I got this idea of creating a Fuck It List instead of a Bucket List from Scott Jones’ Ted Talk. I share his sentiment that writing a Bucket List feels kinda phony and sentimental. I actually have a Bucket List inside my head, but it doesn’t feel like a ‘legit’ one. It’s more like a guide for living my life. Haha!
So since I just turned 29 (!!!), I decided now is the perfect time to create my very first Fuck It List. And so this is how it goes:
1. I’m done with Facebook. As you see, I’ve already checked this one based on my latest posts, since I have deleted all my contacts except for my boyfriend and his sister. I need to keep it that way because I’m in a long distance relationship and Facebook is just the most convenient tool to communicate and share stuff. One unintended effect on me though is that I have stopped compulsively browsing my Newsfeed for interesting content posted on the pages I follow.
I no longer feel like I’m missing out on something if I don’t see all these amazing stuff online.
2. I’m done with uncomfortable and dangerous footwear. I’ve recently developed a bunion on my left foot due to 1. My genes (my aunts have it, too) and 2. Pointed and cramped shoes. While I couldn’t do anything (or much) about my genes, I can choose which kinds of shoes to wear. I don’t really wear high heels but I have always been fond of wearing pointed shoes. But since I developed this bunion, I started to despise them.
I had to change the way I think about clothing in general. I used to take my feet for granted, but now I put foot care on top of my priorities (especially since I work in Sales and Marketing, I do a lot of walking and traveling!).
3. I’m done with stressing about wearing watches and accessories. I used to like wearing feminine accessories, but since I hit my mid-twenties, I’ve stopped liking them. I just felt irritated wearing them and I didn’t find them attractive on me anymore (I don’t even wear earrings now). I used to like wearing watches, too, but not anymore.
When I wear a watch, I tend to check out the time every fucking few seconds. I swear it’s crazy! It’s a bad habit that I don’t wanna live with.
I’d rather accessorize myself with nail polish and make up (those two I really enjoy putting on). Of course I’m still open to wearing accessories on very few occasions. But I have decided not to force myself into doing it anymore.
4. I’m done with the feeling of always having to explain myself especially when I say No to other people. This is definitely age-related. I just don’t have enough insecurity anymore to bend and break to accommodate others. First of all, I have minimized my Circle into a very few selected individuals (my family, my boyfriend and just a few more individuals who I choose to remain important in my life). This list won’t even reach twenty.
5. I’m done with greeting people outside of my Circle on their birthdays. I just don’t see the point in popping up into a person’s life on his/her birthday when I practically choose to be absent otherwise.
6. I’m done with always wanting to look younger than I already am. A few days ago, I looked into the mirror and suddenly realized that gone are the days when I have always been mistaken to be younger than my actual age. I think I am officially starting to look like I am in my early 30’s now (which I will be in a few short years). The reality that I couldn’t take back the freshness I had when I was a decade younger has begun to sink in. My face is starting to sag that I am thinking for sure I’ll be needing a face lift in the next decade – just kidding haha! (But jokes are half meant, aren’t they?) I feel that I could easily get fat now unlike when I was younger, when I could pig out and remain as slim as I’ve always been. I don’t wanna look cute anymore. I’m fine and comfy now with wearing “mature lady clothes”.
I’m done glorifying and obsessing on my youth. I want to start embracing and appreciating maturity for all its freedom and beauty.
7. I’m done with chasing more, but shallow experiences. I guess it’s part of youth to want to try out as many things as possible. My motto used to be “Life is a series of many firsts.” It has guided my life for the past decade. While it’s been amazing and I’ve learned a lot, I believe the time has come for me to change my perspective. That old motto no longer suits what kind of life I wanna live from hereon.
I want to immerse myself now in experiences that are more deliberate, profound and long lasting. It’s not about the quantity anymore, but the quality of experiences. It’s not about the chance to experiment anymore, but the opportunity to take roots and grow.
8. I’m done with deliberately not liking people when they turn out to be very different from me, or when I feel like they don’t like me. This bad habit is just stressing me out and making me judgmental and defensive. I also miss a lot by not opening myself enough to accept people the way they are and how they genuinely feel towards me. It’s not the end of the world when someone doesn’t like me. I gotta grow up and stop wanting to be in harmony with everyone. Contrast is important, too.
9. I’m done with extending help to those who don’t want my help to begin with. I have started to learn how to trust that everybody has his/her own path and that we can always find our way through. Being open to help when I feel like helping is enough. I don’t have to shove it into people’s faces. If they want my help, they’ll have no problem asking for it and welcoming it.
10. I’m done with unnecessary confrontations. I’m pretty much a confrontational person, but these past few months have taught me that sometimes it’s better to just let things go. We have to choose our battles. Honesty is definitely important. But I have learned that some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes we just have to forgive and let go.
I think this list is a good start! Again, it’s not about the quantity but the quality of what we pursue. Once I find myself accomplishing them, I would have more space for new items to include.