Why Others’ Autonomy is Dependent on Ours

Life path, Life's Work, The Self

dancingWe can’t assist others in finding their own strength if we never let go of their hand, if we never give them the chance to take the risk to fall down and get back up – do it all again until they figure it out.

We’re not helping others in cultivating trust in life and in themselves if we never leave them alone in their path; if we always string them along ours or if we keep on making decisions for them.

We can’t teach others how to be autonomous in their own life by not being autonomous in ours first.

Most of the time, the best that we can do to help those in need of assistance is to actually get so focused on our own path that we’ve got no time to enable others in their small-mindedness. Let life be our teacher; let our higher self be our champion.

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You have nothing to lose

Faith, Life path, Life's Work, The Self

freshYou are gonna die someday.

In the face of death I bet you won’t give a damn about the superficial stuff. I bet what’s gonna grab your attention by the neck is how you can maximize all the time that’s left. I bet you’d scramble stretching what little chance you still have to engage with the things that matter the most to you.

I bet you’d drop your pretenses, finally, and open yourself wide to reveal the fullness of who you are. You are light.

So what if you get rejected – for speaking up, for standing up for what you believe in, for going after your dreams? So what if you make mistakes as you figure things out – isn’t it the point of living, to learn and grow? So what if people mock you for seizing the moments you’re given to step into your own greatness and unleash life’s abundance through you – who’s loss is that?

All these things that preoccupy you are merely distractions. Don’t let them dim your light. All this clinging on the status quo and being a slave of fear will not take you where you wanna be.

Step into the open. Leap into the night. Confront your own light.

Release your courage by confronting the truth – you have nothing to lose.

The Prize of Authenticity

Life path, Life's Work, Manifestation, The Self

blackbgThe price of Authenticity is unpopular choices, conscious letting go of opportunities and relationships, ridicule, temporary loneliness.

The prize of Authenticity is the sweetness of confidence that rises up from the core of one’s being – as a result of all the points intersecting; the culmination of one’s inner and outer worlds.

It unlocks a certain flavor of happiness that expands what is, to unlimited what-could-be’s.

 

 

Walking through Fire

Life path, Life's Work, The Self

upWe go through challenging situations either or both because of these two things:

One – There’s a joyful and abundant outcome on the other side of the fence once we get past it.

Two – These are the things that we need to experience in order to grow. These situations will bring out aspects of ourselves that maybe we didn’t even knew we had.

When the first one doesn’t seem clear enough to you, pay attention to the second. When you reach that point where you’re asking what’s the point of going through a difficult period – maybe the point is You. Maybe you are being chiseled into who you really are.

Rock the Boat

Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

confused…and watch how others scramble around.  Watch ourselves scramble. Those who can get their balance back will become more grounded and capable, while those who can’t will probably end up throwing themselves off in the water.

This is how we grow. It’s either we rock the boat we are in or life rocks the shit out of us.

Pace Yourself

Authenticity, Life path, The Self

standingIf you’re too fast too soon there’s a high chance that you’ll get tired fast, too, and that you won’t be able to maintain a pace that can last you a long while.

On the other hand, if you warm yourself up first, get your focus right and allow yourself to reach your natural optimal pace, you become more equipped to stay in the game longer  – and even get better as you go. As the journey progresses, you may even surpass a lot of those who started at top speed, those who were initially ahead of you.

As the saying goes, “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” You’re here for the long haul. You’re here to evolve.

It’s not just about how fast you go, at the end of the day it’s about the quality of the journey you create. Is it pleasant to you for the most part or does it feel more like torture? Are you enjoying the sights and sounds? The insights you get? The ways you’re growing? The company of the people you share experiences with?

Do you have the soul-space to be fully present in each moment and savor the last drop of it or do you keep on wishing it’s over?

How do you think the people around you perceive you and your journey? Do you think they feel inspired just by looking at how you go through it and by who you are becoming because of it? Or do you end up discouraging them before they even begin embarking on their own?

These questions are as important as the ones we ask ourselves everytime we’re plotting our course and defining our goals.

Our intentions frame the choices we make, and the choices we make end up creating the kind of life we live.

Get clear with your intentions. Set your own pace. Build yourself to last – and have a good time!

 

How to Simplify your Life 101

The Self

 

blackyellow1.Make your mind serve you. 

Overthinking is not the only culprit. How we think can also weigh us down. Self-loathing thoughts are a waste of time and energy – they don’t add value to our life, they don’t assist us with our goals and they even suck our spirits out.

2.Stragetize (don’t worry)

You have limited energy and time to think. Use them wisely. Instead of wasting them on worrying, utilize them in working on a strategy that is reasonable and relevant.

3.Focus on what truly matters to you. 

