People · Relationships · Religion

My conversation with Jesus – Part 3 (Life Difficulties and The Heroine’s/Hero’s Journey)

Me: What are heartaches and hardships for? Why do we incarnate to experience those?

Jesus: We don’t wanna live in theories – we all know theories are only possible because of practice. Theories can also only expand because of practice. The Universe is not a static one – it’s alive, it evolves. Physical reality is important because it makes it possible to bring ideas to physical forms, it’s a place where feelings and thoughts turn into physical manifestations and where choices have real life consequences. We can see how action and reaction are related more clearly. This makes us learn more.

Heartaches and hardships are a result of what doesn’t align with the Universal truths. They’re manifestations of what we are thinking, feeling and doing that is just simply wrong in the logic of the Divine – those which do not uphold and expand Life.

Difficulties give us opportunities to transcend our limited perspective – they point us in the right direction. They point us to the Light – to Source. Our challenge in the physical form is to transcend all that limits us and find our way back to Source. It’s easier said than done, definitely – and that’s the point. Without the difficulties we won’t expand so much.

It’s as though each of us is thrown into a maze and we have to use everything we’ve got to find our way. Our angels and spirit guides are there to guide us through our journey – couching us on where to turn, leap, duck, crawl, walk, run – and when to stand or sit still. Obstacles are faced and “enemies” appear – which could either break us or make us into the Super Heroine/Hero we’re meant to be. If you fail the maze and hit “Game Over” – you could always repeat it – But who wants to repeat the same game? It only makes sense to do it once and for all and move on to the new one. *winks

That’s the simplest way I could describe it. No wonder why humans are enamored by super heroine/hero stories –  because they accurately describe what each is going through and who can each become by accepting her/his own heroine’s/hero’s journey.

People · Relationships · Religion · Self

My conversation with Jesus – Part 2 (Redemption and Life Purpose)

Me: Let’s talk about mission…life purpose. Is it true that you’re the Son of God (therefore, a God, too) sent by God to redeem humanity of their sins?

Jesus: Like I’ve told you, religions like to craft stories based on their political agenda and the consciousness level of the time. Probably most of the time the intentions are good – but the consciousness of the humans are limited so the stories can be backward and disempowering in many ways.

Likewise, like I’ve told you, nobody can “save” anybody else but themselves and their direct, indestructible connection with Source (or God as many would like to call it). I can’t “save” anybody else but myself like any human – and I was a human. I incarnated on Earth. My intention (and the Source’s intention, too) was to set up an example of how to carry your cross (physical existence), go through life and transcend (resurrect, ascend) from it as a more expanded Spirit.

I was the “Son of God” in some religious’ people words – like any human. Each of you came from Source, therefore you’re all “sons and daughters of God”.

What I can contribute to this “life purpose discussion” based on my experiences is this: Before incarnating on Earth, each Spirit creates a plan and a purpose behind it – on what kind of expansion is desired/needed. Once the Spirit incarnates on a physical existence and becomes a human, she/he also comes with her/his own mind and freewill and the purpose that has been decided previously can still change – and it’s totally fine and normal. Real situations are experienced and lessons are learned when the Spirit is in the physical form – therefore it’s only logical to have a change of mind and plans.

Your “life purpose” can have twists and turns like your life path – the two are inseparable. Your life purpose is never final until you’ve  been sentenced to die – and you accept it.

Just look into the story of my life, for instance, there were many points going to my crucifixion where I could’ve resisted and not accepted what would happen next – and doing that would be totally fine to Source, I could change my mind. I knew I was gonna be betrayed, mocked, shamed, persecuted and sentenced to a horrible death. I knew what’s gonna happen next because I had a direct connection to Source and I chose to never lose it. Each step of the way Source would tell me what could happen next, and since I had freewill I was also given the option whether to accept it or not. I co-created my life path and each step of the way, I co-decided what my life purpose was.

Looking from outside, it would all seem tragic and scary, but when living from the inside-out, each choice you make and the consequences that come with it cleanse you and expand you – and having this kind of clarity makes the journey easier to bear. When your “why” is crystal clear to you, the “what” and “how” become secondary. Life still won’t be all sunshine and butterflies but you’ll always see the horizon – and this will bring you so much peace and comfort.

