Some things are worthy of Second Chances

Healing, Life path, People, People & Relationships, The Self

handsI didn’t always believe in second chances. I’d rather work on something new than go back and fix, what to me, was broken.

Three recent instances have taught me otherwise. Needless to say, I’ve been reluctant in all.

The only thing that has made me reconsider my point of view was – Sincerity.

The other parties’ sincerity opened up my mind into taking another look at how things have played out which has led to my decision to end things. It enabled me to think what’s possible if things were different, if we were different, or if we choose to try again.

I said yes to these second chances with open eyes and a more open heart – fully understanding what’s at stake and what could go wrong – again. It feels like walking on eggshells on some days and free-diving on others; it’s both limiting and liberating.

I deem these three things worthy of second chances, despite the effort I have to put into them and the leaps in consciousness I have to take, because in the undercurrent I sense a tenderness – life’s way of offering me the chance to forgive and  trust again on a whole new level.

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Transitions. Liberation.

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, Life path, Manifestation, The Self

Circumstances don’t change. It’s us who do.

upCircumstances remain the same because all probabilities co-exist at the same time – what could happen already has, already is. Our focus determines which reality we experience. Pivot a bit in a different direction and our whole perspective changes. It could even feel like a completely different world at times.

When we feel like circumstances have changed it’s because we have changed.

It’s the will and the effort that we’ve put onto ourselves that transform our life.

 

What’s your Self-Love Story?

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

couple2For those in a relationship: If I ask you “What’s the greatest challenge you have overcame or are going through now with your life partner?” and “Is there any pattern you have noticed in all your intimate relationships so far? If yes, what is it?” What answers jumped off the bat?

Like any unhealed wound, a part of yourself is in need of healing and it will come through in all ways that might get your attention.

It can manifest through a pattern in a relationship, something that gets you stuck in a loop of some sort – acting out similar situations with similar people.

To me the greatest challenge I have had peace with was my fear of abandonment. Like most stubborn fears, it’s rooted in childhood. I grew up with an emotionally (and physically for the most part, too) unavailable father. My parents were in a codependent marriage. My mother felt abandoned and unloved for the majority of their relationship. I am the eldest, too, which has put me in a position to experience the emotional chaos firsthand. My parents had me when they were in their early 20’s. They were basically kids, themselves, who were forced to grow up.

I had a series of relationships during my twenties with guys who were unavailable, too, in all sorts of ways. It almost always ended up with me getting hurt, feeling guilty and embarrassed. After so many “second” chances I had been given and I had taken to start again and make things right – I finally did it. I took a good look at myself, gave my full love and attention to the unhealed child in me, and ended up the long cycle of abandonment that I was trapped in.

Little did I know that it was just the beginning of healing.

What happened next was one of the most beautiful things that happened in my life – my relationship with my current partner. It’s not a coincidence that the love of my life happens to be from another continent, 15 hours away by plane from me. Almost everyone I know didn’t believe in long-distance relationships. To them it never works and never will.  We’re on our third year together this year and we’ve known each other for four – and we’re just getting started 😉

This is the second volume of my healing. By being in a long-distance relationship I was able to make further peace with my fear of abandonment. I was able to ace the challenge of growing together with my partner in a loving and intimate relationship despite being geographically separated. We’d only see each other anytime between four and eight months at a time, and we have the six to seven hour time difference on a daily basis.

Like any kind of healing, this has caused me to be grounded again, to feel more supported again not only by a partner but by life itself – and not only by life itself, but above all by ME.

I felt abandoned for so long because the painful truth was – I’ve abandoned myself over and over again by making decisions not out of self-love but out of self-lack. I simply repeated patterns I grew up with instead of making conscious, empowered choices.

Isn’t it sweet how all our challenges – especially the most stubborn ones – lead to the same thing? Deep, juicy, bottomless, nourishing Self-Love.

What’s your self-love story? 🙂

 

Turning Fear into our Greatest Ally

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, The Self

lostDo you know a cool way to determine how much you’ve grown?

Look back a few years from now, a few months from now, even a few weeks, days, hours and minutes from now – and identify which fears you have tamed, mastered, overcame. Really scan your body, your memories for those things that used to make you feel suneasy, terrified, anything that has kept you from doing certain things you’ve wanted to do.

List those fears that are your fears no more.

I see those as stepping stones. Some even feel like mountain ranges, volcanoes, and even heavenly bodies crashing into earth.

No matter how big or small we perceive them to be, how life-changing they may have been, they have taken us this far in our journey. They are our warrior trophies.

It’s not only a good way of reflecting how much we have grown but also a good way of reframing our perspective towards fear itself. By having this new outlook, it becomes possible to look at fear not as something to be avoided at all cost but as something to be curious about.

