Begin Again

Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

upThe only way we can finally clear whatever is blocking us is by taking a leap of faith to try again – to run the risk of getting hurt again.

The only way we can finally heal ourselves is by having the courage to get back up

and begin again.

 

Try again. Open yourself up for rejection again.
That’s how one fully gets over past hurts that have blocked one’s heart.

Healing isn’t dependent on someone else’s acceptance of you.
Healing is dependent on your decision to believe and hope again.

That’s the only way you’ll know your heart is back on fire.

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We are all Mirrors

Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

emayvilleEach person, each relationship, each interaction we have in our daily life is meant to help us become more fully ourselves – including, and most especially the ones that are not particularly in our liking.

Notice that when we encounter someone we feel even a slight annoyance to, that we automatically bring out a part of ourselves we don’t always embody. When we get triggered by an interaction/a person, doesn’t it feel like alarm bells are ringing, alerting us to a part of ourselves that need our attention?

It could be an aspect of ourselves that needs healing or unconditional acceptance – or it could be a part of ourselves that we need to bring out more often. We need these relationships as mirrors to show us what needs balancing within us.

Maybe if you had a more competent boss, maybe you wouldn’t even have discovered that you’ve got leadership qualities simply because there won’t be a need for them. Maybe if your parents were not that authoritative, maybe you wouldn’t have learned how to set healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. Maybe if you never experienced being in a codependent relationship, maybe you wouldn’t have learned who you really are and how to truly love yourself.

We help each other become more authentic and more mature without even knowing it.

What’s your Self-Love Story?

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

couple2For those in a relationship: If I ask you “What’s the greatest challenge you have overcame or are going through now with your life partner?” and “Is there any pattern you have noticed in all your intimate relationships so far? If yes, what is it?” What answers jumped off the bat?

Like any unhealed wound, a part of yourself is in need of healing and it will come through in all ways that might get your attention.

It can manifest through a pattern in a relationship, something that gets you stuck in a loop of some sort – acting out similar situations with similar people.

To me the greatest challenge I have had peace with was my fear of abandonment. Like most stubborn fears, it’s rooted in childhood. I grew up with an emotionally (and physically for the most part, too) unavailable father. My parents were in a codependent marriage. My mother felt abandoned and unloved for the majority of their relationship. I am the eldest, too, which has put me in a position to experience the emotional chaos firsthand. My parents had me when they were in their early 20’s. They were basically kids, themselves, who were forced to grow up.

I had a series of relationships during my twenties with guys who were unavailable, too, in all sorts of ways. It almost always ended up with me getting hurt, feeling guilty and embarrassed. After so many “second” chances I had been given and I had taken to start again and make things right – I finally did it. I took a good look at myself, gave my full love and attention to the unhealed child in me, and ended up the long cycle of abandonment that I was trapped in.

Little did I know that it was just the beginning of healing.

What happened next was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my life – my relationship with my current partner. It’s not a coincidence that the love of my life happens to be from another continent, 15 hours away by plane from me. Almost everyone I know didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. To them it never works and never will.ย  We’re on our third year together this year and we’ve known each other for four – and we’re just getting started ๐Ÿ˜‰

This is the second volume of my healing. By being in a long-distance relationship I was able to make further peace with my fear of abandonment. I was able to ace the challenge of growing together with my partner in a loving and intimate relationship despite being geographically separated. We’d only see each other anytime between four and eight months at a time, and we have the six to seven hour time difference on a daily basis.

Like any kind of healing, this has caused me to be grounded again, to feel more supported again not only by a partner but by life itself – and not only by life itself, but above all by ME.

I felt abandoned for so long because the painful truth was – I’ve abandoned myself over and over again by making decisions not out of self-love but out of self-lack. I simply repeated patterns I grew up with instead of making conscious, empowered choices.

Isn’t it sweet how all our challenges – especially the most stubborn ones – lead to the same thing? Deep, juicy, bottomless, nourishing Self-Love.

What’s your self-love story? ๐Ÿ™‚

 

A Leap in Perspective

Authenticity, Career, Creative Living, Healing, Life path, Life's Work, People & Relationships, The Self

needleplantI used to think that the only way I could fully live a spiritual life and be in an ecosystem of inspiring one another was by somehow working in the healing/intuitive arts. Lately though, probably as part of my spiritual progression, I’ve learned that –

1. If that is true, then that is very limiting. Not everyone is in or even comes close to the vicinity of healing/intuitive arts. How can we reach those/everybody if we just stay there? I don’t think the Universe is designed to be that way. If anything, we should spread out, expand ourselves, immerse ourselves in unfamiliar situations, engage with people who are different from us in some ways. In the process, learn, grow, be more integrated.

2. We are, by default, living spiritual lives because we are spiritual/energetic beings having a physical experience. We CANNOT NOT be spiritual.

