Activities · People · Relationships · Women

My Mom has a Heart that sings.

I like this metaphor of a heart that sings. I haven’t always known its meaning. Perhaps, it has a totally different meaning to others. I came up with my own understanding of it because of my mom.

My mom has a heart that sings. No one would imagine the heartaches and struggles she’s been through because she’s just always so loving and happy. People flock towards her. She has this warm and abundant energy like a real empress.

While other people become bitter and evil once they go through hardships and betrayals, my mother belongs to the other group – those who only become more compassionate and humble because of them.

The heartaches she’s been through have only taught her about her own worth and the importance of loving herself. These experiences were a catalyst to her own realizations as well of what truly mattered to  her.

My mom has taught me the importance of being present in the Now. She has taught me how to choose to appreciate every chance that we are given to live again. She knows that these chances are opportunities for us to love, be loved and have fun. We can either choose to get stuck in the bitterness of what was or embrace the chance to start again.

This is why she has a heart that sings. She lives in the Now. When we are present in each and every moment, it just becomes inevitable for the bitterness of the past to fade away. When things have been resolved and we have finally reached the calm shore, the Universe only asks us of one thing – to open our hearts for a new beginning.

Activities · Self · Work

Why we need to Ask

During my Tarot reading/meditation this morning, I asked my cards about the next “manifestation project” that I’ve been nurturing into fruition lately. I was given the Emperor card. This is what he told me:

I couldn’t give you want you want because I don’t know what you want. You see, there are many things I could give you. I have unlimited resources. I could pick out anything and give it to you but there’s no certainty that it would make you happy. I don’t wanna waste both of our time. So go figure it out on your own first then come back to me when you have the answer.

I left and searched for the answer on my own like what he said. Not long after, I came back to him with full clarity of what I wanted. I described everything to him in as detailed and as emotional as I can. Once I was done, he replied:

Okay, that’s clear. That’s what I needed from you. I needed you to tell me exactly what it was that you wanted because your clarity, focus and decision are the forces that would crystallize the manifestation. I don’t want you to struggle. Of course we want to take the process that would lead us to what we want the fastest, easiest and most fun way possible. Just look at your past experiences and you would know it’s true. That’s the way of the Universe. Given your desires and your situation, I would come up with something that is tailor-fit to to you. Maybe there is something better than what you are asking from me. I believe there is.  In the meantime, you can go now and leave me here working. I’m gonna gather all the relevant ingredients and come up with a perfect mix, a perfect equation. You don’t have to do anything now. You can go back to your life and play and have fun. Don’t stress about it. I would text you or call you or ask you to come here when I want you to do something. But for now I’m in charge of this. You did your part, which was to get clear with what you want and directly ask for it. You’re done. It’s all in my hands now. I’m in charge. Now, go ahead and get out of  here.

That’s exactly what I’m doing now. I’m not stressing about it especially during moments when the topic is suddenly brought up and I feel a rush of defensiveness, which is an obvious sign of insecurity. Whenever I feel it, I just replay the conversation I had with the Emperor, with a subtle grin on my chin and a knowing that I am taken care of. I’ll get what I’ve asked for and so much more.



What true independence is

Needing some assistance from other people doesn’t make a person needy. A baby needs an adult to take care of her/him, but that doesn’t make the her/him needy. Pets need us to feed them and protect them to some extent, but it doesn’t make them needy as well. We are just in the position to help them because the situations make us so and not because they demand us to do such things for them.

That’s how we know if “neediness” has taken place. Neediness happens when someone demands (overtly or otherwise) other people to do things for her/him because she/he couldn’t have enough of what she/he needs and/or because she/he doesn’t feel capable of fulfilling her/his own needs when she/he obviously can.  It doesn’t come from a place of infinite abundance and interconnectedness. It stems from a feeling of lack and insecurity.