Fear has the key to the next level of our journey. It leads us to the door of our further expansion.

Some of the fears I have overcame were:

Fear of saying “No”. Fear of saying I don’t want this certain (insert situation, relationship, habit, way of living, etc.) anymore. Knowing well the consequences and still stepping on the brakes. Against all odds, choosing my own well-being and integrity.

Confronting the truth of another person. Facing the fact that the person I loved, admired, trusted, good friends with may actually be unhealthy for me. Accepting their humanity and letting my ideations of them go.

Taking chances (fear of rejection and heartache). Going for some of my biggest dreams. Embracing the possibility that I can manifest the career that I wanted. Making the first move to make a loving partnership happen. Going for the things that I deeply wanted with the risk of getting rejected and beaten. Going for them, anyway.

Putting my art (and inevitably, myself) out there (again, fear of rejection and embarrasment). Believing that me and my art have a place in this world, that we are meant to be seen. That somewhere out there, there are those who will be entertained and/or inspired by what we are aching to offer.

Being alone (and not “making it”). Yes, even the most introverted person like me can still have fears of being alone. I love solitude so much and I need it like a fish needs to be in the water. Despite the fact, I used to have this existential fear – that I’m sure most of us can resonate with – of uncertainty whether I can really be autonomous over my life. You know what I did? I embraced that fear. I ended codependent relationships, stopped chasing things that were obviously running away from me, I traveled solo, I built my path with my bare hands and feet – tried and failed, tried and failed – and then tried and succeeded.

This approach has helped me a lot! It’s handy especially during those times when I feel like a total loser, like I’m not really going anywhere and I’m just running in place. Fear has a powerful way of holding us hostage in our own life, in our own mind. But by flipping the switch of our perspective, we can turn fear from being our worst foe into our greatest ally.

May your fears lead you the way to your own alignment.

Togetherness is only possible through Solitude

Healing, Life path, The Self

vinesAt some point we must confront the reality of our solitude; because it’s only through the fullness of experiencing our temporal solitary existence that genuine togetherness is made possible.

It can easily slip off our attention since it’s our default reality, like a fish in the water, but it’s in fact, one of the core facets (if not the major one) of being incarnated in a physical form – to be separated and alone.

Isn’t the journey about experiencing oneself, learning, expanding and finding our way back home?
Wiser, deeper – to wholeness, to unity.

 

A Leap in Perspective

Authenticity, Career, Creative Living, Healing, Life path, Life's Work, People & Relationships, The Self

needleplantI used to think that the only way I could fully live a spiritual life and be in an ecosystem of inspiring one another was by somehow working in the healing/intuitive arts. Lately though, probably as part of my spiritual progression, I’ve learned that –

1. If that is true, then that is very limiting. Not everyone is in or even comes close to the vicinity of healing/intuitive arts. How can we reach those/everybody if we just stay there? I don’t think the Universe is designed to be that way. If anything, we should spread out, expand ourselves, immerse ourselves in unfamiliar situations, engage with people who are different from us in some ways. In the process, learn, grow, be more integrated.

2. We are, by default, living spiritual lives because we are spiritual/energetic beings having a physical experience. We CANNOT NOT be spiritual.

3. Where else is best to live this so called full spiritual life other than where we already are doing what we already do?

Now I think that the goal is actually not to be a healer/a guide/a mentor/or just a spiritual person by profession or by being validated by a particular organization or institution, but to be all these things and so much more simply by choosing to embrace our truest self, our essence – which is love and light – and to show up in the world everyday embodying these where we are and with whoever we interact with.

We have all been touched by “common” people in profound ways;

be it a hairstylist who has shown us great love and compassion when we’re heartbroken, a stranger in the bus who radiated joy and kindness when we felt hopeless towards life, a family member who offered us advice we needed at that time, a colleague who we never thought of as a friend but who suddenly got our back during one of our personal storms, a deceased artist whose works have inspired us to take risks and go for our dreams.

To others, we have played these roles, too, without us knowing about it. We’ll never fully know the mark we leave on each other.

We gotta check in with ourselves. If our inquiry and path naturally leads us to the healing/intuitive arts then great and that will surely benefit all of us. If not, we must have the faith that probably where we are right now is where we can best grow and be of service to others.

Forgive

Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

blueflowerForgiveness is inevitable if one longs to be free and fully at peace.

We may be blinded at times, mistaking our anger for self-love or self-righteousness, when in reality, it’s our last ditch effort to hold on to the past, to cling so desperately to what’s no longer serving us out of fear of the unknown.

Sometimes our inability to forgive merely signifies our reluctance to say goodbye.

We’re the only ones who can hold ourselves in prison. We have the key.

