Jesus reincarnated in my life – to literally Sleep in my bedroom

Faith, Life path, The Self

needleplant​I’ve been berating myself lately for taking the retreat I knew I needed, too. I’ve been feeling anxious; going back and forth in my mind, obsessing on finding new resolutions, new action points that could push me forward in my path. I couldn’t keep myself from asking the Universe, “What’s next? What should I be doing at this point?”

All I’ve been getting was the guidance to stay still, to allow myself to go through this process and above all, to have more patience.

Maybe the Universe knew that all its past efforts were no longer enough to hold me together. I remained anxious. So it sent me a more lasting, more concrete and a more compelling ​(and really funny) ​reminder.

Yesterday, as I was walking towards my bedroom, coming out from the bathroom, my view somehow brushed over the top of an old bookshelf. At first I thought my mind was just playing tricks on me. But ​as soon as ​I got closer to confirm what I thought I had seen, ​I knew I was right – on top was a sculpture of Jesus, sleeping like a baby.

I was raised a Catholic, and all my life the images I’ve mostly seen of J​esus were him crucified on the cross, risen from the dead, preaching in public or making miracles. So just imagine my disbelief and amusement when I saw this sculpture.

I’m not religious, but I have a personal affinity with stories about him. I think he’s a very wise and kind person. He’s someone I can be friends with, someone I can trust.

“How could it be there all this time and I haven’t even noticed? Where did this come from? And how come I noticed it now?”, were my initial thoughts.

Two seconds later though,​ I was already grabbing him by his tummy. I kidnapped Jesus and put him in the altar in my bedroom where my “good-vibes things” chill side-by-side. And he is, literally, the most chill one there now.

Since then every time I start to feel anxious again and lie in bed fully awake – I look at Jesus in complete surrender, trusting that he’s safe to take a rest as long as he needs to.

The Universe’s reminder can never be more clear than this.


If Love and Compassion don’t make superhumans, I don’t know what does – I don’t know what can

People & Relationships, The Self


handsMany times I would catch myself staring at my mom – like in a movie, when suddenly the world goes slow-mo but only for the point of view of a particular character. It usually happens in the most pivotal parts of the story – when a car is about to hit a kid as he runs across the street going after his soccer ball or when lovers are about to be united, only the girl gets shot by her other lover. These are morbid examples, but I assume you get my point. It always has something to do with your entire life flashing in front of your very eyes and there’s nothing on this Earth you can do to control the unfolding.

These moments, though, are about my awe-and-almost-to-the-point-of-disbelief as to how my mother can love the way she does.

I would catch her behind my father, inside the car, leaning closely on his back, probably listening to him talking about something mundane, but listening carefully, still. I must have dipped into another dimension or so, ’cause in that moment, it’s as if I had sensed her love and light as physical things.

It’s as if I saw them around her, like a halo, not only surrounding her head but her entire body. As the scene went slow-mo I knew – I knew how much she loved him, as if I was an alien and I just discovered human love for the first time. It was a revelation to me.

I  have always struggled with her decision to stay with my father despite all the hurt and trouble he’s caused her. I have always thought she lacked self-love and self-respect. However, in that moment, she was nothing but radiating pure love. I didn’t sense any codependency or foolishness from her. She was like an angel – grounded in her true nature, strong and full of compassion.

Days ago, a similar thing happened, this time it directly involved me. We were in the middle of an intense confrontation early in the morning and I was acting like a full-blown crazy person. I have said hurtful things to her out of overwhelm. The more she reached out to me, the higher the walls I put up around me. The more she wanted to connect, the more I backed off from her.

She was aiming for unity and resolution from the very beginning, and I was gearing myself up for an all-out war.

As I was blurting out hurtful things (with no intention to hurt her, but only because the situation called for honesty), the scene went slow-mo again and I actually started hearing myself talking. My words were like daggers. They shoot out everywhere. I thought they must have stabbed her in all her most vulnerable spots.

I was expecting she would arm up in total defense, but to my awe and almost-disbelief again, there she was – radiating pure light energy.

She was silent, not because she was waiting for her turn to hurt me, but because she was listening to me with the intent to understand and even comfort me. It made me wonder, how can that be possible?

How can one rise above rejection and feel compassion for the other instead? How can she love me when I was hurting her? How can she even dare to listen to me when I was acting like a total spoiled bitch?

Or maybe she didn’t see me that way. Maybe I was not. Maybe she really saw my pain and felt my humanity.

Are we even the same species? ‘Cause I don’t know for a fact if I have loved like that, if I can love like that. Again, it’s as if I was an alien, discovering love for the first time. It’s all puzzling to me.

Many of us think that we know love so well. We throw “I love you’s” like pebbles everywhere. We write poems and songs about love. We create movies about love. We even swear in the name of love.

We think we know love so well until we hit our limits, until we bump our heads in the ceiling of what we thought it was.