My youngest brother DJ is the most independent person I know of. He couldn’t stand, walk or talk. At the age of 13, he couldn’t even take a glass of water and drink by himself if he likes to. He couldn’t feed himself. He couldn’t bathe himself. He couldn’t even control his bowel movement. When he was a baby, he couldn’t even drink from his feeding bottle. He didn’t have the infant instinct of sucking to nourish himself. He was initially fed through a tube inserted into his throat going straight to his stomach. Doctors said that his life was not gonna last long. We had all the obvious signs that they were right. But he has proven the them all wrong.

He lived and continuously lives for 13 years now. He learned how to suck, drink and now he is eating like a normal kid. He learned how to crawl and sit up. He communicates with us in his own way. He has his own hobbies and daily routines. He has his own favorite foods and TV shows and films and clothes to wear and places to go to. He loves being in the water. He is a film buff. He loves to travel and has traveled to many places many adults haven’t been to. He has his own sense of humor and mischievousness. He knows how to both tease people and piss people off. He knows how to ask for what he wants. He knows when he doesn’t like someone or when someone doesn’t like him. He protests when he doesn’t want to do something.

Because of his physiological limitations, his spirit shines more. I couldn’t help but see his spirit which is free and complete, not needing anybody’s validation. DJ is always grateful but never complaining. He knows how to be present. He knows how to have fun alone.

He is very observant. He is always fascinated with how people look like and how they speak and behave. He doesn’t ask for what isn’t there. He doesn’t demand things to be other than the way they are. He has his  moods as well and that’s how you know that he’s authentic. He doesn’t live to please the people around him. He is not afraid to let his caretakers get pissed of from time to time. He doesn’t hide his truths.

He makes the people around him, strangers included, happy because he is always happy.

Although he has all the reasons to feel insecure, sad, alienated and needy, he is not a bit any of these. He doesn’t blame anybody for the kind of body and life that he has. He’s been through numerous major operations since he was a baby but he never harbored the pain and discomfort of it all.

He wakes up everyday as a new person. He doesn’t carry any kind of burden. He has this openness to life and faith that he’s always taken care of. He’s always thrilled with what he can experience everyday.

Most of us may wonder how he could become so wise. The truth is, we’re all born wise. We are all part of the eternal energy that creates and destroys universes. We just get caught up in our limited 3D life as we grow old and so we forget all the wisdom we have.

But beings like DJ make us remember the truth behind what’s on the surface of our existence. They remind us that we are eternal, that we are always taken care of, that we are part of the indestructible formless energy that is beyond what we can automatically perceive. We are both young and old, naive and wise.

Many people tell us that DJ is our lucky charm (i.e. that he would bring us abundance). That’s what they usually say when you have a person with special needs in the family. But surely he has blessed us with more than just material wealth.

The love and joy he has shared with us is immeasurable. He gave us the opportunity to love like this. As I have mentioned in my old posts, I haven’t known what unconditional love was until he came along.

He doesn’t struggle to leave any kind of legacy. By being himself he is able to shine his light around him. Because of him I’ve become more loving, more trusting and most of all, more free. I’ve learned that after all, completeness and freedom have always been and will always be inside each of us unconditionally.


Activities · Self

Why all things external to us matter

This is my reflection and response to my own post: Why nothing external ever really matters. I wrote that six months ago and I believed every single word I said. I didn’t know I’d have a change of perspective. This is what this post is about.


Just the other day, while I was listening to a recording of Abraham Hicks, she said that the manifested was more leading edge than the vibration version of what we want. Likewise, it’s in the interest of the universe that our wishes are manifested because it’s a contribution to its expansion. In line with that, I’ve learned in my chakra balancing meditations lately that in order to know if our chakras were blocked or open, we must only examine what was actually happening in our lives. We must pay attention to the people around us, the patterns in our experiences, our habits, the kinds of things that cause stress or give us happiness, etc. We know more about what’s going on inside us by paying attention to what’s going on outside us and vice-versa.

This leaves me without a doubt that the physical, manifested world is vastly, undeniably important because it is both the compass and the result of lessons we are learning.

