People · Self · Work

A note on Authenticity

If I am to move forward with my desired path, I have to make peace with a few things – specifically this:

Some people are gonna hate me for who I really am, exactly for my character and all that I stand for. I should stop being defensive and make excuses like – they’re judgmental, they don’t see the entire picture, they are superficial, they don’t know me to my core, they don’t know that we are all connected blah blah blah – because that’s exactly the point, there will always be those who will hate me because they know me to the core, or at least they are aware of the parts of me that are crucial to my character as a whole.

This is perfectly normal. On the other hand, some people will love me because they really see who I am to the core. Being authentic is a polarizing act – but it’s an act that will liberate us above all and will lead us to where we should be, to where we will thrive and contribute to the fullness of our capacity.

This is not a time to water down my authenticity or back off a bit – this is a time to push forward and make peace with the obstacles by being decisive at every shift.

People · Self · Work

This is an Aha day

The people around us will always have their opinions about our choices. We don’t have to – and we definitely shouldn’t listen to all of them. We have to learn how to filter out these voices.

We must only listen to those who we want to be more similar with and whose lives match the life we want for ourselves.

What makes other people happy or successful won’t necessarily make us happy and successful. So we should stop looking around us and mindlessly copy bits and pieces of how others live their lives – or be affected by what others say about us and how we live.

Activities · People · Relationships · Self · Travel

My funny, lovely meditation experience

I’ve had many serious AND FUNNY visualization meditations (without intending to). There have been times when I would see archangels being silly and inviting me to play around with them instead of being so serious all the time. In many instances I would see all sorts of animals stepping into my meditation, inviting me to do all sorts of random, silly and funny stuff which are “serious” for them.

Just this morning I did a visualization meditation where I had to climb the top of Mt. Everest. Guess what? I saw myself wearing a onesie (instead of serious hiking clothes complete with the necessary gears). At first I thought it was a unicorn onesie…then a fox appeared and told me I was so funny wearing a Totoro onesie. I wasn’t a unicorn after all.

This fox was eating cheese and drinking wine. She even invited me to her house and said that she would cook dinner for me for when I come back from the peak. She said of course cheese is best partnered with wine – and that of course, foxes eat cheese and drink wine and that she had all the supplies she needed.

Shortly after, I met a hedgehog who climbed the peak with me. Before we started climbing, he gave me a gold penny to remind me that I always have all the abundance of wealth and support that I need…and that of course he’s got an infinite number of gold pennies at home because he’s a penny-maker. He even gave me a Hi-C drink and we were drinking at the peak like we’re best buddies in grade school hanging out in the courtyard.

Eventually, yes, the three of us had dinner together prepared by the elegant Ms. Fox. It was a yummy potato soup…and we ate cheese of course and drank red wine. Mr. Hedgehog was laughing at me, saying “Who wears a onesie to Mt. Everest?”. We spent the evening talking about our funny and silly experiences in life – like we’ve been friends forever. 🙂 What a funny, lovely meditation experience!

People · Self

An open note to Self and to all dear stranger friends

Seriously, how often do we give thanks for the things that make our daily life functional, fun and productive? For those who have an abundance of stuff, probably most don’t even see these things I’m referring to. We’re so focused with what we don’t have – with acquiring more. We rarely feel satiated and complete. This is an effect of a commercialized culture – and we have to catch ourselves in the midst of it and correct our attitude.

People · Relationships · Self · Work

Authenticity and Happiness

The truth of the matter is –

You will never be happy in any situation if you cannot express the full authenticity of who you are.

…if the people around you are expecting you to be someone else, if what you are doing is not in alignment with what matters to you and what brings you joy, if your time is being consumed by things that don’t support you in the direction you want to go.

Like me, many of us had to learn this lesson the hard way. Even the best opportunities (on the surface) could in reality limit us from being who we really are. Therefore it becomes imperative to walk away. Believe that the Universe is abundance and that you will get what is more suitable to you once you let go of what doesn’t support your authentic spirit.

I’m still in the midst of this journey and I haven’t found my next stop yet – but each day I am learning that what I did was the right thing to do at that time and my reasons were enough. I gotta stop berating myself for my decisions. All is well.

