Activities · People · Relationships · Self · Women

My ‘Fuck It’ List

I got this idea of creating a Fuck It List instead of a Bucket List from Scott Jones’ Ted Talk. I share his sentiment that writing a Bucket List feels kinda phony and sentimental. I actually have a Bucket List inside my head, but it doesn’t feel like a ‘legit’ one. It’s more like a guide for living my life. Haha!

So since I just turned 29 (!!!), I decided now is the perfect time to create my very first Fuck It List. And so this is how it goes:

1. I’m done with Facebook. As you see, I’ve already checked this one based on my latest posts, since I have deleted all my contacts except for my boyfriend and his sister. I need to keep it that way because I’m in a long distance relationship and Facebook is just the most convenient tool to communicate and share stuff. One unintended effect on me though is that I have stopped compulsively browsing my Newsfeed for interesting content posted on the pages I follow.

I no longer feel like I’m missing out on something if I don’t see all these amazing stuff online.

2. I’m done with uncomfortable and dangerous footwear. I’ve recently developed a bunion on my left foot due to 1. My genes (my aunts have it, too) and 2. Pointed and cramped shoes. While I couldn’t do anything (or much) about my genes, I can choose which kinds of shoes to wear. I don’t really wear high heels but I have always been fond of wearing pointed shoes. But since I developed this bunion, I started to despise them.

I had to change the way I think about clothing in general. I used to take my feet for granted, but now I put foot care on top of my priorities (especially since I work in Sales and Marketing, I do a lot of walking and traveling!).

3. I’m done with stressing about wearing watches and accessories. I used to like wearing feminine accessories, but since I hit my mid-twenties, I’ve stopped liking them. I just felt irritated wearing them and I didn’t find them attractive on me anymore (I don’t even wear earrings now). I used to like wearing watches, too, but not anymore.

When I wear a watch, I tend to check out the time every fucking few seconds. I swear it’s crazy! It’s a bad habit that I don’t wanna live with.

I’d rather accessorize myself with nail polish and make up (those two I really enjoy putting on). Of course I’m still open to wearing accessories on very few occasions. But I have decided not to force myself into doing it anymore.

4. I’m done with the feeling of always having to explain myself especially when I say No to other people. This is definitely age-related. I just don’t have enough insecurity anymore to bend and break to accommodate others. First of all, I have minimized my Circle into a very few selected individuals (my family, my boyfriend and just a few more individuals who I choose to remain important in my life). This list won’t even reach twenty.

5. I’m done with greeting people outside of my Circle on their birthdays. I just don’t see the point in popping up into a person’s life on his/her birthday when I practically choose to be absent otherwise.

6. I’m done with always wanting to look younger than I already am. A few days ago, I looked into the mirror and suddenly realized that gone are the days when I have always been mistaken to be younger than my actual age. I think I am officially starting to look like I am in my early 30’s now (which I will be in a few short years). The reality that I couldn’t take back the freshness I had when I was a decade younger has begun to sink in. My face is starting to sag that I am thinking for sure I’ll be needing a face lift in the next decade – just kidding haha! (But jokes are half meant, aren’t they?) I feel that I could easily get fat now unlike when I was younger, when I could pig out and remain as slim as I’ve always been. I don’t wanna look cute anymore. I’m fine and comfy now with wearing “mature lady clothes”.

I’m done glorifying and obsessing on my youth. I want to start embracing and appreciating maturity for all its freedom and beauty.

7. I’m done with chasing more, but shallow experiences. I guess it’s part of youth to want to try out as many things as possible. My motto used to be “Life is a series of many firsts.” It has guided my life for the past decade. While it’s been amazing and I’ve learned a lot, I believe the time has come for me to change my perspective. That old motto no longer suits what kind of life I wanna live from hereon.

I want to immerse myself now in experiences that are more deliberate, profound and long lasting. It’s not about the quantity anymore, but the quality of experiences. It’s not about the chance to experiment anymore, but the opportunity to take roots and grow.

8. I’m done with deliberately not liking people when they turn out to be very different from me, or when I feel like they don’t like me. This bad habit is just stressing me out and making me judgmental and defensive. I also miss a lot by not opening myself enough to accept people the way they are and how they genuinely feel towards me. It’s not the end of the world when someone doesn’t like me. I gotta grow up and stop wanting to be in harmony with everyone. Contrast is important, too.

9. I’m done with extending help to those who don’t want my help to begin with. I have started to learn how to trust that everybody has his/her own path and that we can always find our way through. Being open to help when I feel like helping is enough. I don’t have to shove it into people’s faces. If they want my help, they’ll have no problem asking for it and welcoming it.

10. I’m done with unnecessary confrontations. I’m pretty much a confrontational person, but these past few months have taught me that sometimes it’s better to just let things go. We have to choose our battles. Honesty is definitely important. But I have learned that some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes we just have to forgive and let go.

I think this list is a good start! Again, it’s not about the quantity but the quality of what we pursue. Once I find myself accomplishing them, I would have more space for new items to include.

 

Activities · Relationships · Self

About a Breather (Part Two)

If the first part contained my reasons for quitting personal use of social media, this next part would be about the effects it brought me and the realizations I’ve had because of it.

