Three things I’m grateful for:
1.My asthma. Blasphemous as it may sound, but the return of my asthma 3 years ago has contributed a lot to my choices to pivot my life in life-affirming directions. My asthma has served as my compass in making healthy choices for myself. I’m just recovering from a severe asthma attack which started more than a week ago (which is not over as I’m writing this). At first I was annoyed by it, but now I’m grateful for it because without I won’t be forced to stay still, look at myself and look at my life and make the commitment on changing what needs to be changed. I’m so grateful that my body never lies to me and never betrays me. My body has no ego. All it cares about is my well being.
2.My family – that includes my partner, my biological family and my dogs – who has always replenished my soul when it’s depleted of energy, and who has always been so transparent and open in needing and wanting my presence and light. The way I see family now has transformed so much. I am grateful to have them as my anchor as I go through the turbulence of my journey.
3. My army of guides who never, ever get tired of me, who never give up on me and who are always rooting for me. During my most vulnerable times, they are who I reach out for. When I am in doubt, in guilt, in shame – they’re the ones I speak my mind and heart to. They never judge me, they only always help me get the enlightenment that I need. They help me find my truth when I’m having a hard time doing it on my own. They cheer me up, they take care of me and they also take care of my affairs for me when I can’t.
Three things I’m excited about:
1.The changes I’m gonna apply to my life. I’ve already started actually. I am excited of all the things I am gonna start doing to transform my relationships, mostly. I am excited to start being open to life again, after being bruised and disillusioned. I’m ready and willing to embrace all of it again.
2.Finding and starting a new curiosity. I am the kind of person who keeps on tryin’ out new things that interests me. I don’t know which among my curiosities I’m gonna follow through next but I’m excited, still. I’m ready for something new and exciting to me. I’m ready to learn something new again.
3. I’m excited to transform myself. I’ve had major self-transformations within the 30 years of my life so far. Hmm I think this will my 6th. I’m all ready for Superdaenamite version 6.0!
Three things that’s missing in my life/myself that I’d like to have more of/become:
1. I want more action. I want to participate more. I wanna move my body, basically. There’s an aching my to work out or dance.
2. I want more transparency in my life. I want to bring out the fullness of my natural candidness. This will add a new level of depth to all my relationships.
3.I want more feminine energy in my life. I want to stop being scared of being feminine. I’m already feminine of course, but I feel like a fraud many times. I feel like I don’t wanna get myself too exposed so I don’t fully express my feminine side. I want to liberate it and embrace it. I want it to soar and create its own magic.
Three things I want to change/let go of:
1.Competition. Work has become more and more competitive lately. While I know it can produce good work and push people to be their best, I still don’t believe that it’s the only and the best source of motivation. I also have to admit that it doesn’t resonate with my truth. I am not a naturally competitive person. Even when I look back to my years and grade school and high school when the system would rank you according to who’s the best and the smartest academically. I experienced being at the top a few times. From nursery to my last year in high school, I have always been among the top performing students. But I never felt motivated by competition. I was never competitive with my classmates. I was just used to giving my best in what I chose to do and taking my studies seriously. It mattered to me. It just so happened that my efforts produced good results and good grades. It’s just not me. I am not a competitive person. I wanna let go of trying to keep up with my competitive colleagues. It’s driving me sick – literally.
2.Being unforgiving and not taking the fullness of one’s humanity. I’ve held on to my frustrations which turned into stubborn and thick resentments for so long that it also drove me sick. I gotta be wiser and more open to accept humanity with all its awesomeness and also stupidity.
3. Prioritizing what other people think about me or what I do. This is the real killer. My self-esteem sunk because of this attitude. When you do this, you’ll immediately kill your fairy spirit inside. You’re gonna take off the light on her, seal her mouth shut and suffocate her. It’s real murder to the spirit. We all need to listen to what others say only as a way to correct our course of actions. But if we do it full-time, and with regards to all the things we do, then that is a sure recipe to self-sabotaging. We usually don’t now how bad it can get – until it gets really bad and we’re in the pits.