People · Relationships · Self · Work

Authenticity and Happiness

The truth of the matter is –

You will never be happy in any situation if you cannot express the full authenticity of who you are.

…if the people around you are expecting you to be someone else, if what you are doing is not in alignment with what matters to you and what brings you joy, if your time is being consumed by things that don’t support you in the direction you want to go.

Like me, many of us had to learn this lesson the hard way. Even the best opportunities (on the surface) could in reality limit us from being who we really are. Therefore it becomes imperative to walk away. Believe that the Universe is abundance and that you will get what is more suitable to you once you let go of what doesn’t support your authentic spirit.

I’m still in the midst of this journey and I haven’t found my next stop yet – but each day I am learning that what I did was the right thing to do at that time and my reasons were enough. I gotta stop berating myself for my decisions. All is well.

Activities · Self

Reframing The Question

Instead of asking yourself “Am I living the life that I truly desire/ Am I living life to the fullest?” maybe a better question to ask is –

In what ways am I giving glory to Source/God through the life I’m co-creating?

The latter has less ego and is more purpose-centric. It’s not limited by the cookie-cutter measures we impose on ourselves and each other. It’s focused on something higher and bigger than us. It’s concerned with giving back and celebrating life. It’s more profound and comprehensive.

Posing this question towards myself has made me confront things that while true, have been difficult for me to accept. I’ve realized that despite society’s expectations (which became mine as well in many ways), my life is primarily about defining, re-shaping and celebrating freedom in my own ways. Well, I tried to put other things on top of it from time to time but I keep coming back to it. I can’t help it. It’s in my DNA. It’s where the pull of my gravity lies.

It’s been a roller coaster ride when I was younger – full of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, I could’ve killed myself many times. As I mature the extremes mellow down a bit but experiences and lessons are becoming more felt and profound.

I guess this is my way of giving back to Source – explore the dimensions of freedom and become a wiser and more responsible person in the process.

Knowing this gives me more reasons to be compassionate with myself and not pressure myself into pursuing things that don’t resonate with me.

Try asking yourself the same question and be enlightened by the answer/s you’ll get. 🙂

Activities · Self · Travel

Health is wealth

While descending the Lion Rock peak in Hong Kong, and in between gasps for breath I’ve realized the truth of the cliche – Health is wealth.

I’ve always taken it for granted that I’m healthy and fit. I used to think that other things would make me feel wealthier or happier. But without these I won’t be able to experience many amazing things like climbing mountain tops (which makes very happy). I’ve got no idea what other unhealthy people would give just to do what I can do.

It’s a liberating and grounding feeling. As I continued to descend I thanked my senses and body parts one by one for working perfectly and helping me make my way to the top and back down again. This realization has given me more motivation to keep up with my healthy diet and regular workout routine.

Activities · People · Relationships · Self

Finally, Release

Most of the time the pivotal moments in our life happen in solitude.

Just yesterday while I was folding fresh clothes, I got some new text messages from my father – nothing extraordinary, he’s simply asking me about the recent HK trip with my boyfriend. For some reason this gesture has touched me in ways that I guess, were already tender in me. I started sobbing as I thought –

I have to change. I have to forgive. I have to be open.

And while I was pertaining primarily to him, it also applied to other areas and people in my life where I have blocked myself off.

Despite everything that has happened in the family, and between him and I as a parent and child, he never ceased to be consistent in reaching out to me, asking me about my life and how I am. Probably some people would take this for granted since that’s what fathers do, anyway. Well I don’t. He remained humble, brave enough to face us with all his mistakes and stay with us determined to remain the responsible father we’ve always known. He remained loving in his own ways. Some men would have run away and would just live their second lives until they die. On the other hand, there have been times when I blocked him off and judged him just like that. He never behaved that way towards me. He was understanding, grounded, loving when I wasn’t. For these reasons alone he clearly deserves to be a father – and I want to remain his daughter.

Now I understand what spiritual teachings say about the importance of forgiveness in manifesting your desires. When you haven’t forgiven something, including yourself, the flow of abundance in your life is blocked. You don’t trust the opportunities and genuine people around you. You’re reserved, hiding inside yourself ’cause you’re scared to get hurt again.

Anger has its own purpose – just like anything that we hold on to. But its benefits only lasts for a while. We must let it go when the time comes that it has served its purpose in our life. Not doing this will give rise to blockages and feelings of getting stuck.

Funny how true cliches are. I always read about spiritual teachings but I’ve proven myself again and again that only life experiences can teach us what they mean – and we’ll feel it to our core.

For years I have known that I had to forgive my father, that my anger wasn’t serving me anymore – but only from a theoretical perspective. I’ve resolved to forgive and even planned my way through it. Well, it never worked that way. Now that the realization came from my soul – I feel as though I don’t even have to strategize how I am gonna do it.

The mere realization that I needed to forgive was the act of forgiving in itself.

Incredible how life works.

Most of us are chasing after things that we suppose matter more – but the gem of living is really found in these personal, spiritual breakthroughs and milestones.

Activities · Self

Waking life

I woke up from a compelling dream this morning. I was in the middle of doing something very engaging and important for me in that dream. However, upon waking up I’ve realized that I was just doing something totally senseless. I didn’t wanna wake up from the dream ’cause I didn’t want to drop what I was doing. Whatever it was, it was so important to me.

Later, I’ve realized that in our waking lives we are doing and valuing many things that would probably not make any sense when we wake up from this slumber and go back to our natural spiritual selves.

Killing each other and our planet to amass money, hurting the people that matter to us to feed our egos’ bottomless pit of needs…these are just some of the things that we think are important, aren’t they? But coming from a spiritual, holistic perspective they are just ludicrous.


My kind of self-compassion

You know what? It’s actually okay to just be the messy human that you are – that we all are.

We shouldn’t give our power away to whoever or whatever we believe is wiser than us – be it our spiritual practice, our government, our fitness idols, our doctors, our partners, our family.

Each of us has already been given the capacity to live our lives the best way we can through the micro decisions we make each day. We cannot fuck it up if we only listen to our spirit or soul or conscience or intuition – it doesn’t matter much how you name it. I know you know what I mean.

It is tiring and a waste of energy to always be second-guessing ourselves; to always be asking for others to validate our thoughts and feelings.

It is perfectly normal to be clueless about our own life and feel shitty and lazy sometimes. It is okay to not wanna see humans, not take a shower or to binge eat – sometimes life or our hormones just get the better of us.

Sometimes we feel like taking hold of our life – as if it were a tote bag – turn it upside-down and scatter all the crap out of it.

This is exactly where I’m at and while the wise part of me knows that it’s an opportunity to start again, all I really think about is how shitty and pointless it is to be stuck where I am. But this time I’m just too lazy to scrutinize each clutter and overthink which I’m gonna keep and why. I’m pretty sure I’ll only end up walking away.