Activities · People · Relationships · Self

Finally, Release

Most of the time the pivotal moments in our life happen in solitude.

Just yesterday while I was folding fresh clothes, I got some new text messages from my father – nothing extraordinary, he’s simply asking me about the recent HK trip with my boyfriend. For some reason this gesture has touched me in ways that I guess, were already tender in me. I started sobbing as I thought –

I have to change. I have to forgive. I have to be open.

And while I was pertaining primarily to him, it also applied to other areas and people in my life where I have blocked myself off.

Despite everything that has happened in the family, and between him and I as a parent and child, he never ceased to be consistent in reaching out to me, asking me about my life and how I am. Probably some people would take this for granted since that’s what fathers do, anyway. Well I don’t. He remained humble, brave enough to face us with all his mistakes and stay with us determined to remain the responsible father we’ve always known. He remained loving in his own ways. Some men would have run away and would just live their second lives until they die. On the other hand, there have been times when I blocked him off and judged him just like that. He never behaved that way towards me. He was understanding, grounded, loving when I wasn’t. For these reasons alone he clearly deserves to be a father – and I want to remain his daughter.

Now I understand what spiritual teachings say about the importance of forgiveness in manifesting your desires. When you haven’t forgiven something, including yourself, the flow of abundance in your life is blocked. You don’t trust the opportunities and genuine people around you. You’re reserved, hiding inside yourself ’cause you’re scared to get hurt again.

Anger has its own purpose – just like anything that we hold on to. But its benefits only lasts for a while. We must let it go when the time comes that it has served its purpose in our life. Not doing this will give rise to blockages and feelings of getting stuck.

Funny how true cliches are. I always read about spiritual teachings but I’ve proven myself again and again that only life experiences can teach us what they mean – and we’ll feel it to our core.

For years I have known that I had to forgive my father, that my anger wasn’t serving me anymore – but only from a theoretical perspective. I’ve resolved to forgive and even planned my way through it. Well, it never worked that way. Now that the realization came from my soul – I feel as though I don’t even have to strategize how I am gonna do it.

The mere realization that I needed to forgive was the act of forgiving in itself.

Incredible how life works.

Most of us are chasing after things that we suppose matter more – but the gem of living is really found in these personal, spiritual breakthroughs and milestones.

People · Relationships · Religion

My conversation with Jesus – Part 3 (Life Difficulties and The Heroine’s/Hero’s Journey)

Me: What are heartaches and hardships for? Why do we incarnate to experience those?

Jesus: We don’t wanna live in theories – we all know theories are only possible because of practice. Theories can also only expand because of practice. The Universe is not a static one – it’s alive, it evolves. Physical reality is important because it makes it possible to bring ideas to physical forms, it’s a place where feelings and thoughts turn into physical manifestations and where choices have real life consequences. We can see how action and reaction are related more clearly. This makes us learn more.

Heartaches and hardships are a result of what doesn’t align with the Universal truths. They’re manifestations of what we are thinking, feeling and doing that is just simply wrong in the logic of the Divine – those which do not uphold and expand Life.

Difficulties give us opportunities to transcend our limited perspective – they point us in the right direction. They point us to the Light – to Source. Our challenge in the physical form is to transcend all that limits us and find our way back to Source. It’s easier said than done, definitely – and that’s the point. Without the difficulties we won’t expand so much.

It’s as though each of us is thrown into a maze and we have to use everything we’ve got to find our way. Our angels and spirit guides are there to guide us through our journey – couching us on where to turn, leap, duck, crawl, walk, run – and when to stand or sit still. Obstacles are faced and “enemies” appear – which could either break us or make us into the Super Heroine/Hero we’re meant to be. If you fail the maze and hit “Game Over” – you could always repeat it – But who wants to repeat the same game? It only makes sense to do it once and for all and move on to the new one. *winks

That’s the simplest way I could describe it. No wonder why humans are enamored by super heroine/hero stories –  because they accurately describe what each is going through and who can each become by accepting her/his own heroine’s/hero’s journey.

People · Relationships · Religion · Self

My conversation with Jesus – Part 2 (Redemption and Life Purpose)

Me: Let’s talk about mission…life purpose. Is it true that you’re the Son of God (therefore, a God, too) sent by God to redeem humanity of their sins?