3. Where else is best to live this so called full spiritual life other than where we already are doing what we already do?

Now I think that the goal is actually not to be a healer/a guide/a mentor/or just a spiritual person by profession or by being validated by a particular organization or institution, but to be all these things and so much more simply by choosing to embrace our truest self, our essence – which is love and light – and to show up in the world everyday embodying these where we are and with whoever we interact with.

We have all been touched by “common” people in profound ways;

be it a hairstylist who has shown us great love and compassion when we’re heartbroken, a stranger in the bus who radiated joy and kindness when we felt hopeless towards life, a family member who offered us advice we needed at that time, a colleague who we never thought of as a friend but who suddenly got our back during one of our personal storms, a deceased artist whose works have inspired us to take risks and go for our dreams.

To others, we have played these roles, too, without us knowing about it. We’ll never fully know the mark we leave on each other.

We gotta check in with ourselves. If our inquiry and path naturally leads us to the healing/intuitive arts then great and that will surely benefit all of us. If not, we must have the faith that probably where we are right now is where we can best grow and be of service to others.

Forgive

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

blueflowerForgiveness is inevitable if one longs to be free and fully at peace.

We may be blinded at times, mistaking our anger for self-love or self-righteousness, when in reality, it’s our last ditch effort to hold on to the past, to cling so desperately to what’s no longer serving us out of fear of the unknown.

Sometimes our inability to forgive merely signifies our reluctance to say goodbye.

We’re the only ones who can hold ourselves in prison. We have the key.

This process is internal. We need not even do anything interactive. No need to talk to the other person, not even to write a farewell note. This process may climax to a particular event – but this remains mostly in solitude. Forgiveness happens on a spiritual plane. It’s simply a release – of everything we’ve been holding on to that’s no longer serving us; our pain, our grudges, our disappointments, false hopes, regrets and all else in between and beyond.

It’s unpacking our heavy load so we can proceed with our journey with more energy.

If we wanna move forward, if we want to live our life to the fullest…we must forgive.

Loving the Skin I’m In

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, The Self

do it

undressIt’s probably a natural byproduct of my recent spiritual spurt, this desire to be out in the sun.

I suddenly found myself looking forward to sunny days, so I can lie down in our balcony, bask myself under the sky and soak the sun’s healing energy. It’s become part of my routine. Whenever I can, I would take Munchkin out for a walk as well, sniffing on plants and getting all messy in the mud.

I’ve learned to like my tan, too. In fact, I feel more like myself now that I am brown AF.

I’ve always been on the dark side of the spectrum. However, I didn’t always like getting darker because, just like the majority of Filipinos, I, too, believed that darker skin tones were less attractive. There were even times when I would consume all kinds of skin-whitening products from soap, to toner, to lotion, to glutathione pills and injections. I was also reluctant to participate in outdoor activities to “preserve” whatever fairness I had.

This 180 degree change in my attitude was liberating. Now, I could fully embrace both – my joy to be out in nature and my natural complexion.

I did my research before immersing myself in this new routine of sunbathing, because like many others, I, too have been indoctrinated to believe that sun caused more damage than good. I was surprised to read many articles disproving these kinds of claims, and more surprised to know that there’s no single actual research that directly links sun exposure to melanomas. What we have been made to believe in was merely a sweeping generalization which has actually caused more harm than good. We have been sold all these sun screens and skin products which can supposedly protect us from the sun, despite the fact that they contain harmful, carcinogenic chemicals. This has also resulted to a deficiency in Vitamin D in certain groups of people, particularly those with lighter skin, which has been causing a plethora of illnesses beyond cancer.

It’s interesting to note what the people around me say about my new tanned skin. I’ve been getting a lot of compliments, ironically, even from people who put fair skin tones on a pedestal. Some were baffled. They couldn’t seem to understand why someone would want to be darker, so they kept quiet and kind of stared at me from a distance. Some, I felt, flatly rejected it. The rest simply gave me advice as to how I should sunbathe even though they didn’t sunbathe themselves. They spewed their internalized misconceptions at me about the supposedly harms of the sun, even though they couldn’t back up these claims.

Anyway, it’s been great! I’ve become an official Sun Child again.

The Sun doesn’t only provide me with body food, but also with soul food.

It’s helping me become more and more of who I really am. I’m lucky because it’s abundant where I live and it’s for free! So yay! ๐Ÿ˜€

 

Some are meant to be a Key, but not our Company

Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

key

pinkpatternssmall

I feel like sobbing every time I remember that my cousins are gonna fly back to Australia very soon. You know that feeling, right, when you can’t help but think about the impending goodbyes even when you’re supposed to simply enjoy the present moment.

During one of these reveries, as I was dissecting my feelings, a truth bubble popped out. I have realized that one of the biggest reasons I’ve been feeling this way was because I haven’t been in any real female friendship for the past couple of years. My cousin, Shai, now 18, suddenly brought back all the things I loved about women which get amplified in female friendships.

