Some things are worthy of Second Chances

Healing, Life path, People, People & Relationships, The Self

handsI didn’t always believe in second chances. I’d rather work on something new than go back and fix, what to me, was broken.

Three recent instances have taught me otherwise. Needless to say, I’ve been reluctant in all.

The only thing that has made me reconsider my point of view was – Sincerity.

The other parties’ sincerity opened up my mind into taking another look at how things have played out which has led to my decision to end things. It enabled me to think what’s possible if things were different, if we were different, or if we choose to try again.

I said yes to these second chances with open eyes and a more open heart – fully understanding what’s at stake and what could go wrong – again. It feels like walking on eggshells on some days and free-diving on others; it’s both limiting and liberating.

I deem these three things worthy of second chances, despite the effort I have to put into them and the leaps in consciousness I have to take, because in the undercurrent I sense a tenderness – life’s way of offering me the chance to forgive and  trust again on a whole new level.

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The Go-Getter Mindset

Creative Living, Life path, Life's Work, Manifestation, People & Relationships, The Self

lizmayvWhen you believe something is missing or needs to change – opt for the better way; don’t resort to complaining and feeling helpless – get started and do something about it. This may not entirely address the situation, but it’s a way to start the momentum in the direction you want it to go.

If you’re in the right place, with the right people, at the right time, and if your concerns make sense – your efforts will be met with support. If not then maybe it’s not the right time yet or maybe it’s better for you to simply move on.  Your brilliance and sincerity are better spent somewhere else.

No one will hand you want you want. Big girl, you gotta go get it.

 

Rock the Boat

Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

confused…and watch how others scramble around.  Watch ourselves scramble. Those who can get their balance back will become more grounded and capable, while those who can’t will probably end up throwing themselves off in the water.

This is how we grow. It’s either we rock the boat we are in or life rocks the shit out of us.

Priorities

Career, Life's Work, Manifestation, People & Relationships, The Self

yellowbrownWe can strive to have what we’ve conceptualized as “work-life balance” or we can raise the bar in choosing which causes, career opportunities, activities and relationships to engage with. Then limiting the time we allot to work becomes secondary since the things we choose to invest on are in alignment with what nourishes us and the things and relationships that matter to us.

 

 

 

 

What’s your Self-Love Story?

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

couple2For those in a relationship: If I ask you “What’s the greatest challenge you have overcame or are going through now with your life partner?” and “Is there any pattern you have noticed in all your intimate relationships so far? If yes, what is it?” What answers jumped off the bat?

Like any unhealed wound, a part of yourself is in need of healing and it will come through in all ways that might get your attention.

It can manifest through a pattern in a relationship, something that gets you stuck in a loop of some sort – acting out similar situations with similar people.

To me the greatest challenge I have had peace with was my fear of abandonment. Like most stubborn fears, it’s rooted in childhood. I grew up with an emotionally (and physically for the most part, too) unavailable father. My parents were in a codependent marriage. My mother felt abandoned and unloved for the majority of their relationship. I am the eldest, too, which has put me in a position to experience the emotional chaos firsthand. My parents had me when they were in their early 20’s. They were basically kids, themselves, who were forced to grow up.

I had a series of relationships during my twenties with guys who were unavailable, too, in all sorts of ways. It almost always ended up with me getting hurt, feeling guilty and embarrassed. After so many “second” chances I had been given and I had taken to start again and make things right – I finally did it. I took a good look at myself, gave my full love and attention to the unhealed child in me, and ended up the long cycle of abandonment that I was trapped in.

Little did I know that it was just the beginning of healing.

What happened next was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my life – my relationship with my current partner. It’s not a coincidence that the love of my life happens to be from another continent, 15 hours away by plane from me. Almost everyone I know didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. To them it never works and never will.  We’re on our third year together this year and we’ve known each other for four – and we’re just getting started 😉

This is the second volume of my healing. By being in a long-distance relationship I was able to make further peace with my fear of abandonment. I was able to ace the challenge of growing together with my partner in a loving and intimate relationship despite being geographically separated. We’d only see each other anytime between four and eight months at a time, and we have the six to seven hour time difference on a daily basis.

Like any kind of healing, this has caused me to be grounded again, to feel more supported again not only by a partner but by life itself – and not only by life itself, but above all by ME.

I felt abandoned for so long because the painful truth was – I’ve abandoned myself over and over again by making decisions not out of self-love but out of self-lack. I simply repeated patterns I grew up with instead of making conscious, empowered choices.

Isn’t it sweet how all our challenges – especially the most stubborn ones – lead to the same thing? Deep, juicy, bottomless, nourishing Self-Love.

