Why Others’ Autonomy is Dependent on Ours

Life path, Life's Work, The Self

dancingWe can’t assist others in finding their own strength if we never let go of their hand, if we never give them the chance to take the risk to fall down and get back up – do it all again until they figure it out.

We’re not helping others in cultivating trust in life and in themselves if we never leave them alone in their path; if we always string them along ours or if we keep on making decisions for them.

We can’t teach others how to be autonomous in their own life by not being autonomous in ours first.

Most of the time, the best that we can do to help those in need of assistance is to actually get so focused on our own path that we’ve got no time to enable others in their small-mindedness. Let life be our teacher; let our higher self be our champion.

Advertisements

The Go-Getter Mindset

Creative Living, Life path, Life's Work, Manifestation, People & Relationships, The Self

lizmayvWhen you believe something is missing or needs to change – opt for the better way; don’t resort to complaining and feeling helpless – get started and do something about it. This may not entirely address the situation, but it’s a way to start the momentum in the direction you want it to go.

If you’re in the right place, with the right people, at the right time, and if your concerns make sense – your efforts will be met with support. If not then maybe it’s not the right time yet or maybe it’s better for you to simply move on.  Your brilliance and sincerity are better spent somewhere else.

No one will hand you want you want. Big girl, you gotta go get it.

 

Rock the Boat

Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

confused…and watch how others scramble around.  Watch ourselves scramble. Those who can get their balance back will become more grounded and capable, while those who can’t will probably end up throwing themselves off in the water.

This is how we grow. It’s either we rock the boat we are in or life rocks the shit out of us.

Turning Fear into our Greatest Ally

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

lostDo you know a cool way to determine how much you’ve grown?

Look back a few years from now, a few months from now, even a few weeks, days, hours and minutes from now – and identify which fears you have tamed, mastered, overcame. Really scan your body, your memories for those things that used to make you feel suneasy, terrified, anything that has kept you from doing certain things you’ve wanted to do.

List those fears that are your fears no more.

I see those as stepping stones. Some even feel like mountain ranges, volcanoes, and even heavenly bodies crashing into earth.

No matter how big or small we perceive them to be, how life-changing they may have been, they have taken us this far in our journey. They are our warrior trophies.

It’s not only a good way of reflecting how much we have grown but also a good way of reframing our perspective towards fear itself. By having this new outlook, it becomes possible to look at fear not as something to be avoided at all cost but as something to be curious about.

Fear has the key to the next level of our journey. It leads us to the door of our further expansion.

Some of the fears I have overcame were:

Fear of saying “No”. Fear of saying I don’t want this certain (insert situation, relationship, habit, way of living, etc.) anymore. Knowing well the consequences and still stepping on the brakes. Against all odds, choosing my own well-being and integrity.

Confronting the truth of another person. Facing the fact that the person I loved, admired, trusted, good friends with may actually be unhealthy for me. Accepting their humanity and letting my ideations of them go.

Taking chances (fear of rejection and heartache). Going for some of my biggest dreams. Embracing the possibility that I can manifest the career that I wanted. Making the first move to make a loving partnership happen. Going for the things that I deeply wanted with the risk of getting rejected and beaten. Going for them, anyway.

Putting my art (and inevitably, myself) out there (again, fear of rejection and embarrasment). Believing that me and my art have a place in this world, that we are meant to be seen. That somewhere out there, there are those who will be entertained and/or inspired by what we are aching to offer.

Being alone (and not “making it”). Yes, even the most introverted person like me can still have fears of being alone. I love solitude so much and I need it like a fish needs to be in the water. Despite the fact, I used to have this existential fear – that I’m sure most of us can resonate with – of uncertainty whether I can really be autonomous over my life. You know what I did? I embraced that fear. I ended codependent relationships, stopped chasing things that were obviously running away from me, I traveled solo, I built my path with my bare hands and feet – tried and failed, tried and failed – and then tried and succeeded.

This approach has helped me a lot! It’s handy especially during those times when I feel like a total loser, like I’m not really going anywhere and I’m just running in place. Fear has a powerful way of holding us hostage in our own life, in our own mind. But by flipping the switch of our perspective, we can turn fear from being our worst foe into our greatest ally.

May your fears lead you the way to your own alignment.

Be Unconditional

Faith, Manifestation, The Self

bohemia

There will always be those who would measure you up and put you in a box they’ve created.

There will be times when you’ll be weighed like dead meat and nobody will give a fuck about how you feel.

You will be Ignored. Unseen. Forgotten.

You won’t always get a prize for being treated like an underdog/feeling like a martyr.

You won’t always have the chance/ability to create your epic comeback.

There’s no guarantee that new opportunities/blessings/valuable lessons will come out of those situations –

maybe, except for

The lesson of how to be Unconditional.
How to love yourself Unconditionally.
How to embrace life Unconditionally.

To know that you’re worth is not dependent on what happens or doesn’t happen to you.

To know you’ll be fine just the same whether you get what you want and what you deserve – or not.