Only go for the things that move you forward in the direction you want to go. Stop doing things, attending events, that don’t add value to your life.

4. Make up your mind about pending matters. Resolve things as quickly as possible.

Don’t let these concerns squat in your mind and energy. They will diminish your brain power while not contributing anything.

Confront the truth as fast as you can and do something about it that will bring back your peace and power. Likewise, admit if something is beyond your bandwidth at the moment. Choose to let it go.

5.Get rid of things you don’t want to use anymore.

Throw out/give away clothes, things you’ve outgrown. Don’t let them eat up all the space that can be occupied by things that are relevant to you now. Things that excite you now, things that complement who you are right now.

6.Prioritize clarity and comfort.

Wear clothing that allows you freedom to be yourself and freedom to move how you want to. Pace yourself at work (I’ll be writing about this on a separate post pretty soon!). Clarify expectations in your relationships.

Don’t allow yourself to be distracted with things that you can actually do something about.

7. Ask for what you need and when you need it. Be as clear as possible in your request/s.

Learn how to be accountable for meeting your needs and asking for help when you have to. Give others a fair chance in meeting you halfway. Choose peace of mind by being transparent in a grown-up way.

8. Schedule everything!

This matters not only so we won’t forget to do what we are supposed to do but because plotting to-do’s in the calendar also provides us with clarity and fulfillment. It shows us which plans and target outcomes are possible and which are not. It gives us the confidence to follow-through our plan – and be in each moment fully.

9.Don’t do what you don’t have to do.

It sounds silly to say it because it’s so obvious yet it has to be mentioned. Many of us do things we actually can do without out of obligation or unhealthy habits.

10.Get clear  with your boundaries, at least with yourself.

You can’t always explain yourself to others and you don’t always have to. Boundaries are mostly for your benefit since they remind  you where you stand vis-a-vis your highest benefit. Having clear boundaries will make it easier for you to make decisions, including difficult ones.

Transitions. Liberation.

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, Life path, Manifestation, The Self

Circumstances don’t change. It’s us who do.

upCircumstances remain the same because all probabilities co-exist at the same time – what could happen already has, already is. Our focus determines which reality we experience. Pivot a bit in a different direction and our whole perspective changes. It could even feel like a completely different world at times.

When we feel like circumstances have changed it’s because we have changed.

It’s the will and the effort that we’ve put onto ourselves that transform our life.

 

What’s your Self-Love Story?

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

couple2For those in a relationship: If I ask you “What’s the greatest challenge you have overcame or are going through now with your life partner?” and “Is there any pattern you have noticed in all your intimate relationships so far? If yes, what is it?” What answers jumped off the bat?

Like any unhealed wound, a part of yourself is in need of healing and it will come through in all ways that might get your attention.

It can manifest through a pattern in a relationship, something that gets you stuck in a loop of some sort – acting out similar situations with similar people.

To me the greatest challenge I have had peace with was my fear of abandonment. Like most stubborn fears, it’s rooted in childhood. I grew up with an emotionally (and physically for the most part, too) unavailable father. My parents were in a codependent marriage. My mother felt abandoned and unloved for the majority of their relationship. I am the eldest, too, which has put me in a position to experience the emotional chaos firsthand. My parents had me when they were in their early 20’s. They were basically kids, themselves, who were forced to grow up.

I had a series of relationships during my twenties with guys who were unavailable, too, in all sorts of ways. It almost always ended up with me getting hurt, feeling guilty and embarrassed. After so many “second” chances I had been given and I had taken to start again and make things right – I finally did it. I took a good look at myself, gave my full love and attention to the unhealed child in me, and ended up the long cycle of abandonment that I was trapped in.

Little did I know that it was just the beginning of healing.

What happened next was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my life – my relationship with my current partner. It’s not a coincidence that the love of my life happens to be from another continent, 15 hours away by plane from me. Almost everyone I know didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. To them it never works and never will.  We’re on our third year together this year and we’ve known each other for four – and we’re just getting started 😉

This is the second volume of my healing. By being in a long-distance relationship I was able to make further peace with my fear of abandonment. I was able to ace the challenge of growing together with my partner in a loving and intimate relationship despite being geographically separated. We’d only see each other anytime between four and eight months at a time, and we have the six to seven hour time difference on a daily basis.

Like any kind of healing, this has caused me to be grounded again, to feel more supported again not only by a partner but by life itself – and not only by life itself, but above all by ME.

I felt abandoned for so long because the painful truth was – I’ve abandoned myself over and over again by making decisions not out of self-love but out of self-lack. I simply repeated patterns I grew up with instead of making conscious, empowered choices.

Isn’t it sweet how all our challenges – especially the most stubborn ones – lead to the same thing? Deep, juicy, bottomless, nourishing Self-Love.

What’s your self-love story? 🙂