The Universe has been tirelessly pointing out to me that what I had to do to move forward was to forgive – LOL I didn’t even know I was so angry!
I used to be a runaway. I have developed a bad habit of running away from confrontations. I always believed that there’s no point to discuss, assert and speak up because people’s minds are closed off, anyway. I always thought going through messy times was just a waste.
I was given the chance (for the nth time!) to redeem myself and correct my unhealthy attitude and habit – and I took it. I willingly went through the tunnel of my frustrations, pain and anger towards people and myself. I squirmed, I rolled my eyes, I pushed back. I screamed in disgust and retaliation. It was horrible. I felt horrible – but only for a short while.
Despite it all, I let my higher self lead the way. I listened to my spirit guides, my angels – the all-ever-knowing Universe. I trusted them beyond my ability to trust (LOL swear) to guide me along. I stayed in the path. I sucked it up…and let it all go.
I have been proven wrong many, many times.
I didn’t even know that my lack of trust for practically almost everyone around me has been restricting my life – and my joy. I didn’t know that my anger was robbing me off with all the fun and love that wanted to get near me.
While it was not all sunshine and butterflies – many ugly truths reared its head out, too – what left an impact on me was the truth that the world was not against me – I was neither a victim nor a fucking bitch (for feeling so angry). Yeah, people fucked up and I was dragged into their mess and ego issues. People have hurt me and I felt betrayed quite a few times. Despite all of this, though, I have realized that nobody intentionally wanted to hurt me.
I am still learning how to forgive – I am not yet there. My steps are lighter, though – I feel more capable of moving forward now. Forgiveness really is key because anger causes our perspective to cloud. When we can’t see things as clear as possible we inevitably misinterpret every single thing – and this leads us to the path that is not right for us.
Forgiving is not about forcing ourselves to accept what happened – it’s about learning how to release it.
This is a skill and it takes time to learn (read: I’m still learning how to take the middle ground and neither fall into passive-aggressive silence nor half people with an ax) – but once we’ve mastered it, we would be able to magnify how we live our lives multiple times over. I used to to avoid the path of forgiveness and reroute to another, thinking I could get away without it – this time, I’m glad I didn’t.