To have the maturity to accept that you’re not always gonna have it your way, that other people’s freewill and how the Universe works deserve to be respected, too, even if they don’t fully make sense to you.

To know that at the end of it all, your spirit cannot be contained, you will never cease to exist and that life is always in your favor, and even if it doesn’t feel that way, we are all created equal.

Forgive

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

blueflowerForgiveness is inevitable if one longs to be free and fully at peace.

We may be blinded at times, mistaking our anger for self-love or self-righteousness, when in reality, it’s our last ditch effort to hold on to the past, to cling so desperately to what’s no longer serving us out of fear of the unknown.

Sometimes our inability to forgive merely signifies our reluctance to say goodbye.

We’re the only ones who can hold ourselves in prison. We have the key.

This process is internal. We need not even do anything interactive. No need to talk to the other person, not even to write a farewell note. This process may climax to a particular event – but this remains mostly in solitude. Forgiveness happens on a spiritual plane. It’s simply a release – of everything we’ve been holding on to that’s no longer serving us; our pain, our grudges, our disappointments, false hopes, regrets and all else in between and beyond.

It’s unpacking our heavy load so we can proceed with our journey with more energy.

If we wanna move forward, if we want to live our life to the fullest…we must forgive.

A Love Note to the Wounded

Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, Personal Stories, The Self

purple

When you’re hurting, don’t cave inside yourself. Keep your heart open. Let love and light fill you in.

You’ll heal only in your vulnerability.

Let the Universe plant a seed where there’s a hole or a sore spot. Let that seed grow with you in light and love. Let it guide you towards the direction of your expansion and your highest joy. Let the plant, the tree keep you grounded.

Let it transform you. Let it reveal your inherent strength and beauty.

Integrate the pain and transmute it. Rise up.

Why do we Relapse?

Healing, The Self

upOkay, let’s say we get it right for a couple of days, for a few weeks, a few months and even a few years. Then at some point during our progress, we relapse, we go back to our old problematic situation – may it be a previous lifestyle, a disposition, relationships, habits, and just the very thing – anything – we have set our mind to get over with for good.

Why does this happen?

I know it’s frustrating and sometimes complex, but the answer can also be as simple as this:

Because we stop working on it.

Any kind of change worthy of our effort needs our dedication just like physical work out. We gotta do it regularly and even level up the intensity if we want to see progress. Our muscles get back to how they were or even in worse shape when we stop working out. We can’t just work out intensely for a few months and expect that it’s gonna do it for the rest of our lives. We need to be continuously on it, regardless if we’re in the mood or not for it, regardless if we feel like we’re getting back to how we were or not…yet. We usually stop when it either gets better or worse – and things are always gonna go either way, anyway.

Healthy habits have to be practiced consciously, consistently, especially when it’s difficult, since those times are probably when we are at our most vulnerable…to hit a wall or relapse.

Many of us think that we can just get over something for good.

Maybe scientifically, technically, yes, there are qualifiers and there is a need to do that as well. But not essentially. It’s a pretty subjective matter and things are open-ended until, well, we die. We just cannot get over our humanity until then. We are always subject to evolution.

Likewise, we may need to stamp on an issue for our own self-esteem and peace of mind, and that is certainly not a bad thing to do if doing so actually helps. However, for many of us, this only puts an intolerable pressure that backfires when we realize we can’t keep up with our own expectations. This only makes us more critical of ourselves and of others which can lead us into another (maybe worse) downward spiral.

What helped me with my struggle with chronic depression and my fears of relapsing (again) was accepting that it’s probably gonna be one of crosses until I die. I am probably more likely to be depressed because of how I am wired and there’s certainly nothing I can do to change that, and I wouldn’t want to, anyway. It’s only after being able to accept it that I felt powerful over it again.

It’s a struggle and also a beacon of light for me, guiding me on how I should be taking care of myself. It’s a constant reminder of all the healthy habits I should be embodying, not out of fear, but out of genuine self-awareness and self-love. It reminds me of how I won the battles of my life, which only proves how indestructible my spirit is, which only inspires me to move forward in my path.

Many times, I have wished, too, of a button that we could simply press to transform ourselves and our lives with for once and for all. But eventually I have realized what’s the point of life then if such a thing existed?

The narratives of our lives are about our struggles, transformations and triumphs. The Universe hopes that we learn to appreciate them more; to see them as beautiful and full of meaning – and to just. keep. going.

Sometimes what we really need is Solitude and some serious inner work, not Catharsis

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

communication

seaWhen I was in my early twenties, I used to obsess on getting my communication “right”. I just had to come to the person directly or put my thoughts into writing to “clear things up”. I neither stopped to assess whether she/he was ready for it nor if I should even bother talking about the issue at all. I thought I was being mature. Because I was a writer, I even thought that getting into the roughest details was a gift I was offering. When I wasn’t doing those, I would turn to my friends for a ranting spree. To my surprise, more conflict only gravitated towards me as a result, and those people who I sincerely wanted to be in good terms with only end up hating me. Voila! I have hurt them in vain.

