I remain to be that little girl with the big, nerdy glasses who dreams of having to spend the rest of her life traveling, playing dress-up games, bonding with animals, writing on her journal and creating stuff!
Many times I find myself not being able to delegate tasks when I have to, thinking that it’s easier if I just do them myself. Maybe that’s true to some extent. But maybe easier shouldn’t always be the goal, and maybe it’s only easier in a short period of time. Maybe the cost of doing it because it’s easier now will cost me more later on.
Maybe it’s costing me more now.
Maybe it’s time for me to learn how to love the chaos of the process. Maybe it matters more that we are growing. Maybe it’s less about getting it right each and every time.
You know you’re somehow expanding when you find yourself having expensive breakfast alone (at least you can buy a few mins of solitude now to break down before your usual work day kicks in), in a cafe that plays old songs (to give the illusion that this is all classy, and you’re just like the classy actresses in these old Hollywood films), laughing at yourself for not knowing what the fuck you’re doing. You’ve reached a level of maturity enough to soothe delude soothe yourself that this must mean something…these are just growing pains. These are all gonna make sense later.
You realize that the biggest joke ever is thinking you’ve figured it all out.
Until life hits you with one water ball after the other. Defenseless and soaking wet, all you can do is laugh at the mess that you are. You realize that the Universe doesn’t run out of surprises pranks especially once you’ve settled into what you think is a comfortable (albeit numbing) pace. You’re forced out of your own damn mind.
You’re forced to open up so the Universe can fill you in with new energy again.
You feel caught up because you’re trying to fucking fix it. Let it unfold.
If the cup you’re carrying spills over, let it so. Instead of getting all worked up – stiff – controlling the environment. Why should you be the one to carry all this on your shoulders? Your chest wants to explode.
If it’s too burdensome let the cup go. Let it fumble beyond your reach.
Stare at the fucking mess.
Let it seep through the cushion.
Let it stain.
Allow it to grab you by the neck and shock you all
It doesn’t matter if it’s short or long, written in whatever language you prefer.
You can have it handwritten, printed, scrapbooked if you like. You don’t need fancy covers. So what if it doesn’t hit the shelves of your favorite bookstores? No group or critic needs to fucking give their verdict – none of that is needed.
What matters is that you create your own story. Live your own way. Add a few more splash of colors into this world. Leave it a little more interesting – a little more changed.
Somewhere, somehow, in a corner of an old unlit room – your story will be a comfort and fire to someone who needs it.
Live bravely, knowing that you are also paving the way for someone else.
I didn’t usually perform better during tight deadlines. Cramming used to be counter-productive for me. However, since I recently took on more responsibilities at work, tight deadlines suddenly became my life.
In the middle of this frenzy, I realized that when we’re pressed for time, we are forced to focus on the most important things. They just go straight to the top of our mind. The clutter falls off. Suddenly, our vision is sharp.
It became easier for me to drop the insignificant, the drama, the worrying, the blaming, the waiting. It made me became more present and proactive. Day in, day out I find myself becoming more focused on gratitude and problem-solving.
Because I have so much more to do now, I also had to learn how to soothe myself better, how to not get beaten up or lose myself in the middle of the buzz. I had to learn how to swim, or else I’d sink.
I always thought that the only way to take care of myself it to keep away from situations that would overwhelm me. I didn’t realize until lately that the # 1 thing that’ll “protect” from from overwhelm is to just keep showing up every day and to deal with things deliberately one-at-a-time. What overwhelms us is not the amount or magnitude of things we have to deal with, but our attitude towards them.
I feel stronger now and more capable of dealing with whatever comes my way. Nothing, really, is too big for someone who’s taking the world on bit-by-bit. *winks
If you’re just able to keep your focus and diligently work day in, day out, you don’t even have to think about the things you can’t control – like what others think about you, how they behave and all the things that are not working out – inevitably things will fall into place. It may take longer than you expected, but eventually your desires will come and find you. Opportunities will open up, the right people will support you, abundance will follow – fulfillment and growth beyond your imagination will unfold.
When you have a generous mindset, when you’re focused on creating value and being of service to others – there’s no reason why the Universe won’t give it all back to you in a tenfold.
But what you receive in return will be secondary to you, since they’re not the main reason why you’re putting in the work. They’ll simply be a bottomless source of support to keep you going. 🙂