Our surroundings tell us where we are in the development of our consciousness. What we produce is the direct result of what we are capable of. It’s an indicator of our level of understanding and expansion.

The only difference between a vibration and manifested thought is that the latter becomes actual for everybody to perceive. It’s undeniably there. Other beings can validate its existence. There is no better way to determine our level of consciousness than by interacting and scrutinizing the 3D world we live in. This is our best bet. It’s not bad or wrong to get stuck in our 3D consciousness, because as counterintuitive as it may be, this is our best route to enlightenment. It’s difficult not to transcend to a higher, otherworldly place when you’re so immersed to the physical, nitty-gritty of this 3D existence. That’s why in all generations, a new kind of religion or spiritual practice is born. God/The Source Energy is everywhere and it’s also inside all of us. Our physical experience drives us to make this connection with the eternal.

It’s important to take care of our planet because this is the manifested reality of our world. It is sacred. Every thing has a spirit. How we relate each other, to other species and overall our living, breathing planet will determine our destiny in the spiritual, non-physical version of reality. This is where our salvation lies.

I disagree with my older post completely. The non-physical world is not a separate world. It’s here where we are, 3D and spiritual beings. What we do matter. All the things we create matter. Our actions have lasting impact. We are continuously shaping our future here at what we call the present moment, the Now. Spirituality is not on the extreme end of the spectrum opposing Revolutions. I know many spiritual gurus, as they call them, openly express their opinion and belief that using spirituality to change society can only be done through the power of prayers, meditations, and other energy healing practices. Many would even tell us that they are outright against any kind of violence in the name of societal change (i.e. revolutions). They’re of course entitled to their opinions.

But my opinion is that spirituality is in everything we do, in all approaches that we come up with in the hopes of manifesting whatever it is that we want. There is much spirituality in revolutions. Revolutions, are in fact, driven by collective awareness. It’s driven by spirits coming together; dreaming, visualizing and working on to physically manifest the kind of society they want to live in. Revolutions are acts of manifestation on a larger and more powerful scale.

Our physical, 3D concerns matter. The Universe neither wants us to dismiss them nor to escape them. We are in this world to feel, to experience and to tap into our eternal power and expand it. We are here to be really physical because we need to expand what we know about being and manifestation. Expanded consciousness, spirituality, or however you may wanna call it is not high above the clouds, not in some distant star or invisible plane with weird creatures and universal laws; it’s in fact, in the most crooked places on Earth, in the nitty-gritty, in the most chaotic — it’s in our faces, it’s stuck on our noses, it’s what our dreams and nightmares are made of. It’s in the mundane, in the outdated, in the terrific.

It’s not about what’s not there, but what is in fact, everywhere.

Activities · Self

A quick chat with my Higher Self


Why do I feel the strong urge to work on my consciousness at this point instead of focusing on doing more practical things like producing stuff? Why do I feel the need to prioritize stillness and meditation now?

My Higher Self:

You need to know yourself more now because you’re in the path of a new beginning.This isn’t something that is being handed to you by an external force.  You have been working on this slowly in the past years. Now it’s happening. You are approaching it. Just like any new beginning, this one is practically a sea of possibilities. I know you’re scared, too. But there’s really no need to be scared. If you are grounded, if you have mapped out the pockets of your consciousness, you won’t feel scared anymore. If you know your tendencies, your impulses, as well as your saving grace, your redeeming qualities, what’s sweet about you, what’s lovely, what’s strong…you will have the advantage of acting and deciding from your place of knowing and power.

Nothing and no one can intimidate you and set you off track, messed up, mixed with a pile of clutter. Isn’t that a very reassuring place to be?

Look at this few remaining weeks as finishing touches. You are practically 99.8% ready. But there is still the .2% that you need to work on. Look at this as that remaining percent.