There are still times, even at this point, when I would be “completely honest” thinking that that was what was needed to iron out a situation, or to give myself peace of mind, only to find out in horror how bad an idea it was.

On the other hand, I’ve been able to resolve deep seated issues without ever talking or writing to the person who I felt has hurt me or talking about it with anybody. I have successfully worked through them myself, armed with my connection with the Divine. It may have taken me years, and even decades, to do that, but I know that there’s no better way to go through my healing, anyway.

I think I’ve pretty much lived long enough and I have fucked up enough as well to assess both scenarios.

Now I am in a pretty confident place to say that communication with others is not always necessary for closure and healing to take place (nor does ranting about it). It may not even be beneficial.

Here are my points on why I think that is so:

1. First of all, let’s be honest, a heart-to-heart dialogue is not really the rule in our reality, but an exception. 

tiedThinking that it should take place before healing or resolution can take place is a sure and fast way to disempower ourselves. We are never in control of anybody else, and expecting them to cooperate with our idea of “mature resolution” only hands them the upper hand. By doing so we are trapped in convincing them to behave and feel a certain way first before we can get to our desired disposition.

 

We need to validate ourselves instead.

 

2. People are usually in different levels of consciousness. 

waveYes, even if they’re identical twins who have lived their lives sleeping in the same bedroom.

It’s not merely about experiencing the same situation differently, but more importantly, having different abilities and filters by which to perceive and interpret life experiences in general. People have, more often than not, extremely contrasting interests due to a variety of factors like their age, nationality, temperament, upbringing, current struggles, how they define pleasure, how they want their life to be, and so on and so forth.

The reality is, sometimes, some people just won’t be able to meet halfway. Sometimes we just can’t be on the same page with another person and no amount of “honest talk” can change that.

Sometimes, the only thing that can heal up a conflict is, as the cliche goes, time…and I would add, mindful silence.

Forcing people to reconcile at this stage usually only backfires.

 

3. We need more time to process our emotions than we usually think.

pillowsWhen I mean more time, I mean, we sometimes need years, decades even and tons of life experiences in between for our thoughts and emotions to percolate.

Sometimes our initial opinions and feelings about what just happened/what is happening are not really what we’ll find when the dust settles.

This is why barging through the door and airing out our opinions, prematurely, sometimes only stunt or totally annihilate whatever resolution is brewing underneath.

Sometimes what we need is to reach a certain level of maturity first to view the same situation in a more realistic way.

 

4. Some Many things are better left unsaid. 

sitExpressing ourselves without filters on can feel good. But this movement about “be yourself, express yourself” doesn’t teach us to embody this with caution.

Well definitely we can be in-your-face honest with a few people who we can justify this behavior with. But when we are talking about people who matter to us and who we have genuine, caring relationships with, taking this advice at face value could do more harm than good.

There are some things that, may be true for us, but that may just hurt them to no avail. We need to check with ourselves first and ask, “Will expressing these things move our relationship to a deeper level? Will it lead to a better understanding of some sort or will this just blur out my good intentions?”

We need to be cautious about the thin line between “brutally honest” and “brutally critical” if what we really desire for is a peaceful resolution and a higher level of awareness (many times “brutally honest” won’t even make the cut.)

Sometimes, taking a step back, is what we have to do instead to save a relationship and/or all the goodness that are worth saving.

5. Sometimes what we really need is solitude and some serious inner work, not catharsis. 

Venting out our emotions may feel good, really good. But it doesn’t always lead to integration and growth.

solitudeIn truth, getting into the habit of talking about our issues, may even be the very thing that holds us back and keeps us in a cycle of frustration.

By not taking enough time to be alone with our own thoughts and feelings we are robbing ourselves of the opportunity to know ourselves more. If our initial response to them is to turn to others, instead of listening to them in the privacy of our own spirit, we will surely miss all the valuable information they have in store for us which can guide us into making decisions and changes that are good for us.

Likewise, crises’ purpose is to usher us into a higher level of consciousness. They’re meant to assist us in remembering our true divine nature and what life is really about. On the surface it may look like we’re having an issue with another person, but if we take the time to go inwards, we’ll always see that it’s pointing at something about ourselves that we need to heal.

I’d say any day that addressing that internal issue first is more important than working on resolving an external, interpersonal one. Efforts put on the latter before the former would be futile, anyway.

Communication with others is not always necessary for closure and healing to take place. It may be a part of them or a result of them, but definitely not a prerequisite. We all have the capacity to go through these processes on our own – and sometimes, in truth, that’s what we need to be doing.

Bask in the Sunlight, it’s your Divine Right

Faith, Life path, Manifestation, The Self

fruition

A mango tree never berates itself for not bearing fruits yet, even though many have long been waiting. It knows that a time stamp has been implanted in its Spirit back when it was still a seed. It anticipates its own blossoming, but doesn’t obsess about it. It knows how to appreciate all the stages and cycles of life.

It doesn’t ruminate and struggle with low self-esteem or ennui during the years that it has to go through without bearing a single fruit. It knows its already worthy and loved as it is.

Related post: In Praise of Divine Timing

bohemia