Jesus: Like I’ve told you, religions like to craft stories based on their political agenda and the consciousness level of the time. Probably most of the time the intentions are good – but the consciousness of the humans are limited so the stories can be backward and disempowering in many ways.

Likewise, like I’ve told you, nobody can “save” anybody else but themselves and their direct, indestructible connection with Source (or God as many would like to call it). I can’t “save” anybody else but myself like any human – and I was a human. I incarnated on Earth. My intention (and the Source’s intention, too) was to set up an example of how to carry your cross (physical existence), go through life and transcend (resurrect, ascend) from it as a more expanded Spirit.

I was the “Son of God” in some religious’ people words – like any human. Each of you came from Source, therefore you’re all “sons and daughters of God”.

What I can contribute to this “life purpose discussion” based on my experiences is this: Before incarnating on Earth, each Spirit creates a plan and a purpose behind it – on what kind of expansion is desired/needed. Once the Spirit incarnates on a physical existence and becomes a human, she/he also comes with her/his own mind and freewill and the purpose that has been decided previously can still change – and it’s totally fine and normal. Real situations are experienced and lessons are learned when the Spirit is in the physical form – therefore it’s only logical to have a change of mind and plans.

Your “life purpose” can have twists and turns like your life path – the two are inseparable. Your life purpose is never final until you’ve  been sentenced to die – and you accept it.

Just look into the story of my life, for instance, there were many points going to my crucifixion where I could’ve resisted and not accepted what would happen next – and doing that would be totally fine to Source, I could change my mind. I knew I was gonna be betrayed, mocked, shamed, persecuted and sentenced to a horrible death. I knew what’s gonna happen next because I had a direct connection to Source and I chose to never lose it. Each step of the way Source would tell me what could happen next, and since I had freewill I was also given the option whether to accept it or not. I co-created my life path and each step of the way, I co-decided what my life purpose was.

Looking from outside, it would all seem tragic and scary, but when living from the inside-out, each choice you make and the consequences that come with it cleanse you and expand you – and having this kind of clarity makes the journey easier to bear. When your “why” is crystal clear to you, the “what” and “how” become secondary. Life still won’t be all sunshine and butterflies but you’ll always see the horizon – and this will bring you so much peace and comfort.

I see life purpose as something that brings meaning to everything you do and all the ways that you ache to expand. It’s something that grounds you – connects you to Source and manifestations of Life. Life purpose is something that fills you – that nourishes you and the life around you. You can never make a mistake in identifying and pursuing a life purpose.

Your life purpose is never final until you’re dying and you completely accept your impending physical death – which symbolizes the end of your life journey (for that particular cycle).

(to be continued…)

Activities · History · People · Relationships · Religion · Self

My conversation with Jesus – Part 1 (The Cross, Life on Earth and Religions)

Without planning it, I found myself sitting inside a Catholic Church at 5 pm yesterday. There were only about five of us inside. The space was the typical Church – it was huge – like it could fit 200-300 people, the ceiling was high, the doors were all open and birds flew around. I sat just face-to-face with the altar – the crucifixion in the center.

I just focused on Jesus in the cross. Intuitively – I asked him my nagging question:

Me: Why are you there? Why are you hanging in that cross? Why did you decide to let that happen?

Jesus: It’s true. I could have not let this happen to me. I could have argued against it, I could have revolted against it or I could simply have run away. But I didn’t. I let the events unfold. I let it happen. Why? Because logic was not what was called for at that time. I knew the only way I could’ve made a mark was by getting crucified without a struggle. If I simply relied on logic and my words I would’ve been able to make my point.

Me: And what was your point?

Jesus: Look, each human goes through similar events. Of course not everyone can (and should) go through exactly what I’ve been through – be crucified or be held on the spotlight (for better or worse – like the famous leaders before and after me). But the mere instance of incarnating into Earth in a physical form – that’s already a crucifixion in itself.

Each of you has been crucified in a way to your physical form and your physical environment – with all your needs, weaknesses and impulses. You’re crucified to time and space – you cannot be everywhere at the same time, you get born and you have to die.