Never ever feel guilty when you’re focusing on yourself and doing things for yourself. Taking care of yourself is never less important than taking care of others. If you feel that doing things for others has more weight than doing things for yourself, you’re also saying that other people are more important than you. We are all created equal. We are all equally important. When you’re working on yourself you are doing everybody a favor. You are contributing. You are making a huge, positive difference.

And if you’re asking why you feel the need to work on your consciousness at this point – well the truth is we all feel the same way at different points in time. We continuously do. It’s what we should be doing. It’s the point of all this incarnation. We just feel more compelled doing it in specific moments of our lives and in different approaches, too. But there really is no right or wrong timing. We don’t have to defend our reasons for the timing we choose for our own expansion.

Activities · Self · Women

Get your PINK on!

I am taking my GIRL SELF back! In her rests my spirit and joy! I’m taking Nicki Minaj’s advice to Rosie, I’m not gonna let anybody stop me from liking PINK and everything that is associated with being a girly girl! I am a woman and I will be forever a girl. Girls are spirited, smart and kind! Girls are magic! Always in the becoming; always what’s is and what could be. I won’t let anybody disrespect girls and all things feminine.



Activities · Relationships · Self

Accepting Acceptance in Your Life

The title is as uncomfortable as my own feeling towards acceptance…easy acceptance in particular.

I used to be a worry-wart. I stressed about the littlest of things. I held on to the past like my entire sense of self depended on it (and that’s how our ego wants us to believe, actually). I had a huge difficulty forgiving myself and those who have hurt me or have been unfair with me. As you could imagine, it was hell.

I would go on asking for reasons about why things were the way they were and why people did what they did or didn’t do. It felt like I was pulling up every single thing from its tail and hanging it on right in front of my face as I interrogated it at under the harshest light at 3 am.

That habit made me so paranoid and I felt imprisoned inside the scary world I have created myself.

Suddenly, I had a shift. Like with all kinds of revolutions, things happen gradually it seems like nothing ever changes, then it happens suddenly, and you start asking where did it all come from and how could you be so blind not to have foreseen it.

That’s what actually happened with me.

For some reasons, maybe I got so tired figuring things out all the time and making them look bigger and more meaningful that they actually were. Maybe I just got wiser because of my own experiences.

Lately I have been getting responses from the people around me. They were surprised why I didn’t seem to be worrying about anything, including things that they believed I should be worried about (like making stupid and careless, but honest mistakes). They found it weird that I could just easily accepts things. They thought it’s not normal. They believed they should see me at least in a scenario where I panicked or felt crushed and miserable. They didn’t think it’s logical to be calm.

Well, I have to set the record straight. Those things they were referring to were not a matter of life and death…not even close to it. It wasn’t like I was harming anyone without feeling concerned about it. They were referring to petty stuff from cooking and cleaning mistakes…to career and relationships decisions. Of course while the last two ones were life-changing, they were not really that serious when you look at it more closely. And of course you couldn’t compare the weight of cooking and cleaning mistakes with career and relationship decisions…which they also refer to as mistakes.

To be honest, I am not used to it as well. I am not used to this feeling of being calm and accepting. I am so  not used to it that I even questioned if there’s something wrong with me. That’s the thing with neuroses. You eventually think it’s normal when you get used to them that you feel abnormal without them. I believe this makes it difficult for some people to transition to a healthier lifestyle. You feel like an alien to yourself. You have created your entire self concept around your neuroses that your ego has learned to depend on them for a sense of validation and security.

I know this is a tricky place to be in but I also know that I’m not gonna be here forever. I’m writing this post because I want to validate and support myself on my journey and the healthy shifts I am consciously deciding to happen in my life.

This is making me uncomfortable but it is teaching me so much about listening to my own guidance system and trusting all the direct spiritual help I’m getting. I remember I quote I heard once from Abraham Hicks, (this is not a direct quote but this is how I remember what she said), “The universe will tell you what you want to know, what your life purpose is, on one condition – you must not listen to what other people say.”

That’s the price to pay for remembering the truth and getting the answers that we all seek. It’s surely difficult but it’s without a doubt, worth it.

