Faith · Healing · People & Relationships · The Self

You Can Love from a Distance

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I’ve been on the fence regarding a particular relationship lately. This person has betrayed me, the people I love and continues to live a life of lies. It’s not easy for me to let go because he’s family. I’ve forgiven him though, and I’m at the point where I don’t know whether to cut ties or to make an effort to start anew. Neither seems to resonate with my spirit. I feel the capacity to love him unconditionally despite everything; however, this love comes from a higher place and I’m still grounded in this physical, earthly existence. I still have my earthly concerns; I’m still bounded by earthly laws.

I got my answer last night, as usual, as a mix of clairvoyant and clairaudient message. This is how I’d translated it:

Come up to your higher self and love him unconditionally, at the same time keep yourself grounded. Don’t avert your eyes from the truth.

Imagine yourself as a tree. As a tree, you don’t need to go after him to express your love. You may simply stay where you are, grounded in your spot. Let your love radiate. Let it bleed through your roots, into the earth and towards all life forms. Let it seep through your branches, up to your leaves and into the atmosphere.

Trust in nature’s ability to synthesize your love into various forms. She always does this.

You can love like this. This is still love. A certain distance will keep yourself protected. Your well-being matters, too. It matters the most.

Everywhere is love. All is made of love, anyway. Trust that life will take care of him even if it’s not, no longer through you.

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Meditation/Visions · People & Relationships · The Self

Some tips for setting boundaries

I get easily stressed out when people ask me to do things in the middle of what’s already in my plate. You can say, I am quite strict with my schedule. I value my routines very much because I know that our life and ourselves are outputs of our habits, our rituals. What we do sometimes or once in a while, no matter how big we think they are won’t ever be as influential as what we do all the time. Likewise, I’m not the kind of person who thrives in rushing things. I get paralyzed when I am in a hurry. I like to take my time.

A couple of days ago I made up my mind to meditate on this. I wanted to know why I felt this way and what can I do to avoid/handle it.

I didn’t listen to a meditation guide or even a meditation music this time. I tried to but I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t do it. I did a breathing meditation instead. A few minutes into it, a little boy started talking. I knew by just listening that it was the voice of my mind, my ego.

The little boy was inside his own room, playing with his toys. He was around 3 years old. He was enjoying his time alone when his mother suddenly came knocking on his door asking him to do something. He felt frustrated because he wanted to play. But he also felt obligated to obey his mother. His mother just barged into his bedroom and gave him orders. She didn’t even ask how he was, what he was up to and if it’s okay to do what he was asking him to do. The boy felt disrespected. He felt like his time and joy weren’t valued. He felt powerless. He felt imprisoned.

I knew what he felt and thought of because I asked him questions. Eventually another person started speaking to the boy, too. I knew it was my higher self.

She told him that if each person’s desires are in alignment with each other, everything would go on smoothly. But sometimes, it’s inevitable that people’s desires come in conflict with each other such as your desire to play and your mother’s desire to ask you to do something for her. We would feel conflicted because we do not want to disappoint other people in general. We instinctively want harmony with our environment.

She told him that he was not really powerless. There was something he can do in situations like that. First of all, he must identify if the relationship was important to him. If it wasn’t then, he should decline easily. But if it was he must be able to choose among the following responses:

  1. Please give me some time to think about it.

  2. Yes, I will do it but later or (insert specific time if you can). Give me some time to (insert what you are doing or would like to do first).

If the person obviously felt bad about your response, you can tell them:

Sorry, but I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I am not rejecting you. I want to do this for you/spend time with you. But I need some time for myself to (do something or figure it out if you can what was asked of you). I want to be sure I can do what you want the best way that I can/I can be completely present with you.

My higher self told both the boy and me that if we were only able to put those into practice at the right moments, then for sure it would make a difference. She said that if we felt conflicted about something and we were dealing with a person that was important to us, we should always ask for some time to think about it and decide. That would allow a healthy space for us to check in with ourselves and honor our needs and desires and for the other person to learn how to respect our boundaries.

