Activities · Art · Business · People · Relationships · Self

A whisper told me

If it’s still in your mind, it is worth taking the risk. – Paulo Coelho

1. That bag business which I have experimented with a couple of years ago

2. That postgraduate degree on women and development

3. DELIBERATELY meeting that guy for the second time (the first one was by chance)

(I have had other goals which I’ve let go of – lost the passion for – eventually and yet these three just got stuck there somewhere in the corners of my mind.)

Self · Women

From my future Self

quote

Since I’m at a crossroads once again, this is something that could help me in reflecting on my decisions. What are the things that I should do now that YOU (my future self) will thank me for?

(I am free writing, this is harder to answer than I thought. But okay, here it goes, my future self says…)

1. SHUT THE FUCKING UP when you’re not sure you can stand by what you say. It does not matter to me what you say as long as you have the spirit to support it all the way.

2. LISTEN AND OBSERVE MORE, talk less (in connection with number 1). You won’t learn much by talking about yourself and the things you already know. PLUS THE FACT THAT you know it’s not safe to be spilling the beans, baby. Stay wise.

3. Do yourself and ME a favor by SLEEPING EARLY (at night of course) AND SLEEPING MORE. I don’t think I have to argue with you on this one.

4. BE PROACTIVE IN ESTABLISHING MORE MATURE RELATIONSHIPS with all the people around you. OUR PARENTS are on the top of the list, girl. You know that.

5. NEVER EVER CHANGE WHO YOU ARE for someone. I’m really gonna crack your thick skull if you do that again!

(I’ve really become 10x fiercer in my future compared to who I am today LOL.)

People · Relationships · Women

To the woman imprisoned by herself

It wasn’t surprising at all when you told me point-blank how disappointed you were because of what I did. ( I didn’t ask for your opinion. It didn’t matter to me in proceeding with my irreversible decision.) You kept on telling me things that you supposed would change my mind. The problem was, you didn’t know me enough. Your words only reflected who you were. You told me things that would have an effect on YOU. None of what you said achieved your desired goal of changing my mind by your attempts to appeal to my ego.

Our recent exchange of words only proved my impression on you that you were really so conscious about your image. You have always been preoccupied with how people see you. I am not sure what caused this but I hope you see how messed up it can be to have such preoccupation. I am not saying I’m a better human being because I’m not like you. For all we care and or all we know I have my own personal troubles as well just like anyone.

I just feel sad that you think and act like this towards yourself. I believe this is one of the reasons why you find it hard to liberate yourself from really unhealthy situations. You always put others’ opinions and feelings at the forefront at your expense. You don’t know when to draw the line. I remember you once called this characteristic “responsibility”. You thought you were so responsible that’s why you always put other people first (though certainly you deliberately chose who these people were).

But being responsible first and foremost means being responsible for yourself. It’s being able to provide yourself with what is good for you. How can you be responsible towards other people if you don’t know how to be responsible towards yourself?

Likewise,you are not loving yourself by trying to live up to some hypothetical image of yourself you have created in your head. Stand up for yourself. Be authentic. Those who see your value would be there for you no matter what. Those who do not should not be dealt with at all. They are just a waste of time.

Hate me for as long as you want. But all I’d like to tell you is this: Embrace who you are. Say what you mean. Walk away from everything that is not good for you. Liberate yourself.

Activities · Art · People · Self

To the friend who asked what my greatest dream was

The oldest among my greatest dreams is to become an artist. It evolved from being a traditional canvas-oil-paint type of painter to a street visual artist. On the side I also dream of becoming a street and still life photographer and an illustrator for fictional books.

My father has always been one of my greatest believers. Lately he began on pushing me again to have an art exhibit of my own. There were more than a couple of times in the past decade in which I’ve attempted and planned to actually have a solo exhibit. However, it would always stop at the conceptualization stage. I used to wonder why, but perhaps now I know.

I don’t intend to sound proud but I don’t think it’s because I am not talented enough. It’s not because I don’t have enough “decent” and original works worthy of an exhibit. It’s also not because I don’t have the time and the money to produce one. If I really want to do it nothing and no one could stop me. Besides, I have all the hands and the hearts willing to help me out.

Maybe the reason is, it’s not the right time yet.

A genuine artist does not put up an exhibit to show off. It must be organic. It must be an accumulation and a celebration of the lives, the years, and all the love that gave birth to the art works themselves. An art exhibit should be a testament to the triumph of the interconnectedness of life.

While it’s true that an exhibit is a priceless gift to society, an artist must create, destroy and recreate continuously even without the goal nor the promise of this kind of culmination for the artist thrives on creation and not on exhibition (though they complement each other).

Many brilliant artists never had their own exhibits during their lifetimes. Many have only been known decades after their deaths. There are those who the public won’t even know about ever.

This is the time to realize that I shouldn’t be striving to hold an exhibit in the first place. I should focus my thoughts, feelings and energy in living, learning, creating and sharing what is authentic about me instead. I should continue to keep on maximizing whatever medium I feel is right to use as a means of expression. I could keep on using the media I have been using for years; pens and paper, Microsoft Paint, textile paint and canvas cloth, photography, film, and poetry. I am also free to explore new ways of expression (like dancing! and pottery, among many, many others).

I don’t create art for the sake of creation. I create because I simply can’t help it. It’s so basic for a human being that it couldn’t be separated from breathing, eating, sleeping, laughing, crying and dreaming. I just need to do it to survive. Maybe I’m the kind of artist the public won’t know about in my lifetime – or maybe ever. Who knows? But for now I am alive and there’s no better way of spending this life but by living, loving and learning!

