You may be confused at the moment. You may be in a foggy part of your path. You may be feeling lonely, probably you’re running out of faith in your tank, too. While I won’t pretend to know how exactly you must be feeling and what exactly you’re going through, ’cause I acknowledge the realness that each of our journey is unique, I want to extend my empathy and best wishes to you as a kindred spirit.
Many people have accused me of not knowing what I really wanted with regards to my career and life path. Many people have withheld trust from me because of this perception. Many people belittled me. It went on for so long to the point that I started believing them.
But in the middle of my recent retreat, when the fog started to dissipate and I could have some clarity again, a knowing just sprouted out, like a tiny mouse that has been hiding simply to protect herself from the momentary chaos around her. I knew then with full certainty that it was not true that I didn’t know what I wanted. It was not true that I was intrinsically confused. And in fact, it was not true that those people who have accused me of not knowing what I wanted really believed in that –
They knew very well that I knew what I wanted but that it was simply not what I was pursuing.
Of course, they didn’t have any idea what it was that I wanted, but they’re pretty sure that it was not what they were offering me. They didn’t know why I was not pursuing what I wanted but surely, they’ve got all the reasons to not wanna work with me. My mind was somewhere else. That’s why they rejected me.
My issue was not the not-knowing but the suppressing of my own desires in the first place because I thought they’re too big, too impossible, too far for me to reach. So I put my focus on other things, I reached for the low-hanging fruits instead.
I was playing small. I didn’t even dare speak nor write about my desires. I simply let them float like clouds above my head as I walk through life half-awake.
There was no blueprint that I could use, no map to lead my way, no one I personally knew I could ask for guidance – these were the reasons why I refused to pursue my own path, refused to even own it to begin with.
You might be on the same boat and these might be some of your reasons, too. Yes, we may have forgotten what it was we were truthfully passionate about after pursuing something we have merely settled for, but I dare you to look inside yourself and realize that you know you are not confused. In fact, you very well know what’s gonna make you happy and what’s gonna enable you to live your life to the fullest. Maybe the answers are not what you expect from yourself, maybe they’re not what the people around you expect from you.
But this is the truth we all have to confront – that we won’t ever be able to pivot in the right direction if we don’t own these answers. We can’t move through the path of joy and fulfillment if we judge our own desires to begin with, if we feel unworthy of them, if we think they’re ridiculous or impossible.
We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for validation. We need to avoid comparing our dreams with those around us, or even with the people we look up to.
Each of us has a unique path of becoming. It is both our right and responsibility to claim it – to take it.
The path will unfold and our steps will be lighted once we say yes to it. All the other possible paths collapse through the power of our focus. It will be a path of uncertainty, exactly because it’s a new path – it’s ours alone. There will be ups and downs and bumps along the way like any trail of adventure, but each stone, each broken branch, each puddle of mud will only take us closer to where we wanna be. Even though we’re not there yet and it may take a while we can always rest in the knowing that we are not lost and our efforts are worthwhile.