We get cranky when we’re stressed out. We become more needy. We have less patience. We tend to have a distorted view towards the people around us. We’re more likely to think they’re insensitive, uncaring – selfish. This can crystallize into tiny resentments that have a chance of clumping together as time passes by. This can harden our heart.
It has been pretty stressful individually for me and for my SO these past few months. Since we are geographically apart, we are required to deal with our issues mostly on our own. There are delays in communication not only because of our daily schedule but due to the time difference between us. There were times when I worried that I was not doing enough for him, that maybe he didn’t feel my love and presence. I would have those worries because there have been times when I had those thoughts, too, when I assumed he’s not being “involved enough” with what I was going through. But eventually I’ve realized that nobody else can fight our battles for us. Furthermore, the truth is, he’s always present enough with me through thick and thin.
Today, I woke up stressed, probably because I slept stressed out, too. But today I did something different. Instead of letting myself fall off that downward spiral, I took a pause and listened to myself instead.
That’s when I knew that what we need the most when we’re stressed out is Compassion. We need to be especially compassionate with ourselves and with others in the midst of stress. We don’t need to focus more on solving the issue that’s causing our stress, particularly when the situation is beyond our control. But what we can always do is to be compassionate.
What’s gonna help us and those we care about is to be validated and not judged.
What we need is for someone – and this can be ourselves – to hold a space for us when we can just be enveloped in the warmth of unconditional care.
Sometimes our strong desire to solve an issue only hurts us more, sometimes it only breeds more insecurity and despair.
Sometimes this also only keeps us away from our loved ones. When a person we care about is suffering, and we can’t stand seeing them that way, we tend to jump into conclusions and end things for them or expect them to resolve the matter immediately. This attitude might only make them feel misunderstood and judged. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to simply be there for them during the rough times and get our empathy across.
My SO is actually good at this. He’s internally strong enough to remain present with me as I go through difficulties, without having the desire to control my emotions or my behavior, or to fix the issues himself. He simply comforts me and makes sure that I go back to a lighter perspective. He assures me that things are always working out perfectly, no matter how things may look at the moment.
Personally, I think at the core of all of this is a bigger lesson the Universe wants us to imbibe – that we are graced all the time, in good times and in bad times. That there is, in fact, goodness in all kinds of situation, and we’ll always find it if we choose to – and that we’ll always feel the Divine’s unconditional love if we let it in.