Love. Compassion. These are such big words. These are the same things Jesus from the Bible teaches us about. Love your enemies? Forgive seventy times seven? Redeem and ask God for forgiveness those people who have put you on the cross to suffer and die?

Jesus and my mom must be the same species. Their hearts are so…advanced.

I couldn’t even love those people who are simply annoying me. They’re not even my enemies. I find it so difficult to forgive even those people who didn’t intend to hurt me and in fact, continue to care for me. My concept of love and compassion is so tiny that many times it’s not even enough for me. I still struggle when it comes to loving even myself.

I remember a time when I asked my mom how she did it – enjoying moments with my father despite all her frustrations about him and their relationship. She simply told me,

“Just love. Just enjoy each moment, each experience. Just be happy. Just love.”

I was struggling with my own relationship with him and I couldn’t find my footing. I couldn’t bear to just “enjoy the moment” with him. Whenever we were together, I brought all my resentments with me.

Hearing that advice from her made me feel like a totally unevolved human being. I had no soul at all. I asked myself, “How the fuck am I gonna do that?”

Now whenever I go to church and hear about stories of Jesus, stories about love and compassion, I always pray and say,

Teach me how to love like you. Help me understand that what makes us human is not our ability to love those who are easy to love, when it’s easy to love them but our ability to love those who are most difficult to love, when it’s the most difficult to love them. Help me transcend my limitations and know that without this kind of love we are nothing. Nothing else matters.

This kind of love gives me goosebumps. It’s the same feeling I get when I join mass protests or when I watch a soul-baring musical performance. This kind of love offers us a glimpse of the Divine inside us, all around us. This gets me thinking, if love and compassion don’t make superhumans, I don’t know what does – I don’t know what can.

I don’t think there’s anything else that can connect us better to the Divine than those. If there isn’t a love like this, where would we be? With all our flaws and unlovability without this kind of love who could have we become – or rather, who could have we NOT become?

Conversations with Jesus – Part 3 (Life Difficulties and The Heroine’s/Hero’s Journey)

Life path, Meditation/Visions, The Self


artistMe: What are heartaches and hardships for? Why do we incarnate to experience those?

Jesus: We don’t wanna live in theories – we all know theories are only possible because of practice. Theories can also only expand because of practice. The Universe is not a static one – it’s alive, it evolves. Physical reality is important because it makes it possible to bring ideas to physical forms, it’s a place where feelings and thoughts turn into physical manifestations and where choices have real life consequences. We can see how action and reaction are related more clearly. This makes us learn more.

Heartaches and hardships are a result of what doesn’t align with the Universal truths. They’re manifestations of what we are thinking, feeling and doing that is just simply wrong in the logic of the Divine – those which do not uphold and expand Life.

Difficulties give us opportunities to transcend our limited perspective – they point us in the right direction. They point us to the Light – to Source. Our challenge in the physical form is to transcend all that limits us and find our way back to Source. It’s easier said than done, definitely – and that’s the point. Without the difficulties we won’t expand so much.

It’s as though each of us is thrown into a maze and we have to use everything we’ve got to find our way. Our angels and spirit guides are there to guide us through our journey – couching us on where to turn, leap, duck, crawl, walk, run – and when to stand or sit still. Obstacles are faced and “enemies” appear – which could either break us or make us into the Super Heroine/Hero we’re meant to be. If you fail the maze and hit “Game Over” – you could always repeat it – But who wants to repeat the same game? It only makes sense to do it once and for all and move on to the new one. *winks

That’s the simplest way I could describe it. No wonder why humans are enamored by super heroine/hero stories –  because they accurately describe what each is going through and who can each become by accepting her/his own heroine’s/hero’s journey.

Conversations with Jesus – Part 2 (Redemption and Life Purpose)

Life path, Meditation/Visions, The Self


waveMe: Let’s talk about mission…life purpose. Is it true that you’re the Son of God (therefore, a God, too) sent by God to redeem humanity of their sins?

Jesus: Like I’ve told you, religions like to craft stories based on their political agenda and the consciousness level of the time. Probably most of the time the intentions are good – but the consciousness of the humans are limited so the stories can be backward and disempowering in many ways.

Likewise, like I’ve told you, nobody can “save” anybody else but themselves and their direct, indestructible connection with Source (or God as many would like to call it). I can’t “save” anybody else but myself like any human – and I was a human. I incarnated on Earth. My intention (and the Source’s intention, too) was to set up an example of how to carry your cross (physical existence), go through life and transcend (resurrect, ascend) from it as a more expanded Spirit.

I was the “Son of God” in some religious’ people words – like any human. Each of you came from Source, therefore you’re all “sons and daughters of God”.

What I can contribute to this “life purpose discussion” based on my experiences is this: Before incarnating on Earth, each Spirit creates a plan and a purpose behind it – on what kind of expansion is desired/needed. Once the Spirit incarnates on a physical existence and becomes a human, she/he also comes with her/his own mind and freewill and the purpose that has been decided previously can still change – and it’s totally fine and normal. Real situations are experienced and lessons are learned when the Spirit is in the physical form – therefore it’s only logical to have a change of mind and plans.

