The Question is: Do you really want it?

blackhairAs I drifted to my waking state this morning, a vision flashed into my mind. I was shown, like a film on a huge screen, two of my most cherished desires from the moment of conception up to their fruition. I was asked, too, why there seemed to be a space in between and in hindsight, its possible significance.

I was dumbstrucked, my mind was sucked in a vaccuum and went completely blank. I never thought about that question. I never even bothered checking that angle.

At first I thought probably it’s because I still had to become the kind of person who deserved those things before I could have them. But that felt incomplete to me. It just didn’t fit. It sounded conditional and shallow.

Then I realized, those desires wouldn’t have materialized in the first place if it’s not because of what I did – if not because of my full engagement and devotion to them. If not because of  the chances I took, the risks I embraced and the work I’ve invested onto them.

The question was not whether I was deserving of my desires. The real question was and always has been: Do I really want what I thought I wanted?

I was deserving and always will be – we all are. What enables us to create is our desire and not our value (since we are all equally valuable and worthy to begin with).

We’re able to manifest some desires but not others, not mainly because they’re not “meant” for us, but because we don’t want them enough – we don’t want them in the same way, with the same intensity and passion needed to give birth to something that matters.

That space in between – between the conception of my desires and their fruition – gave me all the time I needed to evaluate whether I really wanted what I said I wanted.

More importantly, I didn’t find the answers by putting everything on hold and reflecting in isolation. I worked my way – I lived my way through them. I’ve expressed my “Yes-es” through my countless decisions to proceed.

Most of the time if we’re not “given” what we thought we wanted we think that it’s only either because it’s not meant for us or it’s not the right time yet. We fail to look at and/or underestimate our own contribution in the manifestation of our desires. When it feels as though our desires are put “on hold” it’s not always because of those two things above, more often that not, it’s simply life’s way of asking us, “Do you really want it?” And again, life expects us to answer not through our words but through our committed actions.

If there are things sitting on your list, unrealized and merely sucking up your energetic space – take the time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Dare to ask the question that matters the most, “Do you really want it/them?”. Take inspired actions from there.


Potters, We All Are

handsThe process of clay pot making has always fascinated me. It seems so effortless, like when a ballerina gracefully glides on the stage. When I’m watching someone in the midst of it, I feel as though even I can do it, even without any sort of training at all.

I’ve only tried it once, about five years ago – and I sucked at it. The potter said that my hands were too hard, too intense that the pot always end up collapsing. She said that the key was to simply have the right amount of pressure, just enough to guide it into formation.

Isn’t clay pot making the same as shaping our own life?

The key is to apply just the right amount of pressure – not too light and not too hard – ’cause either way the pot will end up collapsing. Not taking the lead in our own life or forcing it to become something in particular may only sabotage its own becoming.

It also only makes sense to keep the spinning wheel moving, otherwise the pot will collapse, too, or it may not take its shape at all. Life will continue to usher us into further transformations naturally, unless we give up and choose to stop instead.

Likewise, from time to time, just the right amount of clay should be added to take its desired form and size – too little or too much may alter the output completely. Getting ourselves involved in too little or too much activity can either stall our growth or overwhelm us.

Finally, intention, and not force, is the gravity which pulls the clay pot together as a finished product. Our positive focus, our vision – not constant fear and worry – make our desired outcomes come to fruition.

By guiding the clay pot into its becoming we are letting its shape emerge, magically, from all the elements combined. By letting our life unfold on its own, we give ourselves the permission to go on a magical journey – both physical and spiritual – which takes us to a place we may not have been able to dream about to begin with. And this place – this magical place – is just a mediocre reflection of the great person we have become – the person we are actually inside.

The shape of the clay pot has already been there even before the clay pot emerged in the physical. Our most authentic self has already been there, too, in fact has always been there, through our Spirit, before we even incarnated in the physical and also after we fade out into the ethereal.

May we all keep our pottery game strong and fun!




Our Life will unfold, either way – some notes on Manifestation


bouquetThere has been a long period of time when I thought I really had to get manifestation right or else I won’t achieve my goals. Since recently, I was berating myself for not being able to get where I wanted to be. I though I must have been doing all the wrong things – not having clarity with what I really wanted, not reaping the power of focus, not knowing how to surrender, not being in a consistently positive state,

– not coming up with vision boards or listening to daily affirmations – and the list goes on.

This can happen when one is taking personal development and spirituality too seriously. Sometimes it ends up just being one of the ego’s many games.

We end up wanting to get things right, nail things down – always measuring and proving our progress. Along the way, sometimes we lose the essence of it all. We start to believe that we have more control over external events than we actually do. We become more anxious, more judgmental of ourselves and of others – more ungrateful.

I’ve been struggling with this phase for a few months now, until last night while I was in the bus going home. I remembered this particular manifestation which happened to me a few years back. It was the manifestation of the relationship with my current significant other. I traced back how it all happened – how we met and all the circumstances that led to that.

That’s when I’ve realized that I wasn’t really doing all the “manifestation work” before I met him. I wasn’t really in the state of loving myself. I wasn’t in any way clear with what I was looking for a partner or what I wanted out of a relationship. In fact, I had been in a series of toxic relationships.

I was a trainwreck for most of my 20’s, but just like some of my peers in this decade, I was doing what I could to move on. I was moving from one life lesson to the other. It was not my fault. It’s just a natural phase of life. Some people go through it in their teens, some in their twenties, others in their thirties – and so on and so forth.

Looking back it’s as if God has let me walk into those toxic relationships to learn something about myself and about life. But as soon as I’ve gotten the lessons behind each, God would do something to interrupt the situation and pluck me out of it. It’s either something would suddenly happen which was totally beyond my control or the relationship would reach its natural conclusion.

In the middle of this chaos was when we met.

In hindsight there was in fact, an order to all those events, although back then it only looked to me like chaos.

That made me realize that our path itself leads us to where we are meant to be. We’re never lost. We’re always being guided towards the right direction, and we don’t really need to know any manifestation trick.

Simply by going from one situation to another, by discovering what we like and what we don’t like, what nourishes us and what doesn’t we are by default building our dreams in the spiritual plane where all ideas reside. It’s only a matter of time before we can give birth to them in the physical – and that process is beyond our control.

Higher forces are at work. Our part is simply to live our lives authentically.

We need to stop blaming ourselves when things don’t go our way or when we feel as though it’s taking so long before we arrive to where we wanna be. The truth is, our journey and who become in the process is as important as our destination and the manifestation of our dreams. When the ride gets rough – we just gotta hold on tight and keep our faith on the Divine’s process and perfect timing.