I feel like sobbing every time I remember that my cousins are gonna fly back to Australia very soon. You know that feeling, right, when you can’t help but think about the impending goodbyes even when you’re supposed to simply enjoy the present moment.
During one of these reveries, as I was dissecting my feelings, a truth bubble popped out. I have realized that one of the biggest reasons I’ve been feeling this way was because I haven’t been in any real female friendship for the past couple of years. My cousin, Shai, now 18, suddenly brought back all the things I loved about women which get amplified in female friendships.
I’ve been undergoing major changes during my mid-twenties until recently, therefore letting go of some relationships have become imperative. I’ve felt burnt out for quite some time, highly dissatisfied with my old friendships and I started feeling the need to be alone more – so I could get to know myself more.
I believe Shai just opened my heart to female friendships again. Hers must be the right kind of presence that rips apart my disillusionment in these relationships. Her kindness, confidence, creativity, wisdom, humor, sensitivity and girliness reminded me of aspects within myself and my previous female friendships I have put on the backseat.
Without her knowing she’s doing it, she actually taught me how to be girly again and how to be a girl friend again. I deeply enjoy our talks about things we have in common – and it’s a bunch! – like the arts, travel, books OMG, fashion and makeup, pop culture, friendships, the intuitive arts and so much more. We shopped together, went to visit my favorite bookstore together, held my hand when I was scared riding the giant swing in the amusement park, took selfies together, talked about embarrassing and funny experiences. We talked about female friendships, listening to one’s intuition, honoring one’s values, setting boundaries and being in charge of one’s own well-being.
It’s not only her natural positive energy, but probably her age as well, that lights up my vibe. I am 12 years older than her, and I’ve been through very different circumstances, too. I’ve been jaded for a few times in the past decade, and I felt like crawling with all my strength and dignity on my way to my 30’s. I’ve had to reinvent myself many times. I’ve lost so much. Building female friendships at my age is so different from when I was still in my teens and even in my twenties. I have a more solid self-concept now and I know better about the life I want for myself now. In a way this makes me more rigid when it comes to making connections with potential friends.
I think her light presence brought back freshness to my attitude. I’ve come to associate female friendships with only the baggage they brought into my life so I went out and dumped all the goodies, too. She reminded me how female friendships soothed my soul. How despite my great need for solitude I actually thrived more with supportive female energy in my life.
Since she came to visit, I noticed that new potential girl friends started showing up in my experience, I’ve begun making an effort to forge female connections, too, with those I jibed with, I started gravitating towards female influencers who previously turned me off, and I’ve been rethinking about my attitude towards women I find “annoying”, maybe I should be more compassionate instead?
She also made me realize that it’s actually a no-brainer to build female relationships. I just have to make sure I’m in a good place first, energetically, so only those I naturally jibe with will find their way to me. Also, I must put my well-being first and foremost, always. 🙂
Maybe it’s not the length of time we spend together that matters, nor the amount of moments we share, maybe it’s the depth of our bond that matters, only on that level where touching each other’s soul and leaving a lasting impact are both possible.
Maybe if our time spent together gets longer than what’s possible now, maybe it won’t have the impact it’s meant to have. Maybe…maybe this thought will soothe my impending nostalgia.