It wasn’t surprising at all when you told me point-blank how disappointed you were because of what I did. ( I didn’t ask for your opinion. It didn’t matter to me in proceeding with my irreversible decision.) You kept on telling me things that you supposed would change my mind. The problem was, you didn’t know me enough. Your words only reflected who you were. You told me things that would have an effect on YOU. None of what you said achieved your desired goal of changing my mind by your attempts to appeal to my ego.
Our recent exchange of words only proved my impression on you that you were really so conscious about your image. You have always been preoccupied with how people see you. I am not sure what caused this but I hope you see how messed up it can be to have such preoccupation. I am not saying I’m a better human being because I’m not like you. For all we care and or all we know I have my own personal troubles as well just like anyone.
I just feel sad that you think and act like this towards yourself. I believe this is one of the reasons why you find it hard to liberate yourself from really unhealthy situations. You always put others’ opinions and feelings at the forefront at your expense. You don’t know when to draw the line. I remember you once called this characteristic “responsibility”. You thought you were so responsible that’s why you always put other people first (though certainly you deliberately chose who these people were).
But being responsible first and foremost means being responsible for yourself. It’s being able to provide yourself with what is good for you. How can you be responsible towards other people if you don’t know how to be responsible towards yourself?
Likewise,you are not loving yourself by trying to live up to some hypothetical image of yourself you have created in your head. Stand up for yourself. Be authentic. Those who see your value would be there for you no matter what. Those who do not should not be dealt with at all. They are just a waste of time.
Hate me for as long as you want. But all I’d like to tell you is this: Embrace who you are. Say what you mean. Walk away from everything that is not good for you. Liberate yourself.