment in my journey as I proceed. It would also empower me to check on myself regularly and evaluate whether I am living from moment to moment in a manner that is authentic to me, then apply the changes I find necessary.

After what I’ve gone through these past few months, one thing keeps coming to the surface – the value of relationships. Relationships are what truly matter; relationship with ourselves, with other humans, with nature, with everything around us including the ones we can’t perceive. We’re happier when we share ourselves and our world with others, interacting with each other is also vital in growing our self-awareness and in traveling the path of our unique expansion.

As I enter this period of my life, I define success based on the quality of my relationships. It’s not based on anything external but only on things that I can influence. I would like to make sure that I am able to bring the following in each interaction I would have from hereon – Authenticity, Respect and Presence.

Being authentic requires me to get clear with my energy, my motivations, my intentions, my values, my biases, things I’m unsure of and the fullness of who I am even before I interact with someone else. This enables me to choose the aspects of me that I would like to share or that is relevant to be revealed in each interaction. Being authentic requires me to be accountable with how I handle my emotions and thoughts and use them to establish trust and camaraderie with who I am interacting with.

It is imperative for me to be respectful of myself and of others no matter what the situation is. It doesn’t matter how the interaction is going, what it is about and the intentions invested in. This means that I recognize the validity of opinions and emotions expressed and exchanged. It requires me to know and uphold my own boundaries and do the same for the ones I am interacting with. Each interaction is based on the fact that we are all created equal and are born free.

Once I’m able to get clear with what’s important, it follows that I expect myself to be fully present in each interaction I choose to participate in. I need to listen fully with all of my senses and take note of not only what’s being said but more importantly, what is not. This is where I must maximize my super power – empathy. Empathy will enable me to acquire all the information I need in each interaction. This ability will consequently empower me to make changes in thoughts, emotions and behavior suitable to pivot each into a pleasant and fruitful one.

For a new definition of success to have any bearing, I must stick to the essentials and avoid adding elements that would only make it complicated to follow through. The outcome of each interaction will always be beyond my sole control, therefore, it doesn’t make sense to list anything related to outcomes to expand my new definition. This also helps me to be unconditional in my evaluations.

This time around, as long as I am able to hold my end of the stick according to my values, I will consider each moment a success and my presence as sufficient and valuable. I will rely on my faith that whatever happens as a result of each interaction will lead to the right outcomes, opportunities and new possibilities for expansion for everyone.

This definition feels more authentic and nourishing to me. It also reflects my collaborative nature. 🙂

We’re Equals in Love

Meditation/Visions, People & Relationships, The Self, Women's Room

coupleI’ve had a particularly healing dream last night. I was my old self, in my early 20’s clinging to a guy who was not fully into the relationship as I was. Like some of us, women, I, too, have been in a series of toxic relationships with unavailable men (rather, boys), who were on the surface in varying types and degrees of unavailability but who were all just the same emotionally unavailable on the inside.

In my dream I initiated a conversation with my guy (who was faceless and nameless, more of an archetype than an actual person), “Won’t you be more present with me and more interested with me and our life together?”

He simply gave me this pained look, followed by a shrug that was all too familiar to me. He didn’t have the will to dump me ’cause having me was still convenient for him. But he was not with me either. You know how it usually goes with these guys and the situations us, ladies go through with them.

What happened next was something I wasn’t able to do in most of my relationships during those years, for I didn’t have the guts to draw the line then most of the time (therefore the same kind of relationship kept manifesting in my life), I said,

“If you don’t know what you really want, but it’s not me or not with me, if you can’t commit completely into this relationship like I can, then I don’t need you. I deserve someone who knows what he wants and who will stand for it the way I do.”

I walked out, leaving him having the same pained, teenage-boy-confused look. I didn’t look back.

I’ve long been able to transform myself and my relationships, including the one with my significant other of almost four years. But before the relationship materialized, I actually had to draw the line first, and tell him what I wanted out of our relationship. I told him he could either take it or leave it, but I wouldn’t compromise. I knew what I wanted with him, I knew what I wanted out of a relationship and if he turned out not to be up for it then he’s not the one for me.

I think The Universe and my Higher Self wanted me to share this story with others. It has come full circle for me now, I guess. That part of my life was completely over. The wound has been healed.

If you’ve been having a similar struggle in the relationship department, I am 100% sure you’ll find healing and resolution in your own empowerment, too. You deserve someone who knows and appreciates your light. We are all rooting for you.

Each relationship runs its own course

People & Relationships, The Self

girlsThe other day I asked my higher self why despite working on my relationship with this particular person (I’m not talking about my life partner), why won’t it lead to more affection and more intimacy?

That’s what this post is about.