This process is internal. We need not even do anything interactive. No need to talk to the other person, not even to write a farewell note. This process may climax to a particular event – but this remains mostly in solitude. Forgiveness happens on a spiritual plane. It’s simply a release – of everything we’ve been holding on to that’s no longer serving us; our pain, our grudges, our disappointments, false hopes, regrets and all else in between and beyond.

It’s unpacking our heavy load so we can proceed with our journey with more energy.

If we wanna move forward, if we want to live our life to the fullest…we must forgive.

Loving the Skin I’m In

Authenticity, Faith, Healing, The Self

do it

undressIt’s probably a natural byproduct of my recent spiritual spurt, this desire to be out in the sun.

I suddenly found myself looking forward to sunny days, so I can lie down in our balcony, bask myself under the sky and soak the sun’s healing energy. It’s become part of my routine. Whenever I can, I would take Munchkin out for a walk as well, sniffing on plants and getting all messy in the mud.

I’ve learned to like my tan, too. In fact, I feel more like myself now that I am brown AF.

I’ve always been on the dark side of the spectrum. However, I didn’t always like getting darker because, just like the majority of Filipinos, I, too, believed that darker skin tones were less attractive. There were even times when I would consume all kinds of skin-whitening products from soap, to toner, to lotion, to glutathione pills and injections. I was also reluctant to participate in outdoor activities to “preserve” whatever fairness I had.

This 180 degree change in my attitude was liberating. Now, I could fully embrace both – my joy to be out in nature and my natural complexion.

I did my research before immersing myself in this new routine of sunbathing, because like many others, I, too have been indoctrinated to believe that sun caused more damage than good. I was surprised to read many articles disproving these kinds of claims, and more surprised to know that there’s no single actual research that directly links sun exposure to melanomas. What we have been made to believe in was merely a sweeping generalization which has actually caused more harm than good. We have been sold all these sun screens and skin products which can supposedly protect us from the sun, despite the fact that they contain harmful, carcinogenic chemicals. This has also resulted to a deficiency in Vitamin D in certain groups of people, particularly those with lighter skin, which has been causing a plethora of illnesses beyond cancer.

It’s interesting to note what the people around me say about my new tanned skin. I’ve been getting a lot of compliments, ironically, even from people who put fair skin tones on a pedestal. Some were baffled. They couldn’t seem to understand why someone would want to be darker, so they kept quiet and kind of stared at me from a distance. Some, I felt, flatly rejected it. The rest simply gave me advice as to how I should sunbathe even though they didn’t sunbathe themselves. They spewed their internalized misconceptions at me about the supposedly harms of the sun, even though they couldn’t back up these claims.

Anyway, it’s been great! I’ve become an official Sun Child again.

The Sun doesn’t only provide me with body food, but also with soul food.

It’s helping me become more and more of who I really am. I’m lucky because it’s abundant where I live and it’s for free! So yay! 😀

 

You Can Love from a Distance

Faith, Healing, People & Relationships, The Self

key

pinkie

I’ve been on the fence regarding a particular relationship lately. This person has betrayed me, the people I love and continues to live a life of lies. It’s not easy for me to let go because he’s family. I’ve forgiven him though, and I’m at the point where I don’t know whether to cut ties or to make an effort to start anew. Neither seems to resonate with my spirit. I feel the capacity to love him unconditionally despite everything; however, this love comes from a higher place and I’m still grounded in this physical, earthly existence. I still have my earthly concerns; I’m still bounded by earthly laws.

I got my answer last night, as usual, as a mix of clairvoyant and clairaudient message. This is how I’d translated it:

Come up to your higher self and love him unconditionally, at the same time keep yourself grounded. Don’t avert your eyes from the truth.

Imagine yourself as a tree. As a tree, you don’t need to go after him to express your love. You may simply stay where you are, grounded in your spot. Let your love radiate. Let it bleed through your roots, into the earth and towards all life forms. Let it seep through your branches, up to your leaves and into the atmosphere.

Trust in nature’s ability to synthesize your love into various forms. She always does this.

You can love like this. This is still love. A certain distance will keep yourself protected. Your well-being matters, too. It matters the most.

Everywhere is love. All is made of love, anyway. Trust that life will take care of him even if it’s not, no longer through you.

A Love Note to the Wounded

Healing, Life path, People & Relationships, Personal Stories, The Self

purple

When you’re hurting, don’t cave inside yourself. Keep your heart open. Let love and light fill you in.

You’ll heal only in your vulnerability.

Let the Universe plant a seed where there’s a hole or a sore spot. Let that seed grow with you in light and love. Let it guide you towards the direction of your expansion and your highest joy. Let the plant, the tree keep you grounded.

Let it transform you. Let it reveal your inherent strength and beauty.

Integrate the pain and transmute it. Rise up.