My carrying of my cross and being crucified on it afterwards is just a blatant depiction of what each human goes through – you carry your physical existence like a cross because of course, everybody knows in the Universe that it’s not easy to live on Earth. It’s heavy – even heavier and bigger than you, and walking with it is needless to say, a life and death struggle. Likewise, you’re the only one who can carry it. Some may carry it for you for a time – but this defeats the purpose so you’ll eventually have to carry it again yourself – for the rest of your journey. Others will walk with you and comfort you – and this will help you make it through.

Your cross – your physical existence – is your cross and also your salvation. After all has been done, you’ll resurrect and ascend again and be a part of Spirit/Source which you all came from…then eventually when you’re ready, you’ll plan your next reincarnation.

What exactly is the highlight of my story – and what Christianity likes to highlight as well? My Resurrection. My Ascension. The fact that I rose from the dead and lived forever. Human history never forgets this truth – that life on Earth is temporary. This truth may have been twisted and used in many disempowering ways by some but if you dig into it – you’ll still see its purity. This truth has been preserved because it has helped humanity in making through physical existence.

Forget about being crucified for humanity’s sins – nobody can save anybody else but herself/himself and her/his personal connection to Source. I didn’t save – nor intend to save – anybody else but myself. Going through the way of your life’s cross and your own crucifixion was what I wanted to show, ’cause I knew that’s the path to resurrection, ascension and further expansion.

Each religion creates its own version of a story because it has its own intentions and political agenda. It doesn’t mean religions are useless or just plain destructive – it just means that they are a reflection of the current times. They have to evolve, too. People turn away from religions once they no longer resonate with their expansion. Therefore as humanity evolves and reaches a higher vibration, religions have to evolve, too.

If there are things that turn you off in your religion – then simply don’t accept them. Just like in any situation, use your own discernment and ability to think critically. Source has equipped you with your own mind and freewill – use them. Don’t turn your back against religion altogether simply because you don’t agree with some things about it – you might miss many important lessons it can offer you.

(to be continued…)

Activities · People · Relationships · Self

The path of Forgiveness

One has to go through anger to reach forgiveness.

The Universe has been tirelessly pointing out to me that what I had to do to move forward was to forgive – LOL I didn’t even know I was so angry!

I used to be a runaway. I have developed a bad habit of running away from confrontations. I always believed that there’s no point to discuss, assert and speak up because people’s minds are closed off, anyway. I always thought going through messy times was just a waste.

I was given the chance (for the nth time!) to redeem myself and correct my unhealthy attitude and habit – and I took it. I willingly went through the tunnel of my frustrations, pain and anger towards people and myself. I squirmed, I rolled my eyes, I pushed back. I screamed in disgust and retaliation. It was horrible. I felt horrible – but only for a short while.

Despite it all, I let my higher self lead the way. I listened to my spirit guides, my angels – the all-ever-knowing Universe. I trusted them beyond my ability to trust (LOL swear) to guide me along. I stayed in the path. I sucked it up…and let it all go.

I have been proven wrong many, many times.

I didn’t even know that my lack of trust for practically almost everyone around me has been restricting my life – and my joy. I didn’t know that my anger was robbing me off with all the fun and love that wanted to get near me.

While it was not all sunshine and butterflies – many ugly truths reared its head out, too – what left an impact on me was the truth that the world was not against me – I was neither a victim nor a fucking bitch (for feeling so angry). Yeah, people fucked up and I was dragged into their mess and ego issues. People have hurt me and I felt betrayed quite a few times. Despite all of this, though, I have realized that nobody intentionally wanted to hurt me.

I am still learning how to forgive – I am not yet there. My steps are lighter, though – I feel more capable of moving forward now. Forgiveness really is key because anger causes our perspective to cloud. When we can’t see things as clear as possible we inevitably misinterpret every single thing – and this leads us to the path that is not right for us.

Forgiving is not about forcing ourselves to accept what happened – it’s about learning how to release it.

This is a skill and it takes time to learn (read: I’m still learning how to take the middle ground and neither fall into passive-aggressive silence nor half people with an ax) – but once we’ve mastered it, we would be able to magnify how we live our lives multiple times over. I used to to avoid the path of forgiveness and reroute to another, thinking I could get away without it – this time, I’m glad I didn’t.