My higher self gave me this profound answer:

Each relationship runs its own course. Achieving complete connection between two people doesn’t always translate to more affection and more intimacy. It doesn’t mean you’re gonna be sharing more of yourselves or having more fun and meaningful experiences together. In some relationships, complete connection manifests in calmness, in the absence of conflict (when there used to be a lot of it), in the absence of the desire to control the other to adhere to one’s expectations. Sometimes complete connection simply means honoring the differences between the two of you and respecting the uniqueness of the other. Sometimes, two people simply have more differences than similarities that sharing more experiences together is more of a struggle than something which happens naturally.

I’ve always wanted my relationship with this person to be full of sharing and understanding. I want us to help each other go through our lives and achieve what we define for ourselves as success. But the more I struggle for that to happen the more that I feel frustrated. Maybe it’s time for me to realize that the idea of what our relationship could be is just and will remain to be a fantasy. Maybe it’s never meant to be that way. Maybe how we are at present is how it’s all ever going to be and that our relationship has ran its own course. I should be at peace with it and stop myself from trying to get more out of it/or stop myself from pushing it to be something it’s not and will never be.

Rearranging perspectives

People & Relationships, The Self

defenses

greenbgI believe being mean comes from the feeling of insecurity and that it’s an attempt to be in control in one way or another. When I am behaving in a mean way, it’s usually because I felt hurt and therefore threatened as well. I wanna bring back my presence and illusion of power by resorting to acting mean. This happens so automatically that if I am not aware of myself enough, it’s difficult to catch myself as it happens and correct my course of action.

We encounter people acting this way regularly everywhere – when we get up early in the morning and our mom or partner is already irritated for reasons we don’t understand, when we commute to work and we see drivers or passengers spilling wrath around them because of somebody’s little honest mistake, when we unintentionally disappoint our colleagues, our customers/clients, our bosses at work and their whole day gets ruined and we take the blow.

I used to quickly jump into conclusions when I experience these things. I would immediately rant inside my head about how mean this and that person is. But lately since I’ve become more aware of myself, too, I’ve become more understanding of others’ behavior as well. I would say most of the time, people are not really mean, they just act mean because they feel overwhelmed or powerless (which can mean the same thing at times).

Therefore, the right reaction is not to “get even” with them. It’s not wise to push back (well, unless your goal is to start a fight). If our goal is unity and harmony (and not proving your point), the appropriate reaction, I’d say, would be to embrace humility. First of all, we must acknowledge our contribution to the person’s feeling of upset, in case there is. If there is or there isn’t, the next thing to do is to understand how could the other person be feeling. We must put ourselves into his/her position to understand more how human he/she is behaving. Once we get a sense of it, we can identify the appropriate response that would make them less hurt, less overwhelmed and generally, less defensive. There are a few ways to respond. We can verbally/or in writing, acknowledge how they’re feeling and express how sorry we are that they’re feeling that way. We can explain that while it’s not our intention, we simply misunderstood them, or we were careless, or we were just not aware of what we should have done. By letting our own defenses down, we bring them closer to our side. Next thing is to provide them with a reassurance by giving them a game plan or a solution on what we’ll do to make up for our mistake or how we can avoid it from happening again.This is important for them to calm down and get back to trusting us again.

Saying sorry is not enough. We have to prove our sincerity by providing a clear description of what we’re gonna do or avoid doing in the future in case the same situation comes up.

I’ve practically been using this strategy both in my personal and professional relationships. I even do this with strangers (it’s in fact very useful with strangers). It doesn’t only help get the work done (whatever that may be) by keeping in harmony with those around me but it also helps my mood and sets my perspective and attitude in ways that are empowering for me. It makes me less defensive, less anxious, less unhappy when I obviously did something which upsets another person. It also makes me even more aware of my own thoughts, emotions and behavior.

It also feels nice to be sad with someone you Love

People & Relationships, The Self

couple2You’ll know you’re in the presence of someone who loves you when you feel the freedom to show them you’re a mess while saying “Yes, I am sad.” Period. Of course, you would discuss the reason why, with your full sad puppy face on. But you don’t have to explain more than the bare details. They would understand completely why you’re feeling that bad. They would, of course, try to brainstorm with you with the intention of cheering you up and because they really want to help you out, too. This definitely helps.

Although, sometimes, what helps you more is the fact that there is someone who is comfy enough to join you and look at you in your momentary sadness, without wanting to take you to optimism paradise in an instant.

The conversation can move further, naturally. You may start talking about other shitty things that happened to you or to those you know, you can even talk shit together to let steam off, you can even make fun of yourselves and the situation. Eventually, you’d just end up seeing yourselves laughing together at your private wicked conversation.

Then you realize, the goal  here is not to achieve a spotless life where nothing ever goes wrong, but instead, it’s about building your  life surrounded with people that help you go through all the ups and downs and the merry-go-rounds of life and always coming out stronger, wiser and with a bigger and deeper heart!

Working on happiness is not just a solitary activity. Happiness can be achieved using teamwork, too!  We should do whatever works for us. Sometimes, we can only achieve it on our own, in the stillness of our own presence. Other times, we need the help of others, too, because after all, we’re on the same boat here.