People · Relationships

Be straightforward if you want to be taken seriously

People who have a habit of picking on your flaws and basically anything they can criticize but are short-handed when it comes to giving compliments – sounds familiar?

I would usually take these people personally (’cause almost always they are the ones who are the closest to us, too) because partly, I didn’t know how to handle them so they stop behaving that way towards me.

I tried ignoring them (like they didn’t do or say what they did and said), it didn’t work. They kept on treating me the same way.

I tried to rationalize with them, it didn’t work, too. Apparently, they only get more excited to pick on you when you respond to them in the first place (especially if you’re obviously annoyed). In a way you could say they’re demanding for attention.

Lastly, I dismissed them non-verbally, which can be verbally translated to “Leave me alone/Stop it/Go away” – and I think it worked.

These same people usually like bugging you as well for things they want you to do/expect you to do and criticize you for not doing them. I tried responding using the first two approaches, but they both didn’t work, too. What actually worked was when I directly told them “That’s not the kind of life that I want for myself.” They actually stopped bugging me about the same damn thing.

My main point here is that sometimes all we have to do is to  be direct and precise with our responses. Even if intuitively, it sounds unnecessary to be so exact (’cause hey, people are not so stupid or insensitive right so they should easily get our subtle responses), sometimes it’s the only thing that would set the boundary or shoot our message across, ’cause – sorry for bringing in the bad news – sometimes people are stupid and insensitive after all.

People · Places · Relationships · Self · Travel · Work

What my 2016 experiences have taught me

It’s not only okay to be ourselves, sometimes, it’s, in fact, necessary.

It’s what the situation calls for. Being ourselves may sometimes translate to “rocking the boat”, and we might offend or disappoint people in our circle. This certainly  can be painful to us, too and most of the time we’d do everything to avoid it.

In my case, I didn’t simply wanna avoid it. I TORMENTED MYSELF BECAUSE OF IT. I made myself feel bad for being me and for having the opinions I had which were very different from those around me. I felt bad that I felt bad and different. There was no escape at all but to go inwards and imagine a different scenario, which might eventually lead to some sensible solution, but definitely won’t solve anything at the present moment.

I remember while I was in the middle of my misery, I suddenly had this “eureka moment”. I thought popped up, saying “What if your own unique way of handling this situation is what’s being asked for? What if it’s what’s actually necessary to go through this?”

Then it reminded me of what I already knew: All our varying perspectives matter because we make up the whole picture. Each of us has got something unique and important to contribute. We’re depriving the rest of this gift by backing off and not showing up in the fullness of who we are individually.

I’m less tormented now. LOL. But I’m still not that comfy to be myself completely in all situations. Maybe that’s also a good thing, that I’m always aware and sensitive with regards to how I can perceived by others. We want to be real but we also want to be understood, after all.

It’s totally okay, and in fact, normal to fuck up when you’re learning something very new to you.

This is something I’ve learned a great deal about here at my current job. I’ve always loved and chosen to work in start-ups because there’s always something new. You’re always adapting, learning, expanding. Every day consists of new situations, new challenges, new people to work with. Especially in start-ups, you gotta move fast, too, while doing all these adjustments.

Oh and you know it. When you’re multi-tasking, learning many new things and moving fast, you know you’re gonna fuck up, too, A LOT – in the beginning. And you would usually fuck up in front of your colleagues. It’s a show for everyone to see, though definitely the point is not to humiliate you because after all everybody has been there, too (it still happens from time to time). They have to know so they can help you out and you can problem-solve together for the benefit of all.

It was really uncomfy and THREATENING even, at times, in the beginning. I felt like my ego wanted to die a few deaths on top of each other. Making mistakes and being called out for them still sting until today, though it significantly lessened. What I’ve taken away from those is that I learned so much faster, too, because of my mistakes. I still make mistakes of course, but at least, I am making different kinds now – and better ones, too! – as time goes by.

Furthermore, people don’t really remember when you fucked up (especially if it happened too many times HAHA). What linger on is your attitude afterwards and how fast you learn and how far you’ve come in terms of your development.

I have a little thing to add though, don’t just listen when someone calls you out for your mistake, make sure you really understand his/her point. If you don’t think someone is being sensible (or if you’re simply confused about his/her point), you have all the right to speak out professionally and explain yourself – and you gotta do it. You don’t want people stepping on you, too, like a mat and you don’t wanna leave the impression that you’re just taking orders and that you don’t have a critical mind. Smart people don’t wanna work with doormats, too, you know. They don’t admire people who always say yes to them, they prefer to be around people who say yes to things they really agree with.

You’ll know you’re at the right place, in the right direction with the right people if you get all the support and recognition that you need and deserved.

Both in personal and professional aspects, I used to wonder why despite all my good intentions and hard work, I still hit the wall, I still get let-down and betrayed, even. For a time I thought that the world was just a fucked up place that whatever we do, we’ll still get smacked down over and over again.

I kept on and did my best to float despite the harsh waves and strong pull below. I kept trusting my heart and made decisions with its guidance. I kept on choosing to be brave and move forward with my desires despite the obvious lack of encouragement sometimes (or when it’s apparent that the odds were against me).

Somehow, somewhere along the way, I think I hit the right spot. I hit the jackpot. It wasn’t obvious, though (and I think it usually never is). It’s not a place of rainbows and butterflies, I assure you. No to sound cliche and corny, but for me it’s more like a fertile land of infinite wealth. Why? Because you just know you’ve just reached that place where all the things that are in alignment with your highest good can manifest.

The resources are there, the possibilities are there – all you gotta do is believe, focus AND get down and dirty – in short, DO THE WORK! You’ll always gonna do the work anyway, right, the only difference is that when you’ve reached this place, you’ll really feel the results you wanna get from all your beliefs and hard work. Not only that, many times, the reality will even exceed your fantasies. Hell yeah, because you’re never on your own. The Universe collaborates with you! Therefore you’ll never run low of amazing surprises! You can have your own time to rest, too!

You’ll really feel this extra push (which sometimes even feel like physical) to the direction you wanna go. The Universe lifts and pushes and pulls for us when we are in the path that is in tuned with our higher self – therefore with all of creation.

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Given all of these, I think it’s accurate to say that I’ve scratched a bit of the surface last year and this makes me less stupid and scared now to proceed with all the possibilities ahead this year. My heart is filled with gratitude to all those who graced my path with their presence! CHEERS to your year, too!