People & Relationships

What true independence is

Needing some assistance from other people doesn’t make a person needy. A baby needs an adult to take care of her/him, but that doesn’t make the her/him needy. Pets need us to feed them and protect them to some extent, but it doesn’t make them needy as well. We are just in the position to help them because the situations make us so and not because they demand us to do such things for them.

That’s how we know if “neediness” has taken place. Neediness happens when someone demands (overtly or otherwise) other people to do things for her/him because she/he couldn’t have enough of what she/he needs and/or because she/he doesn’t feel capable of fulfilling her/his own needs when she/he obviously can.  It doesn’t come from a place of infinite abundance and interconnectedness. It stems from a feeling of lack and insecurity.

My youngest brother DJ is the most independent person I know of. He couldn’t stand, walk or talk. At the age of 13, he couldn’t even take a glass of water and drink by himself if he likes to. He couldn’t feed himself. He couldn’t bathe himself. He couldn’t even control his bowel movement. When he was a baby, he couldn’t even drink from his feeding bottle. He didn’t have the infant instinct of sucking to nourish himself. He was initially fed through a tube inserted into his throat going straight to his stomach. Doctors said that his life was not gonna last long. We had all the obvious signs that they were right. But he has proven the them all wrong.

He lived and continuously lives for 13 years now. He learned how to suck, drink and now he is eating like a normal kid. He learned how to crawl and sit up. He communicates with us in his own way. He has his own hobbies and daily routines. He has his own favorite foods and TV shows and films and clothes to wear and places to go to. He loves being in the water. He is a film buff. He loves to travel and has traveled to many places many adults haven’t been to. He has his own sense of humor and mischievousness. He knows how to both tease people and piss people off. He knows how to ask for what he wants. He knows when he doesn’t like someone or when someone doesn’t like him. He protests when he doesn’t want to do something.

Because of his physiological limitations, his spirit shines more. I couldn’t help but see his spirit which is free and complete, not needing anybody’s validation. DJ is always grateful but never complaining. He knows how to be present. He knows how to have fun alone.

He is very observant. He is always fascinated with how people look like and how they speak and behave. He doesn’t ask for what isn’t there. He doesn’t demand things to be other than the way they are. He has his  moods as well and that’s how you know that he’s authentic. He doesn’t live to please the people around him. He is not afraid to let his caretakers get pissed of from time to time. He doesn’t hide his truths.

He makes the people around him, strangers included, happy because he is always happy.

Although he has all the reasons to feel insecure, sad, alienated and needy, he is not a bit any of these. He doesn’t blame anybody for the kind of body and life that he has. He’s been through numerous major operations since he was a baby but he never harbored the pain and discomfort of it all.

He wakes up everyday as a new person. He doesn’t carry any kind of burden. He has this openness to life and faith that he’s always taken care of. He’s always thrilled with what he can experience everyday.

Most of us may wonder how he could become so wise. The truth is, we’re all born wise. We are all part of the eternal energy that creates and destroys universes. We just get caught up in our limited 3D life as we grow old and so we forget all the wisdom we have.

But beings like DJ make us remember the truth behind what’s on the surface of our existence. They remind us that we are eternal, that we are always taken care of, that we are part of the indestructible formless energy that is beyond what we can automatically perceive. We are both young and old, naive and wise.

Many people tell us that DJ is our lucky charm (i.e. that he would bring us abundance). That’s what they usually say when you have a person with special needs in the family. But surely he has blessed us with more than just material wealth.

The love and joy he has shared with us is immeasurable. He gave us the opportunity to love like this. As I have mentioned in my old posts, I haven’t known what unconditional love was until he came along.

He doesn’t struggle to leave any kind of legacy. By being himself he is able to shine his light around him. Because of him I’ve become more loving, more trusting and most of all, more free. I’ve learned that after all, completeness and freedom have always been and will always be inside each of us unconditionally.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s