I’ve been undergoing major changes during my mid-twenties until recently, therefore letting go of some relationships have become imperative. I’ve felt burnt out for quite some time, highly dissatisfied with my old friendships and I started feeling the need to be alone more – so I could get to know myself more.

I believe Shai just opened my heart to female friendships again. Hers must be the right kind of presence that rips apart my disillusionment in these relationships. Her kindness, confidence, creativity, wisdom, humor, sensitivity and girliness reminded me of aspects within myself and my previous female friendships I have put on the backseat.

Without her knowing she’s doing it, she actually taught me how to be girly again and how to be a girl friend again. I deeply enjoy our talks about things we have in common – and it’s a bunch! – like the arts, travel, books OMG, fashion and makeup, pop culture, friendships, the intuitive arts and so much more. We shopped together, went to visit my favorite bookstore together, held my hand when I was scared riding the giant swing in the amusement park, took selfies together, talked about embarrassing and funny experiences. We talked about female friendships, listening to one’s intuition, honoring one’s values, setting boundaries and being in charge of one’s own well-being.

It’s not only her natural positive energy, but probably her age as well, that lights up my vibe. I am 12 years older than her, and I’ve been through very different circumstances, too. I’ve been jaded for a few times in the past decade, and I felt like crawling with all my strength and dignity on my way to my 30’s. I’ve had to reinvent myself many times. I’ve lost so much. Building female friendships at my age is so different from when I was still in my teens and even in my twenties. I have a more solid self-concept now and I know better about the life I want for myself now. In a way this makes me more rigid when it comes to making connections with potential friends.

I think her light presence brought back freshness to my attitude. I’ve come to associate female friendships with only the baggage they brought into my life so I went out and dumped all the goodies, too. She reminded me how female friendships soothed my soul. How despite my great need for solitude I actually thrived more with supportive female energy in my life.

Since she came to visit, I noticed that new potential girl friends started showing up in my experience, I’ve begun making an effort to forge female connections, too, with those I jibed with, I started gravitating towards female influencers who previously turned me off, and I’ve been rethinking about my attitude towards women I find “annoying”, maybe I should be more compassionate instead?

She also made me realize that it’s actually a no-brainer to build female relationships. I just have to make sure I’m in a good place first, energetically, so only those I naturally jibe with will find their way to me. Also, I must put my well-being first and foremost, always. ๐Ÿ™‚

Maybe it’s not the length of time we spend together that matters, nor the amount of moments we share, maybe it’s the depth of our bond that matters, only on that level where touching each other’s soul and leaving a lasting impact are both possible.

Maybe if our time spent together gets longer than what’s possible now, maybe it won’t have the impact it’s meant to have. Maybe…maybe this thought will soothe my impending nostalgia.

A Love Note to the Wounded

Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, Personal Stories, The Self

purple

When you’re hurting, don’t cave inside yourself. Keep your heart open. Let love and light fill you in.

You’ll heal only in your vulnerability.

Let the Universe plant a seed where there’s a hole or a sore spot. Let that seed grow with you in light and love. Let it guide you towards the direction of your expansion and your highest joy. Let the plant, the tree keep you grounded.

Let it transform you. Let it reveal your inherent strength and beauty.

Integrate the pain and transmute it. Rise up.

An Open Letter to a Broken Heart

Faith, Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

the love

 

seaIf you’re holding a broken heart, if you’re sore, swollen, bruised, battle-scarred, torn apart – Know that you are infinitely blessed.

If you are hungry for affection, empathy, unconditional understanding and love and you know you are capable of providing that to someone/something else, if you’ve seen yourself love that way – know that this love must exist everywhere around you, and this love must find its way to meet you.

The love that you can provide is the same love that you need, and the same love that has the capacity to envelop you, lift you higher and nourish you inside-out.

If you see Source when you look at the eyes of your beloved, know that the one seeing – you – is the Source, too. How you see your beloved is how Source sees you – and a lot more, something immeasurable to the human mind.

Your broken heart may seem like a burden to you at the moment, but the truth is it’s your greatest treasure. If you have a huge capacity to feel hurt, it means you have a huge capacity to feel love. Let your infinite capacity to love heal your own pain.

Let the love you give out find its way back to you by directing that love towards yourself first.

Your heart is at the right place. All is well.

lilac

An Opening

Poetry, The Self, Women's Room
I need you to stay still -

Blink once
Blink twice
But don't avert your eyes.

I need you to sense what's coming -

Hear the sirens
Just beneath your feet.
Tremors and smoke;
A thousand falling ashes.

You've waited for this -
You deserve this. 

Brace yourself
For that which is arriving -
It's Her you've always known;
Welcome.


Welcome yourself
back to life.





daena de guzman | 2017