Most of the time the pivotal moments in our life happen in solitude.
Just yesterday while I was folding fresh clothes, I got some new text messages from my father – nothing extraordinary, he’s simply asking me about the recent HK trip with my boyfriend. For some reason this gesture has touched me in ways that I guess, were already tender in me. I started sobbing as I thought –
I have to change. I have to forgive. I have to be open.
And while I was pertaining primarily to him, it also applied to other areas and people in my life where I have blocked myself off.
Despite everything that has happened in the family, and between him and I as a parent and child, he never ceased to be consistent in reaching out to me, asking me about my life and how I am. Probably some people would take this for granted since that’s what fathers do, anyway. Well I don’t. He remained humble, brave enough to face us with all his mistakes and stay with us determined to remain the responsible father we’ve always known. He remained loving in his own ways. Some men would have run away and would just live their second lives until they die. On the other hand, there have been times when I blocked him off and judged him just like that. He never behaved that way towards me. He was understanding, grounded, loving when I wasn’t. For these reasons alone he clearly deserves to be a father – and I want to remain his daughter.
Now I understand what spiritual teachings say about the importance of forgiveness in manifesting your desires. When you haven’t forgiven something, including yourself, the flow of abundance in your life is blocked. You don’t trust the opportunities and genuine people around you. You’re reserved, hiding inside yourself ’cause you’re scared to get hurt again.
Anger has its own purpose – just like anything that we hold on to. But its benefits only lasts for a while. We must let it go when the time comes that it has served its purpose in our life. Not doing this will give rise to blockages and feelings of getting stuck.
Funny how true cliches are. I always read about spiritual teachings but I’ve proven myself again and again that only life experiences can teach us what they mean – and we’ll feel it to our core.
For years I have known that I had to forgive my father, that my anger wasn’t serving me anymore – but only from a theoretical perspective. I’ve resolved to forgive and even planned my way through it. Well, it never worked that way. Now that the realization came from my soul – I feel as though I don’t even have to strategize how I am gonna do it.
The mere realization that I needed to forgive was the act of forgiving in itself.
Incredible how life works.
Most of us are chasing after things that we suppose matter more – but the gem of living is really found in these personal, spiritual breakthroughs and milestones.