Activities · Self

The Great Shift

I’ve made a huge leap this past few days and YES I wanna make sure that I put it on record!

So I’ve been making some major changes in my lifestyle lately. This means that I have been reflecting more than usual. As I observed myself more, I consequently observed others more as well. It’s a dialectical thing. You can’t just stop doing one because you’re more focused on the other. They affect each other because everything is interconnected and the world around us is but a mirror of our internal world.

This observation has made me realize how critical I have been of others which only reflected how critical I have been with myself. I have not been accepting the fullness of myself. I was just picking out parts which I liked and pushing out the ones I didn’t. It has become my habit to judge myself 24/7. Consequently, that was how I see others as well. I’ve been continuously critical of how people spoke, behaved, decided, thought, etc. While there were things I found amusing, interesting, lovely about other people, most often than not, I would find things which I strongly…detested. I wasn’t just annoyed; I was completely disturbed and stressed out about the things I disliked.

I wasn’t aware that this habit was making me unreasonably suspicious of other people which of course made me very unhappy. I haven’t always been like that. I know I used to have so much faith in other people. But I think that naive faith led me to this consequence. But anyway, the good news is, I believe I have finally come to this point in my journey where I can find the balance between two extremes.

I have learned that being purely idealistic with other people is not just naive but also unfair. We live in a world of contradictions and we are a product as well as creators of this world. Things are not black and white. Good people can do bad things and vice-versa. Smart people make stupid mistakes, too. It’s never wise to just hand out the key to your security and happiness to someone else. That’s what we’re doing when we have naive expectations of those around us.

On the other hand, swimming in a state of suspicion is just as naive as the first one. When we’re in that state, what we’re actually doing is distrusting the goodness that exists, the goodness that is within us. When we’re so focused on all the things that are not going right, we can miss out on the ones that are. We are robbing ourselves of all the amazing manifestations surrounding us. We are robbing ourselves of our own power to manifest.

Mao Tes Tung was right when we said “Let a hundred flowers bloom.”, while he may be referring to a different context, it meant basically the same thing.

Let’s find that place of allowing within ourselves. Let us welcome all the contrasting elements inside and outside us. Let us look at the things that we don’t  like instead of dismissing them and pushing them out of the backdoor.

Let’s be happy that we keep on manifesting things out of our varying desires. While we may not always like what is manifested, we have to remember that it always help us and the universe expand. While for sure we create tons of waste that are toxic for us and our planet, we also come up with brilliant ideas that would have never existed without the developments we’re having.

Now when I observe other people, I no longer feel that urge to criticize them in my own mind. Instead, I have replaced that with a feeling of gentle curiosity. Instead of labeling things with “I like this one” and “I hate that one”, I look at everything more closely and suspend my own judgment. It doesn’t mean that I forgo of what I mean by right and wrong. It only means that I have become more aware of my own perspective and the fact that innumerable kinds of perspectives exist around me at the same time. I am now fine with the fact that while many things won’t make sense to me, they are reasonable for others and it’s something I am not in the position to judge.

We can still act based on our own perspective, and as a society we have to so we can coexist in harmony. But I think it’s gonna teach us how to be more compassionate and fair if we always keep in mind that there is not just one or a few perspectives that exist. All kinds of perspectives are equally valid, and they all matter.

This huge shift in my perspective has made me lift the weight on myself as well. I don’t stress about little things that much anymore (it used to be one of my self-negating habits). I have learned that judging myself has resulted to judging others and none of these is making me any happier or more peaceful. It just made me ungrateful and miserable.

I used to feel upset when other people didn’t behave in the way I wanted them to. But now I just feel grateful that they exist because they’re presence is important. They’re contributing to the expansion of our universe and to my own expansion as well. We don’t grow just by surrounding ourselves with the things that we like, but also by allowing things that we don’t like to come to our life experience. This teaches us how to master ourselves and create the kind of world that is best for our spirit.