I see life purpose as something that brings meaning to everything you do and all the ways that you ache to expand. It’s something that grounds you – connects you to Source and manifestations of Life. Life purpose is something that fills you – that nourishes you and the life around you. You can never make a mistake in identifying and pursuing a life purpose.

Your life purpose is never final until you’re dying and you completely accept your impending physical death – which symbolizes the end of your life journey (for that particular cycle).

(to be continued…)

Activities · History · People · Relationships · Religion · Self

My conversation with Jesus – Part 1 (The Cross, Life on Earth and Religions)

Without planning it, I found myself sitting inside a Catholic Church at 5 pm yesterday. There were only about five of us inside. The space was the typical Church – it was huge – like it could fit 200-300 people, the ceiling was high, the doors were all open and birds flew around. I sat just face-to-face with the altar – the crucifixion in the center.

I just focused on Jesus in the cross. Intuitively – I asked him my nagging question:

Me: Why are you there? Why are you hanging in that cross? Why did you decide to let that happen?

Jesus: It’s true. I could have not let this happen to me. I could have argued against it, I could have revolted against it or I could simply have run away. But I didn’t. I let the events unfold. I let it happen. Why? Because logic was not what was called for at that time. I knew the only way I could’ve made a mark was by getting crucified without a struggle. If I simply relied on logic and my words I would’ve been able to make my point.

Me: And what was your point?

Jesus: Look, each human goes through similar events. Of course not everyone can (and should) go through exactly what I’ve been through – be crucified or be held on the spotlight (for better or worse – like the famous leaders before and after me). But the mere instance of incarnating into Earth in a physical form – that’s already a crucifixion in itself.

Each of you has been crucified in a way to your physical form and your physical environment – with all your needs, weaknesses and impulses. You’re crucified to time and space – you cannot be everywhere at the same time, you get born and you have to die.

My carrying of my cross and being crucified on it afterwards is just a blatant depiction of what each human goes through – you carry your physical existence like a cross because of course, everybody knows in the Universe that it’s not easy to live on Earth. It’s heavy – even heavier and bigger than you, and walking with it is needless to say, a life and death struggle. Likewise, you’re the only one who can carry it. Some may carry it for you for a time – but this defeats the purpose so you’ll eventually have to carry it again yourself – for the rest of your journey. Others will walk with you and comfort you – and this will help you make it through.

Your cross – your physical existence – is your cross and also your salvation. After all has been done, you’ll resurrect and ascend again and be a part of Spirit/Source which you all came from…then eventually when you’re ready, you’ll plan your next reincarnation.

What exactly is the highlight of my story – and what Christianity likes to highlight as well? My Resurrection. My Ascension. The fact that I rose from the dead and lived forever. Human history never forgets this truth – that life on Earth is temporary. This truth may have been twisted and used in many disempowering ways by some but if you dig into it – you’ll still see its purity. This truth has been preserved because it has helped humanity in making through physical existence.

Forget about being crucified for humanity’s sins – nobody can save anybody else but herself/himself and her/his personal connection to Source. I didn’t save – nor intend to save – anybody else but myself. Going through the way of your life’s cross and your own crucifixion was what I wanted to show, ’cause I knew that’s the path to resurrection, ascension and further expansion.

Each religion creates its own version of a story because it has its own intentions and political agenda. It doesn’t mean religions are useless or just plain destructive – it just means that they are a reflection of the current times. They have to evolve, too. People turn away from religions once they no longer resonate with their expansion. Therefore as humanity evolves and reaches a higher vibration, religions have to evolve, too.

If there are things that turn you off in your religion – then simply don’t accept them. Just like in any situation, use your own discernment and ability to think critically. Source has equipped you with your own mind and freewill – use them. Don’t turn your back against religion altogether simply because you don’t agree with some things about it – you might miss many important lessons it can offer you.

(to be continued…)

Activities · People · Relationships · Self

The path of Forgiveness

One has to go through anger to reach forgiveness.

The Universe has been tirelessly pointing out to me that what I had to do to move forward was to forgive – LOL I didn’t even know I was so angry!

I used to be a runaway. I have developed a bad habit of running away from confrontations. I always believed that there’s no point to discuss, assert and speak up because people’s minds are closed off, anyway. I always thought going through messy times was just a waste.

