Just yesterday while I was folding fresh clothes, I got at text message from my father – nothing extraordinary, he’s simply asking me about the recent HK trip I had with my boyfriend. For some reason this gesture has touched me in ways that I guess, were already tender in me. I started sobbing as I thought –
I have to change. I have to forgive. I have to be open.
And while I was pertaining primarily to him, it also applied to other areas and people in my life in which I have blocked myself off.
Despite everything that has happened in the family, and between him and I as a parent and child, he never ceased to be consistent in reaching out to me, asking me about my life and how I am. Probably some people would take this for granted since that’s what fathers do, anyway. I don’t. He remained humble, brave enough to face us with all his mistakes and stay with us determined to remain the responsible father we’ve always known. He remained loving in his own ways. On the other hand, there were times when I blocked him off and judged him just like that. He never behaved that way towards me.
He was understanding, grounded, loving when I wasn’t. For these reasons alone he deserves to be a father – and I want to remain his daughter.
Now I understand what spiritual teachings say about the importance of forgiveness in manifesting our desires. When we haven’t forgiven someone, including ourselves, the flow of abundance in our lives is blocked. We don’t trust the opportunities and genuine people around us. We become reserved, hiding inside ourselves, protecting ourselves from getting hurt again.
For years I have known that I had to forgive my father, that my anger wasn’t serving me anymore – but only from a theoretical perspective. I’ve resolved to forgive and even planned my way through it. Well, it didn’t work that way for me. Now that the realization came from my soul – I feel as though I don’t even have to strategize how I am gonna do it.
The mere realization that I needed to forgive was the act of forgiving in itself.
Incredible how life works.
Most of us are chasing after things that we suppose matter more – but the gem of living is really found in these personal, spiritual breakthroughs and milestones.