I’m aware of you, my monsters.
I admit, there have been times – and there are still times – when I feel anxious about your presence. I hate it when you’d slowly creep out of your dark closet or under the bed where you just usually hibernate until something tickles your curiosity.
You’re never really harmful; just ugly. You’re never really pointless; just hyper and confusing.
I’ve grown wiser, that’s for sure. But I don’t think I’m confronting you again because of it. Most probably, I’m just tired, been living on this planet as a human being for almost 29 years. I just wanna give up and surrender. I wanna stop over analyzing and getting to the bottom of things when, basically, the thing I call “bottom” does not exist. Everything is relative.
I’m tired. I just wanna rest my mind most of the time now. Just in case you don’t know, I’ve gotten addicted to meditation because of the good feelings emptiness of the mind gives me.
You don’t have to hide from me from now on. You can sit on my couch, the thing is I don’t have one. Haha! Okay, you can sit on the edge of my bed sometimes. But please don’t freak me out or I’ll kick you in the ass! You can look outside through my window, look at the stuff I post on my bedroom wall, eavesdrop me through my journal. Mess with my closet – it couldn’t be messier, I swear. You can basically live every day with me, do your thing, I’m fine with that (just don’t ever drink my coffee!).
I’m fine with being crazy in my own way. It’s perfectly human to be obsessed with some things that I fancy or fear. Most of the time being human is also living on the extremes. Having experienced that is the only route to divinity which all beings are. I fucking love my extremes.
I’m giving up my epic search for the meaning of life. It’s overkill. Pursuing that goal blinds me on the real thrill of living (too many “l’s”, sorry!). I’m not struggling to change myself anymore. I’m just gonna be experimenting and playing with myself from now on.
Omg please, stop wearing my clothes!