Let me take a pause and breathe. Please give me some time to finish this weeding out that I have long begun. I don’t wanna do all these things in a hurry because I wanna make sure I’m able to evaluate clearly which I can and cannot bring with me when I take the journey with you.
I don’t have to announce my parting but I have to say goodbye in silence – for myself. I need to feel closure for myself. I want to feel that my growth and conscious decision are making all these possible.
I wanna own all my goodbyes and hellos.
I wanna shed off all the guilt, shame and regret that were left of me. I won’t be needing any of them anymore.
Let me do this in my own thorough way. Let me walk my baby steps. Let me have the chance to sit in the middle of my would-be past with all that I would be leaving and say thank you to the shadows and scents, moments, just moments before I grab my bag and get out of the door for good.
I need to know that I’m certain and resolved. I need to know that I’m not coming back.