The truth is, you can choose your own bindings. You have the power to choose only the connections that are the most freeing to you.
* A meditative message from an Egyptian Cat Queen
The prize of Authenticity is the sweetness of confidence that rises up from the core of one’s being – as a result of all the points intersecting; the culmination of one’s inner and outer worlds.
It unlocks a certain flavor of happiness that expands what is, to unlimited what-could-be’s.
How do you love a wild thing?
How do you merge with a spirit without putting its fire out?
Without losing yourself in the process?
Embrace your own freedom.
Run wild with the wolves. Run boundless like the horses.
Fly high with no apologies, with no fear.
In your utmost freedom you will find
all seemingly separate things in this world intertwine.
At some point we must confront the reality of our solitude; because it’s only through the fullness of experiencing our temporal solitary existence that genuine togetherness is made possible.
It can easily slip off our attention since it’s our default reality, like a fish in the water, but it’s in fact, one of the core facets (if not the major one) of being incarnated in a physical form – to be separated and alone.
Isn’t the journey about experiencing oneself, learning, expanding and finding our way back home?
Wiser, deeper – to wholeness, to unity.
The force which allows us to have infinite power and freedom through our sheer free will, regardless of our faith or even the lack thereof,
The force which honors the inherent power and freedom that we have all inside, that is our divine right, something that have always existed beyond time,
Is absolutely not evil.
Is something that can be trusted.
Is something that deserves our unshakable, unwavering eternal devotion.
Evil is controlling and possessive. It is rooted on fear and lack. It doesn’t see anyone. It doesn’t trust anyone. The emptiness in its core is unfathomable.
But this force that is the complete opposite of evil shines so brightly that it’s even able to shine over the darkest depths where evil resides. For evil is the mere absence of light; where doors are shut and fists are clenched. Where separation breeds and expands.
Nothing is innately good or bad, because free will exists. We are the secret ingredient that brings meaning to any situation. The meaning we create brings all things to life.
We are the factor that matters. We are the only thing that prevails. Appearances may change, may mutate, may dissipate – but we remain steadfast in our evolution.
The gift of free will does not exist as a tool for self-flagellation. The Divine didn’t intend to berate us and humiliate us, and put the weight of the world on our shoulders. Free will is meant to simply make us…free – it’s that simple. It’s a reminder that we always have the power that we need at any given moment, regardless of how situations look like on the surface, regardless if we find ourselves alone or if we’ve got company.
Free will reminds us, unfailingly, of our divine essence. That we are all equal and we come from the same Source.
Free will is meant to be our compass, it’s meant to guide us back to our home which is Joy and Oneness.
May we all see the grace that free will is, and use it to heal and expand the world as we know it.
I’ve had a particularly healing dream last night. I was my old self, in my early 20’s clinging to a guy who was not fully into the relationship as I was. Like some of us, women, I, too, have been in a series of toxic relationships with unavailable men (rather, boys), who were on the surface in varying types and degrees of unavailability but who were all just the same emotionally unavailable on the inside.
In my dream I initiated a conversation with my guy (who was faceless and nameless, more of an archetype than an actual person), “Won’t you be more present with me and more interested with me and our life together?”
He simply gave me this pained look, followed by a shrug that was all too familiar to me. He didn’t have the will to dump me ’cause having me was still convenient for him. But he was not with me either. You know how it usually goes with these guys and the situations us, ladies go through with them.
What happened next was something I wasn’t able to do in most of my relationships during those years, for I didn’t have the guts to draw the line then most of the time (therefore the same kind of relationship kept manifesting in my life), I said,
“If you don’t know what you really want, but it’s not me or not with me, if you can’t commit completely into this relationship like I can, then I don’t need you. I deserve someone who knows what he wants and who will stand for it the way I do.”
I walked out, leaving him having the same pained, teenage-boy-confused look. I didn’t look back.
I’ve long been able to transform myself and my relationships, including the one with my significant other of almost four years. But before the relationship materialized, I actually had to draw the line first, and tell him what I wanted out of our relationship. I told him he could either take it or leave it, but I wouldn’t compromise. I knew what I wanted with him, I knew what I wanted out of a relationship and if he turned out not to be up for it then he’s not the one for me.
I think The Universe and my Higher Self wanted me to share this story with others. It has come full circle for me now, I guess. That part of my life was completely over. The wound has been healed.
If you’ve been having a similar struggle in the relationship department, I am 100% sure you’ll find healing and resolution in your own empowerment, too. You deserve someone who knows and appreciates your light. We are all rooting for you.
Maybe I'm just tracing the lines of my comfort zone. Going in circles. I couldn't seem to find my way out. So all I do is go in circles. Trapped in my own carousel. It's already a miracle, though to have finally realized that I am moving but not going anywhere, that I am in the same place. 'Cause how could I ever do it without having been able to step out of myself and observe my life play out? What a weird thing - this duplicity. And the world that allows it to be. Sometimes being awake only feels like self-flagellation. Until we learn how to use our own power. The power of our own mind. daena de guzman | 2017
Unbeknownst to us, we do this to each other, in a variety of ways, most of which have been normalized to subtlety. While its expression and the means by which we practice it are diversified, its premise remains pretty much the same.