People · Self · Women

To the many chances we are blessed with

Cliches reach the level of being cliches exactly because they make sense in one way or another for most people.

One of the most striking cliches of my life would be, “It’s never too late to learn.” It’s never too late to start again as long as we live. We were never born wise to begin with so it’s only but natural to keep on making mistakes. The only rule I keep in mind in making mistakes however is this:

Keep on making better mistakes.

(Better because they’re outcomes of wiser and fiercer decisions).

Forget about what other people will think, say or how they will behave towards you. Those who are supportive of your growth and well being will be there for you no matter what while those who don’t really care about you or will only want to put you down shouldn’t be dealt with in the first place. As always, The Universe will be there for you all the way.

If you have in your heart only good intentions for yourself and the world around you, believe that The Universe has your back.

Stand tall, open your heart to life and prepare to fly! We are all born free. Freedom is our destiny.

I am not romanticizing what’s been going on in my life right now. But it would be unjust if I don’t recognize the miracles either. I have within my reach everything that fills my heart with joy. I have my family; my mother who loves me with a wise and deep kind of love, my brothers who are my joy and allies for life, my father who’s never doubted my abilities and potentials and who’s always had big dreams for me, my baby dogs who’s always loved me as if I actually invented love in the first place and taught them about it (when it’s actually the opposite), a few soul sisters who’s just there, all pretty and fierce and present in all my ups and downs (who says and proves to me “I am here, as always.”), and now the job I’ve been praying and working for all my life. There is so much miracles going on in my life, so many things I am completely undeserving but freely given.

The Universe gave me all of these and more. She has given me so many chances to make things right and follow my soul’s calling. She has put me in various learning situations. She let me teach myself how to be authentic, how to be independent and brave, what it means to be wise and how to have faith. She supports all my ways of taking care of myself so I could inspire others how to take care of themselves as well. She let me get hurt so bad so I could finally learn on my own how to forgive.

She never lets me through a situation without her divine assistance (and when I say divine it’s divine – it’s just magic). Now I can deal with any kind of situation better and with less doubt and panic because I know I have Her with me. Always. Her wisdom and warmth will always be there for me whenever I need it.

What we are being asked is to do our part: to listen, be present, be authentic and brave. We must spread these miracles and celebrate the many chances we are all given.

People · Self

To the non-believers

“Give up the notion that you must be sure of what you are doing. Instead, surrender to what is real within you, for that alone is sure.” —Baruch Spinoza

I have proven this many times but the most striking happened just within a span of a week (a couple of days ago). I decided to leave my previous job for good after staying there for a long time and not seeing the developments I hoped to see. I left despite the fact that I still haven’t found a new job to replace it with.

But I left not only because I was fed up. I left  because I know my worth and I know what I want in my life at this point. I want to move on and have a productive, meaningful work. I want to be with people who value my presence, opinions and contribution and who can help me  grow into the person I want to  become.

As always, I stayed true to myself. The Universe feel our hearts and soul. She knows what we ache for. She would never spoon feed as though. We have to do our part. I had to do my part and make that bold decision to leave and move on even though everybody was advising me otherwise. I trusted myself and held on to my faith in Her that She would never let me down as long as I stay true to myself.

She promised me that She would give me my heart’s desire if I only had the guts to decide for myself. I did what She wanted me to do not because She told me so but because I knew it was the right thing to do.

She had not only given me what I thought I wanted, She gave me so much more (like She always did in the past). Maybe it’s the prize for my courage and faith.

When I think about this I couldn’t help but be moved to tears. All of my struggle was so worth it. To those who do not have enough faith yet to take that leap, this I tell you from experience:

Sometimes, you just gotta jump not because there is a safety net ready to catch you…because the moment you decide to hug your faith and leap you’ll find out that there’s no need for a safety net after all. The Universe will blow the winds so you could soar.

People · Relationships · Self

To those who were left behind

In an ideal world, everything is in accordance to the processes of how we believe things should be. People give reasonable explanations before saying goodbye. People actually say goodbye in the first place. People who have hurt us actually say sorry and mean it.

But this is the real world with real people in complex situations. Sometimes people wake up and leave. Sometimes people hurt us and leave – without saying sorry. Sometimes people never say sorry even if they (eventually) feel sorry. Sometimes people don’t feel sorry at all.

Sometimes people who leave don’t need us to understand them. Sometimes all they want is to decide and be respected. The people around them will naturally bear some of the consequences of their decision. But isn’t life like that? Sometimes we are the ones who are left behind. Other times, we are the ones who leave. In both situations we are responsible for our decisions and most of the consequences of our decisions will be suffered or celebrated only by ourselves.

To those who leave, to stay a little bit longer and to leave are both difficult choices. But one of those will actually make the situation better and that choice could sometimes be to just leave – to leave and give room for positive changes for all.

On the other hand, to those who were left behind, this may sound shitty but I have to say it because it has proven true for me: you just gotta deal with it. Eventually you’ll see all the good things this painful situation has brought you and how it broke you and made you wiser, stronger and more compassionate in the process.

People leave for different reasons. But most of the time it’s basically because of this:

People need space for a new beginning. People want to move on. Sometimes people can only move on by leaving behind certain people and situations.

People who consciously choose to leave are very much aware of all those they would leave behind. But despite the pain, disappointment and loss that would probably come as a result, their decisiveness to choose life and freedom still pushed them to make that decision. That deserves respect, if not admiration (especially from those who have been hurt by the said decision). Remember that we are all born free. It’s our destiny.