People · Relationships · Self

How to be reliable without becoming an enabler

It’s always best to stay in balance. This is where your power lies. Being overly resistant to the point of being “allergic” in helping out others is also as bad as becoming a people-pleaser in which you enable weaknesses and overstepping of boundaries.

Maybe it doesn’t come to us intuitively most of the time, but people actually accept it easily when we say “No” to them. It’s just us who are feeling hesitant about it, giving it the weight that it doesn’t naturally have to begin with.

Like other habits, no matter how healthy it is, saying “No” also takes practice. We gotta be consistent despite feeling uncomfortable in the beginning.

We also have to understand that it’s not just about simply saying “No” and not accepting something. It’s also about what we are saying “Yes” to. We have to bear in mind that when we are saying “No” to one thing, we are actually saying “Yes” to something else. We just have to figure out which things we would like to say “Yes” to. Once we’re certain about them, saying “No”  becomes a lot more fulfilling, if not easier.

We also have to learn how to highlight the positive things that come with saying “No”. We have to learn how to influence others’ perspectives so they can focus on the positive changes, too, to the gains they’ll likely have, and not get hung up on the things they’ll lose. Most of the time, all that’s needed from us is enough humility to explain our side and the willingness and sensitivity to listen to theirs, too.

Generally, I believe that other people don’t intend to overstep our boundaries. However, because we don’t say “No” or we don’t step back,  they think that we agree on how things are. We don’t read minds (yet) at this point in our evolution. We better understand our responsibility to communicate with each other in the most efficient way that we can.

It’s also not gonna hurt us, if we put ourselves in a vulnerable position, explaining our limitations and our hopes to other people. People feel good when they get a chance on providing understanding and assistance to others, too. It’s in our nature. It’s a gift we all want and need. No matter what the situation may be, we are still dealing with humans who have feelings and needs similar to us.

In a nutshell, all we gotta do is get clear with what is important to us and what we can and cannot do, and do our best to reach out and speak up.

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