I was given the chance (for the nth time!) to redeem myself and correct my unhealthy attitude and habit – and I took it. I willingly went through the tunnel of my frustrations, pain and anger towards people and myself. I squirmed, I rolled my eyes, I pushed back. I screamed in disgust and retaliation. It was horrible. I felt horrible – but only for a short while.

Despite it all, I let my higher self lead the way. I listened to my spirit guides, my angels – the all-ever-knowing Universe. I trusted them beyond my ability to trust (LOL swear) to guide me along. I stayed in the path. I sucked it up…and let it all go.

I have been proven wrong many, many times.

I didn’t even know that my lack of trust for practically almost everyone around me has been restricting my life – and my joy. I didn’t know that my anger was robbing me off with all the fun and love that wanted to get near me.

While it was not all sunshine and butterflies – many ugly truths reared its head out, too – what left an impact on me was the truth that the world was not against me – I was neither a victim nor a fucking bitch (for feeling so angry). Yeah, people fucked up and I was dragged into their mess and ego issues. People have hurt me and I felt betrayed quite a few times. Despite all of this, though, I have realized that nobody intentionally wanted to hurt me.

I am still learning how to forgive – I am not yet there. My steps are lighter, though – I feel more capable of moving forward now. Forgiveness really is key because anger causes our perspective to cloud. When we can’t see things as clear as possible we inevitably misinterpret every single thing – and this leads us to the path that is not right for us.

Forgiving is not about forcing ourselves to accept what happened – it’s about learning how to release it.

This is a skill and it takes time to learn (read: I’m still learning how to take the middle ground and neither fall into passive-aggressive silence nor half people with an ax) – but once we’ve mastered it, we would be able to magnify how we live our lives multiple times over. I used to to avoid the path of forgiveness and reroute to another, thinking I could get away without it – this time, I’m glad I didn’t.

People · Relationships · Self


Extroverts usually ask us introverts why are we silent/not speaking in a tone of disturbance  but with superficial concern.

When extroverts ask me that question I feel an urge to EITHER punch them in the face OR ask them why are they talking so much.

That question would surely sound absurd to most extroverts – but for introverts like me, it’s a mystery  how extroverts can speak so much even about things that are pointless. Why do they choose to waste their vocal power and others’ airtime to to senseless chatter?

For sure, it’s also a mystery to them how us, introverts choose to speak rarely. Well, the reason is because what we say is usually rooted in intentions – we don’t just speak for the sake of speaking – and we don’t always choose to speak our mind because we don’t have to. The truth is it’s better to keep most of our thoughts to ourselves and not think out loud all the time.

Activities · People · Relationships · Self · Work

My way to Abundance

Abundance is not just having all your needs and wants met. It’s not just thriving in your own world. I’ve realized that abundance is also the ability to see how the people around you are thriving – and how their abundance relates to you/also becomes possible because of you.

Sometimes we underestimate our impact on others. We don’t know that how we see ourselves, how we see the world, how we live our lives send a ripple effect across all those around us – and even beyond.

I want to be abundant mainly because I want to give back – I want to step up and be an “angel” to others – especially those who’ve been my angels, too.

I want to be abundant because I also want to shower abundance to others especially when they least expect it – because I want them to feel that they are always taken care of, that they can always trust the Universe to provide them with their needs, that it’s true that you reap what you sow. I want to give back because there have been countless times when I received grace when I least expected it – when I least deserved it.

I feel abundant when I don’t have to take a pause and calculate – before I give. I want to give without worrying about my own needs. I want to give when I want to give. I want to give without asking for anything in return. I want to have more and be more so I can share more of what I have and who I am.

The Universe has graced my life with so much abundance and unconditional, immeasurable love. I’m ready now. It’s time for me to be a part of that cycle and this time to be the one who’s on the other end, reaching out her hand to those in need of some support. I want to be one of Universe’s many helping hands.

Activities · People · Self · Work

How invalidation has helped me become better at what I choose to do

For sure each of us has this familiar story: You work hard on something for months or years on end only to be invalidated or totally discredited. Sometimes, colleagues would steal your ideas and they would get the accolades, other times your great work and development would simply get unnoticed and worst is when despite all evidences that you’re doing well or you’ve produced tangible great results you’ll be told you’re not good enough right in your face and that what you’re doing is unimpressive or totally unworthy of reward.