What’s your self-love story? 🙂

 

Turning Fear into our Greatest Ally

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

lostDo you know a cool way to determine how much you’ve grown?

Look back a few years from now, a few months from now, even a few weeks, days, hours and minutes from now – and identify which fears you have tamed, mastered, overcame. Really scan your body, your memories for those things that used to make you feel suneasy, terrified, anything that has kept you from doing certain things you’ve wanted to do.

List those fears that are your fears no more.

I see those as stepping stones. Some even feel like mountain ranges, volcanoes, and even heavenly bodies crashing into earth.

No matter how big or small we perceive them to be, how life-changing they may have been, they have taken us this far in our journey. They are our warrior trophies.

It’s not only a good way of reflecting how much we have grown but also a good way of reframing our perspective towards fear itself. By having this new outlook, it becomes possible to look at fear not as something to be avoided at all cost but as something to be curious about.

Fear has the key to the next level of our journey. It leads us to the door of our further expansion.

Some of the fears I have overcame were:

Fear of saying “No”. Fear of saying I don’t want this certain (insert situation, relationship, habit, way of living, etc.) anymore. Knowing well the consequences and still stepping on the brakes. Against all odds, choosing my own well-being and integrity.

Confronting the truth of another person. Facing the fact that the person I loved, admired, trusted, good friends with may actually be unhealthy for me. Accepting their humanity and letting my ideations of them go.

Taking chances (fear of rejection and heartache). Going for some of my biggest dreams. Embracing the possibility that I can manifest the career that I wanted. Making the first move to make a loving partnership happen. Going for the things that I deeply wanted with the risk of getting rejected and beaten. Going for them, anyway.

Putting my art (and inevitably, myself) out there (again, fear of rejection and embarrasment). Believing that me and my art have a place in this world, that we are meant to be seen. That somewhere out there, there are those who will be entertained and/or inspired by what we are aching to offer.

Being alone (and not “making it”). Yes, even the most introverted person like me can still have fears of being alone. I love solitude so much and I need it like a fish needs to be in the water. Despite the fact, I used to have this existential fear – that I’m sure most of us can resonate with – of uncertainty whether I can really be autonomous over my life. You know what I did? I embraced that fear. I ended codependent relationships, stopped chasing things that were obviously running away from me, I traveled solo, I built my path with my bare hands and feet – tried and failed, tried and failed – and then tried and succeeded.

This approach has helped me a lot! It’s handy especially during those times when I feel like a total loser, like I’m not really going anywhere and I’m just running in place. Fear has a powerful way of holding us hostage in our own life, in our own mind. But by flipping the switch of our perspective, we can turn fear from being our worst foe into our greatest ally.

May your fears lead you the way to your own alignment.

Get your Priorities Straight

Authenticity, People & Relationships, The Self

blackhair

Having difficulty saying “No”? Tired of feeling guilty? Overcommitted but unfulfilled? Do yourself and everyone a favor – get your priorities straight!

I didn’t know I’ll thank myself later for it, when I declined someone’s invitation to join a trip. I knew it would be nice to go, and I’d definitely would want to spend time with the people there. However, this was tugging at my sleeve – the truth that I’ve already made up my mind on which to prioritize. My weekends have already been blocked off.

A few days later, after declining the said invitation, my grandmother mentioned a trip she has been planning with the rest of the family on the day the other trip was supposed to take place. I felt an opening inside, and a smile couldn’t help but slip off my lips – I said “Yes” in a heartbeat.

It’s the only kind of “Yes” that we deserve. That “Yes” that we don’t think twice for; that “Yes” that resonates with all of our being.

When we get our priorities straight, knowing when to say “No” and actually saying it will be a bit easier. Likewise, by doing so, we are opening up ourselves more to those opporunities that would really bring us joy. Less guilt, less stress, more fun and fulfillment!

Freedom is the Key

Authenticity, People & Relationships, The Self

fernwater

 

How do you love a wild thing?
How do you merge with a spirit without putting its fire out?
Without losing yourself in the process?

Embrace your own freedom.
Run wild with the wolves. Run boundless like the horses.
Fly high with no apologies, with no fear.

In your utmost freedom you will find
all seemingly separate things in this world intertwine.

Allow and Connect

People & Relationships, The Self

cat

How do you forge a relationship with an animal?

You ground yourself.
You stay present,

with full acceptance of who you are
and what is.

You allow this creature, always free in spirit
to come to you.

To calm down,
to merge with your presence

with no expectations of the outcome
or the length of your time together.

How do you forge a relationship with another human?

You go back to the top.

Repeat.