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People & Relationships, The Self

It is easy to take our loved ones for granted when so many things are going on in our lives.

It’s easy to look past them and forget about them when we’re busy building our lives and/or having fun. But when we realize that our careers won’t be there for us when we’re sick or lonely, and when the party is over and the lights are out, we will be confronted with the truth that who we will be looking for are those people we feel at home with.

When we feel alone and exhausted all we want is to go back home and feel loved, safe and understood.

That’s the difference love makes. It’s easy to have fun and excitement with practically anyone but feeling at home with someone is a rare, precious thing.

 

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In vulnerability, we find Strength

People & Relationships, The Self

We are all products of our relationships. We are a testament to the kinds of love that shape our lives.

We cannot harness the transforming power of love if we hide from it. We must have the courage to be vulnerable if we want love to lead the way for us. Love is the only compass in life that we can trust.

This article is in connection with my previous one, “How I Deal with my Fear of Abandonment”. They are related because they both deal with the power of love to transform and transcend limitations.

Part of my struggle with my fear of abandonment is my unhealthy habit of overthinking and always doubting myself and putting myself out in the open to be scrutinized. I would ruminate whether I am doing or giving my partner too much or too little of myself. I am always afraid that if I give him too little, that he would not be committed enough in the relationship or that if I give him too much, that he would be overwhelmed and leave me. Well, either way, in my mind I always end up being rejected and abandoned. Figuring out where the middle is seems to me totally impossible. To myself, I am fucked up either way.

But I am basically just fucking myself up.

Doing this to ourselves is just plain destructive. It’s a breeding ground for insecurity. However, it’s not just unhealthy for us, it’s unhealthy for our partners as well.

We are not doing our partners a favor by trying to protect them from the realities of life and love. Each of us has our own battles to deal with. We cannot fight their battles for them in the same way that they cannot fight our battles for us.

I am not saying this as an excuse to be difficult and irresponsible in relationships. What I am trying to clarify here is that we cannot protect our partners from heartaches that can naturally come up in relationships.

It will not always be butterflies in the tummy, sunshine, pink hearts and clear skies. We won’t learn how to love if everything’s always easy and nice.

Don’t be afraid to put your relationship out there in the battlefield. It’s part of discovery and growth to see how you both respond to different conditions inside and outside of your individual selves and your relationship.

It’s only by doing this that you can put your strengths and capability to love to the test. It’s only by doing this that you can discover if you really have what it takes to build a solid and long-lasting love partnership.

Stop believing in the illusion that you can protect your partner from the messiness of love and relationships. Trust him/her as an equal and give him/her the space to prove himself/herself. Give him/her the chance to grow and transcend his/her limitations. Let him/her fight and win his/her own battles. He/she needs it not just for your relationship, but most importantly, for himself/herself. Don’t deprive him/her of that chance.

Letting someone love you isn’t only about letting someone be happy because he/she is loved by you. It’s also, and most importantly, about letting someone become stronger, wiser and deeper because of loving you. We don’t just serve our partners by making them happy, by making things lighter for them. We also serve them by challenging them to be their  best selves.

So if your fear of abandonment is stopping you from disclosing enough with your partner and trusting him/her enough to show your real awesome and messy side, always go back to the truth that nobody’s perfect.

Again, we choose to be who we are with not because it’s easy but because it’s worth it.

Let your partner see the truth of who you really are. If he/she doesn’t accept all that you are then he/she is not meant to be with you. There’s no reason to overthink, doubt yourself and let yourself down.

Become who you really are. The right person will always find a way to be with you no matter what.

 

I believe it’s unhealthy to censor topics that can be discussed between partners. Censorship creates a gap that might be filled up by other unwanted things and people. It’s always best to know what your partner thinks of and how he/she feels about the various issues that matter to both of you. It’s always best to know where both of you stand.

If we’re looking for a long-term relationship, we wouldn’t want someone who will chicken out at the first sight of difficulty. We want someone who commits, stays, endures and becomes better when the going gets tough. That’s the reason why we have to put our ourselves and our love to the test.

5 Practical Things I’ve Learned from Launching my Dream Business

Creative Living, Manifestation, The Self

1. Sometimes you really have to get cut so bad to learn.

I had quite a few mistakes while starting my business. Each step I take is equally important because it means either profit gain or profit loss for me. If I don’t make actual mistakes, I will never learn the value of each part of the process involved in establishing and developing a successful business.

2. Do not get carried away with what people say.

You will get A LOT of not so good comments and inquiries from people around you. Don’t let their doubts about themselves affect you. Don’t let a particular ugly remark offend you. Choose to behave nicely and professionally.

3. Learn how to use your resources wisely.

Resources include your energy, skills, ideas, money, time and emotions, among others. As an artist and entrepreneur, you must learn how to evaluate the opportunity in every situation. You must identify when it’s okay to invest more in something and when it’s not. This can be tricky because results won’t always materialize immediately. You will have to bank on your experiences and intuition on this one. It’s another way of saying, “Choose your battles, wisely.”

4. Never sell for money’s sake. 

You will not be able to convince others to join you in and believe in what you do if it’s so obvious that all you care about is the success of your personal goals. You gotta have something to offer other people.