Your “life purpose” can have twists and turns like your life path – the two are inseparable. Your life purpose is never final until you’ve been sentenced to die – and you accept it.

Just look into the story of my life, for instance, there were many points going to my crucifixion where I could’ve resisted and not accepted what would happen next – and doing that would be totally fine to Source, I could change my mind. I knew I was gonna be betrayed, mocked, shamed, persecuted and sentenced to a horrible death. I knew what’s gonna happen next because I had a direct connection to Source and I chose to never lose it. Each step of the way Source would tell me what could happen next, and since I had freewill I was also given the option whether to accept it or not. I co-created my life path and each step of the way, I co-decided what my life purpose was.

Looking from outside, it would all seem tragic and scary, but when living from the inside-out, each choice you make and the consequences that come with it cleanse you and expand you – and having this kind of clarity makes the journey easier to bear. When your “why” is crystal clear to you, the “what” and “how” become secondary. Life still won’t be all sunshine and butterflies but you’ll always see the horizon – and this will bring you so much peace and comfort.

I see life purpose as something that brings meaning to everything you do and all the ways that you ache to expand. It’s something that grounds you – connects you to Source and manifestations of Life. Life purpose is something that fills you – that nourishes you and the life around you. You can never make a mistake in identifying and pursuing a life purpose.

Your life purpose is never final until you’re dying and you completely accept your impending physical death – which symbolizes the end of your life journey (for that particular cycle).

(to be continued…)

Conversations with Jesus – Part 1 (The Cross, Life on Earth and Religions)

Faith, The Self


upWithout planning it, I found myself sitting inside a Catholic Church at 5 pm yesterday. There were only about five of us inside. The space was the typical Church – it was huge – like it could fit 200-300 people, the ceiling was high, the doors were all open and birds flew around. I sat just face-to-face with the altar – the crucifixion in the center.

I just focused on Jesus in the cross. Intuitively – I asked him my nagging question:

Me: Why are you there? Why are you hanging in that cross? Why did you decide to let that happen?

Jesus: It’s true. I could have not let this happen to me. I could have argued against it, I could have revolted against it or I could simply have run away. But I didn’t. I let the events unfold. I let it happen. Why? Because logic was not what was called for at that time. I knew the only way I could’ve made a mark was by getting crucified without a struggle. If I simply relied on logic and my words I would’ve been able to make my point.

Me: And what was your point?

Jesus: Look, each human goes through similar events. Of course not everyone can (and should) go through exactly what I’ve been through – be crucified or be held on the spotlight (for better or worse – like the famous leaders before and after me). But the mere instance of incarnating into Earth in a physical form – that’s already a crucifixion in itself.

Each of you has been crucified in a way to your physical form and your physical environment – with all your needs, weaknesses and impulses. You’re crucified to time and space – you cannot be everywhere at the same time, you get born and you have to die.

My carrying of my cross and being crucified on it afterwards is just a blatant depiction of what each human goes through – you carry your physical existence like a cross because of course, everybody knows in the Universe that it’s not easy to live on Earth. It’s heavy – even heavier and bigger than you, and walking with it is needless to say, a life and death struggle. Likewise, you’re the only one who can carry it. Some may carry it for you for a time – but this defeats the purpose so you’ll eventually have to carry it again yourself – for the rest of your journey. Others will walk with you and comfort you – and this will help you make it through.

Your cross – your physical existence – is your cross and also your salvation. After all has been done, you’ll resurrect and ascend again and be a part of Spirit/Source which you all came from…then eventually when you’re ready, you’ll plan your next reincarnation.

What exactly is the highlight of my story – and what Christianity likes to highlight as well? My Resurrection. My Ascension. The fact that I rose from the dead and lived forever. Human history never forgets this truth – that life on Earth is temporary. This truth may have been twisted and used in many disempowering ways by some but if you dig into it – you’ll still see its purity. This truth has been preserved because it has helped humanity in making through physical existence.

Forget about being crucified for humanity’s sins – nobody can save anybody else but herself/himself and her/his personal connection to Source. I didn’t save – nor intend to save – anybody else but myself. Going through the way of your life’s cross and your own crucifixion was what I wanted to show, ’cause I knew that’s the path to resurrection, ascension and further expansion.

Each religion creates its own version of a story because it has its own intentions and political agenda. It doesn’t mean religions are useless or just plain destructive – it just means that they are a reflection of the current times. They have to evolve, too. People turn away from religions once they no longer resonate with their expansion. Therefore as humanity evolves and reaches a higher vibration, religions have to evolve, too.

If there are things that turn you off in your religion – then simply don’t accept them. Just like in any situation, use your own discernment and ability to think critically. Source has equipped you with your own mind and freewill – use them. Don’t turn your back against religion altogether simply because you don’t agree with some things about it – you might miss many important lessons it can offer you.

(to be continued…)