Girl, you’ve lost that guilty feelin’, oh that guilty feelin’

Healing, The Self

I had another Aha moment last night, just before I went to sleep. I have realized that my life has been plagued by guilt for every little thing – guilt for not understanding and supporting my mom completely when she needed me, guilt for not being able to forgive my father completely, guilt for not being able to take my dogs out everyday, guilt for not working out, guilt for eating meat, guilt for not being ambitious enough,guilt for not making a lot of money, guilt for letting go of opportunities that others were drooling over, guilt for not creating enough art works etc.

Guilt basically nagged me at every twist and turn I made. There was nothing I did right or enough. There was always a mistake, a misstep, something missing or something too much. I never had genuine peace of mind.

I was mulling over these stuff last night when I reached the point of taking a look at the present moment, then it hit me – it’s the first time that I actually don’t feel guilty about anything.

The recent events that have been bothering me have unfolded in their own ways, emotions calmed down, things underneath floated above water, the dust settled – some pieces of information landed on my lap, realizations dawned on me like a cold waterfall. New info and self-compassion have both helped me complete the process and come into terms with my issues. I would also say having the resolve to stay true to myself enabled me to release all that no longer served me.

It’s a cliche exactly because it’s true –

Sometimes it looks like things are falling apart, but actually our lives are just falling into place.

This is how the Universe/God/Source works. Confusion and clarity are just different sides of the same thing

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A note on Authenticity

Authenticity, The Self

polarizing

If I am to move forward with my desired path, I have to make peace with a few things – specifically this:

Some people are gonna hate me for who I really am, exactly for my character and all that I stand for. I should stop being defensive and make excuses like – they’re judgmental, they don’t see the entire picture, they are superficial, they don’t know me to my core, they don’t know that we are all connected blah blah blah – because that’s exactly the point, there will always be those who will hate me because they know me to the core, or at least they are aware of the parts of me that are crucial to my character as a whole.

This is perfectly normal. On the other hand, some people will love me because they really see who I am to the core. Being authentic is a polarizing act – but it’s an act that will liberate us above all and will lead us to where we should be, to where we will thrive and contribute to the fullness of our capacity.

This is not a time to water down my authenticity or back off a bit – this is a time to push forward and make peace with the obstacles by being decisive at every shift.