I’ve had my own share of all sorts of invalidation since I was a kid. I would say half of the time it’s because of my introversion and half of it is because I simply display this aura of not giving a fuck to other people’s validation of me or the lack thereof.

I wouldn’t be a hypocrite though and say that I don’t feel hurt when my hard work and contribution go unnoticed and when others get credit for what they do and who they are. I won’t say I don’t get hurt when people look down on me because I’m an introvert and I hate small talks, even though I can pull it off, too and be awesome at it if I push myself to. It sucks to be in those situations.

On the other hand, though, because of those experiences I’ve learned not to depend on other people’s validation in doing great work and in pushing myself to be better. I’ve learned to have other means of getting the kick that I need. I just strive to be good at what I do because I love the process of mastering something.

Because I have learned not to rely on compliments and rewards to be good at something, I’ve also learned how not to be devastated by criticisms when they strike me.

I can still remember a particular incident when I was 9 nine years old, and was at the top of my class of around 200 students. There was a time when a classmate of mine and I both got perfect scores in a written activity in our English subject. The activity required objective answers so there was no way we could have different answers. My teacher asked to take a look at our work sheets. After taking a quick look at my classmate’s work sheet, she told her “Very good!”, and my classmate picked up her sheet and went back to her seat. I quickly stood up and handed her my sheet when it was my turn to do so. She didn’t even really looked at it and then she told me without even looking at me, “It’s so-so.” I couldn’t on earth make sense of her remark. My classmate and I both had the same answers but I didn’t know how could she give different comments on each of our work.

I wasn’t really hurt about what she did. There were these thoughts/feelings I had instead: 1.) I have concluded that some adults were just plain absurd and stupid., 2.) My work and myself will not be evaluated fairly all the time and that’s not my fault, 3.) Competing with others was simply not my thing. I didn’t have any interest on it. I was indifferent. It was senseless for me. 4.) I won’t ever be able to please everyone despite doing my very best – and that although I could get unfair evaluations from others, it’s really not something I should take personally.

I didn’t let that incident derail me or put a blow on my self-esteem. It didn’t affect my perseverance or passion in learning. I kept on acing my studies until I graduated my grade school – and until I graduated college, actually. I just didn’t pay so much attention to others’ evaluation of me. What’s interesting though, was that this classmate of mine who was used to getting compliments, eventually dropped out of our school and transferred to a new school simply because she couldn’t accept the fact that she cannot beat me – and other top students in our batch – which caused her embarrassment and led to her low self-esteem.

I felt sorry for her because she has put too much emphasis on the value other people placed on her instead of rooting for her own intrinsic and indestructible value. She was a smart, hardworking and nice student. I saw her as a friend. I liked hanging out with her because she’s fun and really nice. Surely, she had become successful in whichever career she chose to pursue.  It’s just sad what happened to her at that time.

I didn’t know that I’d be able to keep on coming back to that experience and use that in times when all I can rely on was my own self-belief. I didn’t know it would be so valuable to learn that at a young age.

I recently experienced something similar and instead of feeling low, I just recollected that memory and the lessons I got from it. Now I’m able to brush off what happened and just laugh at it. It’s a great feeling to be able to transcend those ego-based rewards and see the subtle truth behind it.

People · Relationships · Self

Each relationship runs its own course

The other day I asked my higher self why despite working on my relationship with this particular person (I’m not talking about my life partner), why won’t it lead to more affection and more intimacy?

That’s what this post is about.

My higher self gave me this profound answer:

Each relationship runs its own course. Achieving complete connection between two people doesn’t always translate to more affection and more intimacy. It doesn’t mean you’re gonna be sharing more of yourselves or having more fun and meaningful experiences together. In some relationships, complete connection manifests in calmness, in the absence of conflict (when there used to be a lot of it), in the absence of the desire to control the other to adhere to one’s expectations. Sometimes complete connection simply means honoring the differences between the two of you and respecting the uniqueness of the other. Sometimes, two people simply have more differences than similarities that sharing more experiences together is more of a struggle than something which happens naturally.

