You know you’re somehow expanding when you find yourself having expensive breakfast alone (at least you can buy a few mins of solitude now to break down before your usual work day kicks in), in a cafe that plays old songs (to give the illusion that this is all classy, and you’re just like the classy actresses in these old Hollywood films), laughing at yourself for not knowing what the fuck you’re doing. You’ve reached a level of maturity enough to
soothe delude soothe yourself that this must mean something…these are just growing pains. These are all gonna make sense later.
You realize that the biggest joke ever is thinking you’ve figured it all out.
Until life hits you with one water ball after the other. Defenseless and soaking wet, all you can do is laugh at the mess that you are. You realize that the Universe doesn’t run out of
surprises pranks especially once you’ve settled into what you think is a comfortable (albeit numbing) pace. You’re forced out of your own damn mind.
You’re forced to open up so the Universe can fill you in with new energy again.
Embrace the things that scare you, those that will expand your world if you choose to confront them. Do it so you’ll remember how big and strong you really are.
You are stronger than all of your fears. You are gonna be fine.
Tread your own path with long, deliberate strides.
Hold your head up.
The world unfolds for you.
Own your rightful place.
Each person, each relationship, each interaction we have in our daily life is meant to help us become more fully ourselves – including, and most especially the ones that are not particularly in our liking.
Notice that when we encounter someone we feel even a slight annoyance to, that we automatically bring out a part of ourselves we don’t always embody. When we get triggered by an interaction/a person, doesn’t it feel like alarm bells are ringing, alerting us to a part of ourselves that need our attention?
It could be an aspect of ourselves that needs healing or unconditional acceptance – or it could be a part of ourselves that we need to bring out more often. We need these relationships as mirrors to show us what needs balancing within us.
Maybe if you had a more competent boss, maybe you wouldn’t even have discovered that you’ve got leadership qualities simply because there won’t be a need for them. Maybe if your parents were not that authoritative, maybe you wouldn’t have learned how to set healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. Maybe if you never experienced being in a codependent relationship, maybe you wouldn’t have learned who you really are and how to truly love yourself.
We help each other become more authentic and more mature without even knowing it.
Holding a space for someone to unravel is such a privilege.
We do this for each other without knowing it. It’s that honorable time in our life when we are not asked to do anything but to stand strong in our power and hold the cup of our overflowing love for someone who needs it – so they can go down on their knees, break down and surrender. We are neither asked to take the punches for them nor to come up with creative solutions. Our role, in fact, is to NOT interfere, to let them go through this on their own – because they need this fight to learn and grow, to let go of everything that doesn’t reflect who they really are and who they wanna be.
We serve as their witness, as they go through this sacred transformation. We uphold their cup of love for them until they’re ready to take it back
and give it a home again.
Where do I end and where do you begin? Where’s the line separating annihilation from rebirth? When should we stop mourning and start celebrating? When nothing ever really disappears, when everything that once were will always will be – should we just watch and wait, in what way should we participate and evaluate?
I turn 31 today.
“What’s different about me this year in comparison to who I was last year?”, I ask myself.
Well, I think I’m pretty much the same. I just think I’m more daring now. Daring in ways I wasn’t before. Daring and more comfy in my own skin. Daring and more at peace with uncertainty. Daring and more at ease with owning my mistakes. Daring and more confident with my personal standards and desires. Daring and more trusting in life. Daring and more tender in my relationships.
Stepping onto this phase of my life feels like a warm, thick familiar coffee. You look forward to it. It’s homey in its own special way. It also feels like a prize you know you so well deserved.
“Is it true that life is a mirror and everything around me is just a reflection of me?”, I asked in my meditation this morning.
As usual, animal spirit guides would appear and have the most profound conversations with me. This time it was a white female wolf who answered my inquiry. She said,
“That’s true – but only partly true. I ask you, if there is a mirror in front of you but you choose not to look, would you still see your reflection? Does the type of mirror affect how you see yourself? Let’s say you choose to look at a mirror which reflects an angle of your face or your body that you don’t like, won’t this make you conclude that you’re ultimately unlikable and generally unattractive?
This is a world of mirrors, yes, but not all are created equal. You must use your own power of discernment. There are no right or wrong mirrors to look at. But there is one thing that determines whether this world of mirrors serves you or not – Intention.
Your intention determines whether you choose to look at a mirror or not, your intention determines which mirrors to look at, your intention determines which parts of yourself you want to shed a light on and magnify.
This is not to immerse yourself in self-denial at the expense of your own growth. But to use the power of focus to grow that which is life-affirming and noteworthy in yourself, in your life.
Why choose to look at a distorted, or worse, a broken mirror?”
We should give our best not because everything equally matters individually and collectively.
What matters in the face of life, in the face of death – is that we show up fully in each given moment – to who we have become, but more importantly to who we claim ourselves to be.
We can’t assist others in finding their own strength if we never let go of their hand, if we never give them the chance to take the risk to fall down and get back up – do it all again until they figure it out.
We’re not helping others in cultivating trust in life and in themselves if we never leave them alone in their path; if we always string them along ours or if we keep on making decisions for them.
We can’t teach others how to be autonomous in their own life by not being autonomous in ours first.
Most of the time, the best that we can do to help those in need of assistance is to actually get so focused on our own path that we’ve got no time to enable others in their small-mindedness. Let life be our teacher; let our higher self be our champion.