Extra time! I’m the type of person who regularly evaluates her habits to see if she can still simplify them. Just like most people, I spend the biggest chunk of my life working and traveling to and from work. It’s in my best interest to save up time in every possible way so I can have more time to rest, be with my loved ones and engage in other activities that I love doing.

Quitting personal use of social media allowed me more time to be productive!

I can finish reading books again in just a few days! I have more clarity of mind and focus to write again (I currently have three blogs). These two are just a few of the most important and fulfilling activities for me. I’m glad I’ve brought them back into my daily routine.

Clarity. I’d always choose clarity and peace of mind over anything. Being away from social media enabled me to withdraw from unhealthy thought patterns and behavior.

I am only taking selfies now for my partner which is overseas. I share it with him via personal messages and I don’t post them anywhere online anymore. This made me less conscious of presenting myself blindly out in the public. It doesn’t mean I stopped minding how other people perceive me. Of course, I still do. But now I have a more focused intention when “package” and “market” myself. Mostly I just plan how to present myself now in professional situations (it’s sick and tiring how social media makes us do this even with our own family and friends). Naturally, this means less anxiety for me because I can just be candid most of the time.

I noticed that I have become clear again with what’s truly important for me, what nourishes my spirit and which relationships are worth investing my time with.

Since my old friends can’t check out my profile anymore now to know what’s up with me, they’d either have to send me an email (I’ve asked them to do this), call me or visit me where I live. As with my family, they’d just have to personally ask me. It’s true for me as well. I’m no longer able to chat with anybody now whenever I’m just bored or pissed off.

My communication has become more deliberate. I need to be sure that I have a reasonable purpose for talking to someone, otherwise, why bother?

Besides, I have always preferred infrequent but profound conversations and email exchanges with friends. It’s more fulfilling and meaningful.

Perspective. Aha! Yes! Withdrawing from personal use of social media has made me less judgmental, patronizing and spiteful of other people. It’s very human to judge and give our prejudiced and unsolicited opinions. Social media amplifies that. I’ve become saner because I stopped seeing people as cardboard social media profiles.

I understand how useful social media is for networking, that’s why I still use it for my business. But quitting personal use has made me realize that it’s actually not that important for socialization purposes as I thought it was. I didn’t expect to get these mentioned outcomes but I’m glad I have.

Activities · Relationships · Self

About a Breather (Part One)

I didn’t plan to quit my personal use of social media (Facebook and Instagram). Actually, I still couldn’t identify how it all began. All I can remember was that I got so active on it because of my start-up to the point that I got sick of it. It was consuming a lot of my time and emotions (yes I’m an emotional being!) but it’s not giving me satisfying results in exchange. My reflections on it spilled over to the other aspects of my life which were related to social media in general, in one way or another.

At first I simply deleted my contacts on Facebook and just left a few. After a few weeks, I decided to delete everybody except for my partner and his sister (because we use Facebook to text, call and share interesting stuff we find online). I thought about deleting my account and just creating a new one so I could start fresh, but I figured out that it would be too much work on my part to like the same pages again (hey, they’re so precious to me!!!). As of Instagram, I just deleted the photos of me with my boyfriend because I didn’t want my personal stuff out in public anymore. I couldn’t entirely quit both because I need them for my business.

I am not anti-social media. Just like anything, it’s a tool that we can use for however we please. It has advantages and disadvantages based on how we expect it to work for us. The main reason I stopped using it personally was because it’s become so time-consuming. Just like most Facebook users maybe, it has become my habit to browse my newsfeed for interesting stuff whenever I can (when I wake up, before I go to sleep, during lunch break, when I’m in the bus, when I’m falling in line, etc.). I didn’t actually get updates from my contacts anymore during the last few months before I quit (they simply didn’t appear or it’s because I unfollowed them). But my newsfeed was flooded with interesting things from visual arts, to films, to fashion, to architecture, to travel, to science and technology, world affairs, to health and spirituality, among others.

Whenever I missed just a day of browsing them, I have noticed that I would immediately feel like a loser! Like I missed A LOT about life and the universe and that I was gonna suffer from my own ignorance as a result.

My second reason was because I didn’t find it socially useful anymore. I stopped being interested to post stuff about my life. I stopped being interested with what my contacts posted as well. I started wanting to have more personal connections again.

I didn’t want to find out about my friends’ lives from their Facebook posts anymore! I wanted to go back to the old ways and just share things directly to those I cared about and who cared about me. I wanted to stop broadcasting the bits and pieces of my life out in the open, free for all.

Even if I just had a handful of contacts by the end of my last few months (around 33), I still felt it so impersonal (and vulgar) to not be directly talking to anybody in particular. In addition to that, I even deactivated my other account which I just created and maintained for my family and a few relatives. I merely open it now whenever I feel curious. There’s actually no need for me to check it since I am always with them.

My third and last reason was because I simply got tired and lazy watching myself from other people’s point of view.

I. just. didn’t. want. it. anymore. I won’t say I’ll never want to do it, to feel it again. But I just don’t want it now. Yes, it felt good to share my happiness and excitement from time to time. But I guess it  eventually felt more like a job to me than something I simply enjoyed doing.