I’ve made a huge leap this past few days and YES I wanna make sure that I put it on record!
So I’ve been making some major changes in my lifestyle lately. This means that I have been reflecting more than usual. As I observed myself more, I consequently observed others more as well. It’s a dialectical thing. You can’t just stop doing one because you’re more focused on the other. They affect each other because everything is interconnected and the world around us is but a mirror of our internal world.
This observation has made me realize how critical I have been of others which only reflected how critical I have been with myself. I have not been accepting the fullness of myself. I was just picking out parts which I liked and pushing out the ones I didn’t. It has become my habit to judge myself 24/7. Consequently, that was how I see others as well. I’ve been continuously critical of how people spoke, behaved, decided, thought, etc. While there were things I found amusing, interesting, lovely about other people, most often than not, I would find things which I strongly…detested. I wasn’t just annoyed; I was completely disturbed and stressed out about the things I disliked.
I wasn’t aware that this habit was making me unreasonably suspicious of other people which of course made me very unhappy. I haven’t always been like that. I know I used to have so much faith in other people. But I think that naive faith led me to this consequence. But anyway, the good news is, I believe I have finally come to this point in my journey where I can find the balance between two extremes.
I have learned that being purely idealistic with other people is not just naive but also unfair. We live in a world of contradictions and we are a product as well as creators of this world. Things are not black and white. Good people can do bad things and vice-versa. Smart people make stupid mistakes, too. It’s never wise to just hand out the key to your security and happiness to someone else. That’s what we’re doing when we have naive expectations of those around us.
On the other hand, swimming in a state of suspicion is just as naive as the first one. When we’re in that state, what we’re actually doing is distrusting the goodness that exists, the goodness that is within us. When we’re so focused on all the things that are not going right, we can miss out on the ones that are. We are robbing ourselves of all the amazing manifestations surrounding us. We are robbing ourselves of our own power to manifest.
Mao Tes Tung was right when we said “Let a hundred flowers bloom.”, while he may be referring to a different context, it meant basically the same thing.
Let’s find that place of allowing within ourselves. Let us welcome all the contrasting elements inside and outside us. Let us look at the things that we don’t like instead of dismissing them and pushing them out of the backdoor.
Let’s be happy that we keep on manifesting things out of our varying desires. While we may not always like what is manifested, we have to remember that it always help us and the universe expand. While for sure we create tons of waste that are toxic for us and our planet, we also come up with brilliant ideas that would have never existed without the developments we’re having.
Now when I observe other people, I no longer feel that urge to criticize them in my own mind. Instead, I have replaced that with a feeling of gentle curiosity. Instead of labeling things with “I like this one” and “I hate that one”, I look at everything more closely and suspend my own judgment. It doesn’t mean that I forgo of what I mean by right and wrong. It only means that I have become more aware of my own perspective and the fact that innumerable kinds of perspectives exist around me at the same time. I am now fine with the fact that while many things won’t make sense to me, they are reasonable for others and it’s something I am not in the position to judge.
We can still act based on our own perspective, and as a society we have to so we can coexist in harmony. But I think it’s gonna teach us how to be more compassionate and fair if we always keep in mind that there is not just one or a few perspectives that exist. All kinds of perspectives are equally valid, and they all matter.
This huge shift in my perspective has made me lift the weight on myself as well. I don’t stress about little things that much anymore (it used to be one of my self-negating habits). I have learned that judging myself has resulted to judging others and none of these is making me any happier or more peaceful. It just made me ungrateful and miserable.
I used to feel upset when other people didn’t behave in the way I wanted them to. But now I just feel grateful that they exist because they’re presence is important. They’re contributing to the expansion of our universe and to my own expansion as well. We don’t grow just by surrounding ourselves with the things that we like, but also by allowing things that we don’t like to come to our life experience. This teaches us how to master ourselves and create the kind of world that is best for our spirit.