I’ve always wanted my relationship with this person to be full of sharing and understanding. I want us to help each other go through our lives and achieve what we define for ourselves as success. But the more I struggle for that to happen the more that I feel frustrated. Maybe it’s time for me to realize that the idea of what our relationship could be is just and will remain to be a fantasy. Maybe it’s never meant to be that way. Maybe how we are at present is how it’s all ever going to be and that our relationship has ran its own course. I should be at peace with it and stop myself from trying to get more out of it/or stop myself from pushing it to be something it’s not and will never be.

Activities · People · Relationships · Self

What does “release” actually mean?

I was inspired to do a “releasing” meditation yesterday. I was browsing my favorite meditation guide playlist when the releasing meditate caught me attention. I didn’t even know what that meant or why would I wanted to do it. But I felt a subtle pull so I did it.

I finished the meditation, and I felt lighter as always. But still, I barely understood what “release” really meant for me at that time. I knew what I wanted to release though, but it was still not clear to me how the fuck I was supposed to do it aside from meditating on it.

So I posed the question to the universe I was on my way to the grocery. I asked from my spirit, “What does release mean for me and why do I want to do it?”. Not surprisingly, the answer came to me on an instant (this always happens when I ask with the fullness of my intentions to understand), it went something like this:

“I want to release them so they can be completely themselves especially when they are around me.”

Come to think of it, I did the releasing meditation with the belief that I was doing it mainly to benefit myself. But the answer I got was not really about my concern only and mainly for myself.

I realized that our expectations of others weigh inevitably weigh on them, and in turn, it weighs on us, too. By imprisoning them, we imprison ourselves, too. I used to think in a more limited sense. I hoped certain people would change in a way that would be more convenient to me. This is the first time that I truthfully felt ready for authenticity.

The Universe also told me that I had to release my worries so it can work in resolving the situation in a divine way. By grabbing onto it, I was impeding the natural process of resolution and peace. I was working against my own best intentions.

I still don’t know if the resolution has began (lol my cynical brain in action). But I feel so much lighter now. I feel like I have more room for other things now; things that bring me joy and excitement.


Activities · People · Self

Meanings are meant to be lived or else they’ll have to die

I think it’s Zizek who said that quotes are meaningless because they can all be true. I got that from one of his videos I believe but I’m sorry ’cause I already forgot which so I cannot quote him directly.

Anyway, this thought just came back to me this morning. You see, I’m the kind of person who definitely digs quotes that I even follow those kinds of accounts on IG. I initially thought everybody is exactly the same, but turns out, not, because my partner is not so keen with them.

Well, to tell you, I just realized that all kinds of perspectives really have portions of truth in it, therefore, making them all meaningless in a way, cancelling each other out. I think what makes any thought meaningful is how it lives in our actual lives and how real people are affected by it. Thoughts don’t have inherent meaning or significance, that’s what I’d like to argue. Anything can be good or bad, but they’re not essentially either.

A perspective can be good for me but bad for someone else. I’d say, when it comes to picking out the beliefs to adopt, one must observe how it affects his/her life. By adopting a certain perspective, does it make one a better person or not? Does it make one happier, more grateful or not? Does it contribute in the expansion of other people’s lives or not? Does it cause joy or harm to oneself or to others? Does it make one achieve his/her goals or not? Is it empowering or not?

We are usually more able to let go of a habit or a relationship or practically anything once we’re clear with how it’s no longer serving us. We cling to things even if they’re no longer or have never been good for us because in one way or another, whether we’d like to admit it or not, they serve us, therefore subconsciously we think we need them.

So when we’re in conflict whether to keep or let something go, I think it would be helpful to ask ourselves, “Is this helping me become the person I want to be, or achieve the life I want to live?”, “Is this making me feel the things I want to feel such as being happy and at peace?”. I just realized that there is no point in keeping something which only eats up our spirit or makes us less of who we are. Yes we can keep on fighting for something we believe in, but if it’s not making us fully alive (and that means joyful), it’s a waste. We’ve already lost by losing our true selves.

When it comes to beliefs, I think we shouldn’t adopt a belief just because it has worked wonders for others. We should look how it’s working in our lives instead. Beliefs evolve, too, and many are meant to eventually die as we expand.