5. Have respect and dignity for your work.

If you believe in your work, eventually others will, too. Do not beg for other people’s approval. You don’t have to crawl to adjust to their demands. You don’t have to change who you are to please those who are not meant to see and love your true colors. No matter what happens, take the commitment to uphold the value of what you do.

People can and will criticize you, don’t mind them. Can they do what you do? Probably not. Brush the negative remarks off.

Love is a Collaboration

Creative Living, The Self

So I have finally launched my dream business. I just created a temporary website today and my FB page has been up for officially TEN DAYS now. The most important part of the dream has been done and I am continuously correcting my course each and every day.

This entire experience has been very amazing. From the time I quit my job to pursue this dream, to the time I bought materials, started to paint every single day for three weeks, dealt with my doubts and fears, staged a guerilla photo shoot for my teasers, photographed my products one by one, created teasers (I am no digital ninja, by the way, I am so old school), launched the FB page, learned how to use Instagram and created an account, answered inquiries, accepted and shipped orders, lost some money due to my ignorance of the processes I should set in place…

I loved and savored every moment of it.

This work is mine. It is finally mine. I am not enslaved by anyone. I suffer the consequences of my own mistakes and reap the sweetest benefits of my own labor and success.

I have learned to let go of my attachment to what I think “should be” and instead be grateful for all that is. I am very grateful for each and every one who appreciates what I do, who gets inspired by my passion to pursue my dream, who shares my work with others, and of course, most especially those who are willing to shell out their hard-earned money to have my bags.

I learned that I don’t have to ask for favors because those who really believe in my work and can’t wait to share them with others will do it on their own and those who don’t really want to cannot be “convinced”, anyway. Focusing on those who do not believe in what you do is just a waste of time. We cannot please everyone…that’s why it’s important to know who our target market is 😀

A balance must always be identified between pleasing your clients and standing up for your standards and principles. If the  requests and suggestions are reasonable, or better, brilliant, then take them and be thankful. Otherwise, just be firm enough to say no.

Furthermore, a balance must also be set between working hard and letting go.

We must always provide enough space for Divine Intervention, be it in the form of accidents, mistakes or opportunities. All of these are miracles.

We are never alone. We should ask for Divine help and let ourselves receive the help that we need. This is how we create harmony with All That Is.

Now I understand why the Universe told me to dream bigger and set long-term goals instead of just focusing on immediate results. Initially, I only dreamed of earning enough money to support myself by doing what I love. But this amazing journey has given me many, bigger and more meaningful gifts along the way, so much more than what I;ve hoped for. I have learned to keep my hopes high and my dreams really big. 🙂

Answering the Soul’s longing

Creative Living, Life path, The Self

Way back in college, I remember I had come at a crossroads – I thought about pursuing art seriously and eventually making a career out of it. But the other part of me prevailed, the part of me that didn’t want to pursue the very thing I loved for fear of failure. I was afraid that it might not love me back. So I didn’t take a chance. I didn’t pursue it.

Fast forward to a decade later, I am here embracing the very thing I loved and evaded from most of my adult life. I have finally launched my dream project – a combination of visual art, entrepreneurship and spirituality.

I MADE IT. I HAVE JUST FULFILLED A DREAM.

I have battled many of my doubts, fears and insecurities along the way. They’re not entirely resolved but I have learned to live with them.

I have learned that what makes any person successful in what they chose to do is PERSEVERANCE.

Most of the time, the reasons not to pursue something will outweigh the reasons to pursue it. But fulfilling dreams, like any heart’s desire, is not a rational process. It always requires a certain level of craziness and leaps of faith.

Nothing is certain in life and that includes achieving goals. What makes anything possible is our desire, belief and perseverance.

There are many times when I get preoccupied with short-sighted matters like financial needs and immediate recognition. But again and again, the Universe reminds me that I should look longer than that, that I should dream bigger than my present dreams.

She reminds me that I must focus on my enjoying, developing and putting my work out there instead of obsessing on my success or if I am finally getting “there”.

Financial returns may be slow in the beginning because the immediate fruits come in other ways. I may not be selling my work hot like pancakes at the moment but I am grateful for the positive feedback from the people I have inspired. I am connecting with people who have similar deep soul longings to fulfill their life’s work. That can’t be measured by any amount of money.

The Universe tells me I should let go of my burdens and focus on developing my craft and celebrating my accomplishments. She is so right.

Instead of brooding over what I am not fulfilling yet, my focus should be on what I have done, who I have become in the process and how my work has affected the world around me.

I could die anytime and have totally no regrets!

I keep on praying that I may have the wisdom, the courage and the strength to sustain and improve what I have started.

Honestly, I don’t have any “grand” reasons for doing this. I just like it so much and I want to turn all my ideas into reality.

I don’t intend to help other people in any way, I don’t intend to leave any kind of legacy (though, I am not saying that there’s anything wrong with that), but I believe that in many ways we can uplift other people and make the world a better place (no matter how cliche it sounds) by following what sets our hearts on fire.

To those interested, please feel free to visit my page:

www.facebook.com/superdaenamite

If you’re happy with  my work, please like it and share it with your family and friends!

Thank you so much!