Sometimes the only way to teach others about asserting for their own needs is to assert our own needs first. Mind you, it’s not always easy. It sucks. It can make you feel shitty.
But I guess, self-determination, since it’s also about separation, has to hurt for some time. Otherwise, it’s not real.
Forgiveness and tolerance don’t mean the same thing.
I can forgive myself or someone for a wrong doing without having to accept it. Forgiveness is only about accepting the fact that as humans, we don’t know everything and making mistakes is just a part of our nature, too. It’s letting go of the weight of feeling angry, frustrated or disappointed. It doesn’t mean, though, that we’re gonna accept and understand it once it happens again.
Forgiveness is not a permission for future wrong doings, especially, of the same ones.
We can, for instance, forgive someone for hurting us or for dragging us into their own shit. But at the same time, we can make it clear that we don’t accept it and we’re not gonna let it happen again. Understanding should be linked to forgiveness and not tolerance.
Each of us has her/his own path and expansion pace. What works for some may completely not work for others. If the above strategy still doesn’t work, I don’t know what will.