You are stronger than all of your fears. You are gonna be fine.
The only way we can finally heal ourselves is by having the courage to get back up
and begin again.
Try again. Open yourself up for rejection again.
That’s how one fully gets over past hurts that have blocked one’s heart.
Healing isn’t dependent on someone else’s acceptance of you.
Healing is dependent on your decision to believe and hope again.
That’s the only way you’ll know your heart is back on fire.
Each person, each relationship, each interaction we have in our daily life is meant to help us become more fully ourselves – including, and most especially the ones that are not particularly in our liking.
Notice that when we encounter someone we feel even a slight annoyance to, that we automatically bring out a part of ourselves we don’t always embody. When we get triggered by an interaction/a person, doesn’t it feel like alarm bells are ringing, alerting us to a part of ourselves that need our attention?
It could be an aspect of ourselves that needs healing or unconditional acceptance – or it could be a part of ourselves that we need to bring out more often. We need these relationships as mirrors to show us what needs balancing within us.
Maybe if you had a more competent boss, maybe you wouldn’t even have discovered that you’ve got leadership qualities simply because there won’t be a need for them. Maybe if your parents were not that authoritative, maybe you wouldn’t have learned how to set healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. Maybe if you never experienced being in a codependent relationship, maybe you wouldn’t have learned who you really are and how to truly love yourself.
We help each other become more authentic and more mature without even knowing it.
We do this for each other without knowing it. It’s that honorable time in our life when we are not asked to do anything but to stand strong in our power and hold the cup of our overflowing love for someone who needs it – so they can go down on their knees, break down and surrender. We are neither asked to take the punches for them nor to come up with creative solutions. Our role, in fact, is to NOT interfere, to let them go through this on their own – because they need this fight to learn and grow, to let go of everything that doesn’t reflect who they really are and who they wanna be.
We serve as their witness, as they go through this sacred transformation. We uphold their cup of love for them until they’re ready to take it back
and give it a home again.
Life can get tough, but the Universe doesn’t leave us alone in our journey. The Universe understands that while we need to go through our own path to learn what we set out to learn and accomplish, we also need not forget who we really are.
In my life, I’ve always had those beings who remind of me of my natural tenderness – humans, animals, nature,. Tthey hold my hand, smile at me, persistently ask me to play and have fun, to sit and relax, to listen to my heart. Many times, I’ve learned to build up a shell around my heart as a way of protecting myself, and many times when the need for it subsides, these beings always do their work of breaking it up either piece-by-piece or in one blow.
It took a while for me to connect the dots and see the meaning in these relationships, and the presence of these beings in my life. Many times I’ve thought how undeserving I was of their love. But maybe, my human mind just can’t fathom the unconditionality of pure love. And maybe we are also part of this pure love even though it’s difficult to feel that way in our human form with all our complexities and struggles.
Nevertheless I am thankful beyond words can express. The Universe has always been unfailing in sending me all the help and love that I need.
Imagine you find yourself lost in the middle of the desert, it won’t make sense to turn back, right? Most probably your best choice is to keep moving forward along the path you’re in until you find an oasis, and eventually your very own destination.
Hence, we don’t succeed in the same way, at the same time.
Hence, not everyone appreciates the same view.
On the other hand, if you warm yourself up first, get your focus right and allow yourself to reach your natural optimal pace, you become more equipped to stay in the game longer – and even get better as you go. As the journey progresses, you may even surpass a lot of those who started at top speed, those who were initially ahead of you.
As the saying goes, “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” You’re here for the long haul. You’re here to evolve.
It’s not just about how fast you go, at the end of the day it’s about the quality of the journey you create. Is it pleasant to you for the most part or does it feel more like torture? Are you enjoying the sights and sounds? The insights you get? The ways you’re growing? The company of the people you share experiences with?
Do you have the soul-space to be fully present in each moment and savor the last drop of it or do you keep on wishing it’s over?
How do you think the people around you perceive you and your journey? Do you think they feel inspired just by looking at how you go through it and by who you are becoming because of it? Or do you end up discouraging them before they even begin embarking on their own?
These questions are as important as the ones we ask ourselves everytime we’re plotting our course and defining our goals.
Our intentions frame the choices we make, and the choices we make end up creating the kind of life we live.
Get clear with your intentions. Set your own pace. Build yourself to last – and have a good time!
Look back a few years from now, a few months from now, even a few weeks, days, hours and minutes from now – and identify which fears you have tamed, mastered, overcame. Really scan your body, your memories for those things that used to make you feel suneasy, terrified, anything that has kept you from doing certain things you’ve wanted to do.
List those fears that are your fears no more.
I see those as stepping stones. Some even feel like mountain ranges, volcanoes, and even heavenly bodies crashing into earth.
No matter how big or small we perceive them to be, how life-changing they may have been, they have taken us this far in our journey. They are our warrior trophies.
It’s not only a good way of reflecting how much we have grown but also a good way of reframing our perspective towards fear itself. By having this new outlook, it becomes possible to look at fear not as something to be avoided at all cost but as something to be curious about.
Fear has the key to the next level of our journey. It leads us to the door of our further expansion.
Some of the fears I have overcame were:
Fear of saying “No”. Fear of saying I don’t want this certain (insert situation, relationship, habit, way of living, etc.) anymore. Knowing well the consequences and still stepping on the brakes. Against all odds, choosing my own well-being and integrity.
Confronting the truth of another person. Facing the fact that the person I loved, admired, trusted, good friends with may actually be unhealthy for me. Accepting their humanity and letting my ideations of them go.
Taking chances (fear of rejection and heartache). Going for some of my biggest dreams. Embracing the possibility that I can manifest the career that I wanted. Making the first move to make a loving partnership happen. Going for the things that I deeply wanted with the risk of getting rejected and beaten. Going for them, anyway.
Putting my art (and inevitably, myself) out there (again, fear of rejection and embarrasment). Believing that me and my art have a place in this world, that we are meant to be seen. That somewhere out there, there are those who will be entertained and/or inspired by what we are aching to offer.
Being alone (and not “making it”). Yes, even the most introverted person like me can still have fears of being alone. I love solitude so much and I need it like a fish needs to be in the water. Despite the fact, I used to have this existential fear – that I’m sure most of us can resonate with – of uncertainty whether I can really be autonomous over my life. You know what I did? I embraced that fear. I ended codependent relationships, stopped chasing things that were obviously running away from me, I traveled solo, I built my path with my bare hands and feet – tried and failed, tried and failed – and then tried and succeeded.
This approach has helped me a lot! It’s handy especially during those times when I feel like a total loser, like I’m not really going anywhere and I’m just running in place. Fear has a powerful way of holding us hostage in our own life, in our own mind. But by flipping the switch of our perspective, we can turn fear from being our worst foe into our greatest ally.
May your fears lead you the way to your own alignment.
At some point we must confront the reality of our solitude; because it’s only through the fullness of experiencing our temporal solitary existence that genuine togetherness is made possible.
It can easily slip off our attention since it’s our default reality, like a fish in the water, but it’s in fact, one of the core facets (if not the major one) of being incarnated in a physical form – to be separated and alone.
Isn’t the journey about experiencing oneself, learning, expanding and finding our way back home?
Wiser, deeper – to wholeness, to unity.