When we externalize our power and rely on outside forces to validate us we initiate this cycle.
We teach others that we are codependent on them, and if they accept our example, they become a part of it. They too, become codependent on us. This paradox of a mutually parasitic relationship takes place.
Couples do this to each other, friends do this to each other, parents do this to their children, politicians do this to the masses, religious leaders do this to their religious communities, and the list goes on.
No one is completely free to think, feel, behave in her/his own way in a codependent relationship. The Other must always be taken into account. The Other must always give her/his validation; through obedience, agreement, praise or silence.
Fear fuels the fire of a codependent relationship. There is fear that without the Other, oneself will cease to exist and thrive. This type of fear creates the illusion that empowered independence is at its core destructive. In fact could never see independence as empowering at all.
One might ask, if we’re already enmeshed in such a relationship is there anything we can do to get out of it or transform it?
If it’s a relationship that can be very well cut off, then it’s for the best interests of both parties if it gets severed. Usually, one person has to step up and take the lead. In other cases, though, when it’s with someone we may find too difficult to remove from our life, such as our family, we may have to resort to other options. We could spend less time with them, avoid going over subjects that only fuel our codependency, and get busy with our own stuff instead.
On the other hand, these approaches are just externalization of the shift in our perception.
We can only break ourselves free from this cycle once we have resolved the true major issue internally – self-validation.
We need to remember that we don’t actually need any other kind of validation, other than self-validation. All the external ones are just confetti – they amp up our celebration but they’re actually useless on their own.
We can address the root cause of all our codependent relationships by deciding to rely only on our validation of ourselves. Codependent “symptoms” tend to go way crazier once we initiate the shift. The Other will feel that they are losing their lifeline – us – and for this they will feel more desperate. They may act antagonistic towards us or retaliate by pulling away from us in order to draw us back in. We must not let ourselves be dragged by any of their drama. We must protect our mind and energy by reminding ourselves of our lone responsibility – to validate ourselves.
Dissolving these relationships actively, then, becomes secondary, because more often than not, if they’re truly codependent and they are not able to transform with us, they will fade on their own, anyway.
We must trust the process that self-empowerment is leading us into.
Likewise, we’re also giving them a chance to evolve by spearheading the shift inside us. This is a gift to ourselves and to all those we are in relationships with. We offer them the opportunity to heal and learn to validate themselves as well.
This post was inspired by one of my mother’s closest friends. You see, my mother has always been baffled as to why he won’t accept the help she’s been offering him. She thinks it’s because of his foolish pride. She pities him, yes, and she also looks down on how his life turned out to be.
My mother has sincere intentions for him, and to me, she’s one of the most generous people out there. What strikes me, though, is the disconnect between them. My mother thinks his pride is out of place, on the other hand, I see him as someone who simply prefers to live his life by his own rules. He’s a free bird. He thinks that any help being offered comes with a leash – and there is also some truth to that. Who can blame him?
Freedom comes with a price – and sometimes it doesn’t look all pretty. All of us who have chosen this path of freedom in one way or another know that we need to give up certain comforts to be free.
To others, including my mom, it only looks foolish. Why would someone prefer that? To someone who depends on human connections and validation for spiritual nourishment, this really won’t make sense. But we aren’t wired the same way. Some people thrive on independence and solitude.
It’s always a good thing to offer help to someone out of sincere intentions. What will happen to us as a society if we don’t have generous people around?
But help won’t be taken, and won’t be of much use if we don’t meet people where they are; if we don’t offer the kind of help they need.
If we really want to help others, and we know we can, we should see them for who they are first – dignified, free and loved.
We cannot help others in genuine ways if we are looking down on them. We have to honor their principles and support them in their dreams. We cannot go around imposing our opinions of what is right or wrong and expect to be trusted.
We cannot make helping others a project – just to get that kind of feeling good that we believe in.
And if the help we offer is not taken, we should have the maturity to respect that decision. This doesn’t diminish anybody. Even the Divine respects our freedom to choose and ask for help on our own terms – exactly because we are entitled to the life we are living, and we are enough and perfect as we are. We should have the same attitude towards each other as well.
In what ways am I giving glory to Source/God through the life I’m co-creating?
The latter has less ego and is more purpose-centric. It’s not limited by the cookie-cutter measures we impose on ourselves and each other. It’s focused on something higher and bigger than us. It’s concerned with giving back and celebrating life. It’s more profound and comprehensive.
Posing this question towards myself has made me confront things that while true, have been difficult for me to accept. I’ve realized that despite society’s expectations (which become mine as well), my life is primarily about defining, re-shaping and celebrating freedom in my own ways.
I guess this is my way of giving back to Source – exploring the dimensions of freedom and become a wiser and more responsible person in the process.
Knowing the answer to this question gives us more reasons to be compassionate with ourselves and with each other.
Try asking yourself the same question and be enlightened by the answer/s you’ll get. 🙂