It made so much sense to me. The advice was clear and practical enough that I could immediately apply it to my situation. I felt empowered and that feeling alone helped me calm down. It also helped me handle the situation (which I initially labeled as stressful and demanding) and the person (which I initially thought as needy and unreasonable) in a more mature way. It would take me a while to get used to it. But I’m glad that I have this valuable tool now that I can use.

 

 

People & Relationships · The Self

Discernment in relationships

I just wanna leave a quick note about the importance of being able to judge well when it comes to the people around us and the relationships that we allow into our lives.

Not to sound pessimistic, but I believe that most people express their interest with us and what’s going on in our lives simply because they are curious and not really because they genuinely care. Yes, genuine concern comes with good intentions and best wishes, but above all, it comes from a place of active participation. A person who genuinely cares will send their energy of love and peace to you whether you choose to keep them updated or not with regards to your life. A curious person, on the other hand, will just ask you for information as if they’re filling up a survey. Sometimes you would even feel a tinge of competitiveness in them. They want to know what’s up in other people’s lives, especially if they’re peers, so they can compare their lives with them. They could also be simply curious. They choose to pay much attention to the lives of others.

In our current society where our connection and disconnection with each other is just a click away, we must be wiser. We must train our powers of discernment. Especially for us, the sensitive types, we must learn how to create healthy boundaries. We must know what and who to let into our experience because not everyone will replenish our energy. Some people would only suck the life out of us. Some people don’t know how to give. Some people can’t. Sometimes we don’t want to take or we don’t need what they’re willing to provide us with.

It might look harsh at first when you start to filter out which ones you’re gonna let inside your world. But trust that it’s for your own good, and for everyone else’s, too. We must be able to be assertive enough to say when energies and intentions simply don’t fit. This way we can use our energy in activities and relationships that are truly inspiring and productive.

People & Relationships · The Self · Women's Room

There’s a Victim and a Fighter in all of us – To the Woman who can’t leave her abusive partner

I don’t claim to know your reasons. I don’t claim to know your situation. I’ve never been a wife and a mother. But I am a woman. There was this striking moment in my life that I could not shake off, ’cause that’s the point – I should not let that memory go. It has saved me and it can still.

I remember the exact moment. It was late in the evening, at around ten. It was only a couple of hours after I was able to confront my then boyfriend to confess on me about his cheating. I was in a fast food eating with my mom. I was feeling very, very depressed, not because he cheated on me but because I forgave and accepted him again.

My mother was right. She said, if I was able to accept that kind of behavior, then what else could I not accept next time? We were not even married and we didn’t have a child. I practically didn’t have much reason to cling on to him. She asked me why did I even have this feeling that I needed him so much?

Then I heard myself talking to myself these exact words,

“This is the line you said you will not cross. If you cross this, there is no turning back. This will lead you straight to hell and this time – it’s your choice.”

I felt its raw truth all over my body. I could even remember how it tasted like, how it sounded like, how its breath felt like in my chest, in my ears, in my mind. I called him and broke up with him in an instant. I thought, in exchange of the love I shared with him, that was the kind of treatment he gave me in return (cheating, manipulating, lying for I couldn’t even say how long or how many times or if there really was a time when he was telling the truth).

I realized then, perhaps, that was how abuses kept on happening.

If we don’t have boundaries or if we keep on transgressing our own boundaries, we could keep on giving excuses for our abuser’s actions, we could keep on twisting the truth ourselves.

If we violate our own values and let ourselves down, it could become a habit – a fatal habit at that – and really, it could cost our lives. It could kill our bodies or our spirit – or both.

I could cope up with losing him but never with losing myself. I still knew what dignity meant and I was going to fight for it even if I had only myself to fight with (which made everything so much more difficult).

 

We are always given another chance to redeem ourselves. Let’s not waste our life letting these chances pass us by. I’m glad I’ve learned those lessons this early.

It’s never too late to learn and redeem yourself.

Take back your dignity and life. Own it. Be your own savior. It’s nobody else’s obligation to make you happy. It’s yours. Fight for the love and the life that you deserve.