All along I thought it was only me who felt it: the strange, alive and extremely unforgettable connection between us.
I know you’ve said it before, perhaps a couple of times, “I’ve never been this close to someone.” and “I feel like I’ve known you for years!”. Perhaps, I didn’t take it quite seriously then because I thought it was just a one-night stand for you and that you were used to one-night stands. But apparently, I was wrong. We’ll be celebrating the first anniversary of our only memorable night pretty soon and you still haven’t moved on (what a surprise) from that night (I haven’t, too and I couldn’t). You just told me a few days ago that you always think about the feelings you had with me, that you felt like you have known me for years and that you still haven’t felt that close to anybody.
Like me, you couldn’t forget the fun and the incredible feelings (incredible was your word, baby) we had with each other. All along I thought that that night was given by the universe TO ME and to me alone. Now I realize that it was also for you. You were deeply affected by that night. It warms and pains my heart at the same time. I feel warmth because I had the chance to experience that. I had the chance of meeting you. On the other hand, it hurts me because I don’t know if we’ll ever see each other again or when or where (though we both are wishing to).
It makes me kind of lonely to think that I might not be able to feel that kind of connection, intensity, fun and freedom again.
We connected, I believe, because we were alike in many ways. We were both open to life at that time. We were both frank in all the sincere, sweet, awkward, harsh and funny ways. We both liked the same kind of sex (which was not really passionate, but more of friendly, fun, light, and dirty!). Surprisingly, we even had the same interests (photography, films, cooking, among others).
You told me you felt as though you knew how I wanted to feel and that I knew how you wanted to feel, too. Actually, I disagree on that statement. We really didn’t do anything amazing on its own that night. We had some skills, yes but I believe we just acted naturally. We didn’t know what each other wanted. How could we? We just met that night! We didn’t even talk much before having sex (or even during). It just so happened that we affected each other perfectly.
Everything you did felt perfect to me. My entire body, mind and spirit just responded to you. It surrendered to you. You could’ve merely touched my elbow and I’d be orgasmic. Seriously!
And I knew the same thing happened to you. You could never forget me and that night because of the novelty and strangeness of those intense and fun feelings.
I also believe that another major reason why we couldn’t forget it is because on that night, we were in our most absolute presence.
We soaked ourselves in the moment. All our senses were alive and in sync. That’s the reason why after almost a year, we could still relive the moment. It’s all about fate and presence.
I still don’t understand why the universe let us meet less than 48 hours before I leave the place where we met (to think that I’ve been there for three months!). I catch myself asking the question I’ve asked you before, “What do you think would have happened if we met earlier? If we spent more time together?” (to which you replied: “Maybe, you wouldn’t leave.”). I just couldn’t help myself from asking because it felt as though the universe wanted us to meet and change in profound ways but it didn’t want us to stay together and have a relationship. And. I. Just. Could. Not. Understand. Why. (I’m a stubborn little human being, I know.)
While sex is just one form of communicating with another soul – and we did connect amazingly! – it should not be dismissed as a petty thing – just sex – when in fact it could lead us to the most intensely liberating and spiritual experiences of our lives (and I’m not even exaggerating here, you know that.). It broke the walls between our two souls that otherwise won’t be broken by other means of communication (also, given that short amount of time).
I know we both long to be together again and it’s not only because of sex but more so because we’d like to feel that intense connection and liberation and fun again that we’ve only felt with each other so far. But I also know that since we have all these limitations in our situation, meeting again looks like a sweet fantasy for now. We have to move on with our lives, reach our goals, meet new people, enrich our relationships, fall in and out of love (like what just happened to me) and grow up. We don’t want to pressure ourselves and each other, and I like how we do it.
When we talk, you bring out the sunshine in me. I hope I bring out the sunshine in you as well.
You’ve given me not just the perfect kiss which I thought only existed in my imagination but so much more. You didn’t just accept me bare-naked and all (literally and figuratively) but you’ve shown me how amazing I really was, and still am. Recalling how you’ve made me feel is enough to dissolve my insecurities when they try to creep up on me time and time again. It’s amazing how an apparent stranger like you could make me feel that way. But perhaps, it’s exactly because you’re a stranger. You’re capable of seeing who I really was.
You have a good heart and a really beautiful soul. Whether we meet again or not, please remember that I will forever cherish our night and all the things that came with it and I will always have loving thoughts for you.
You already have a piece of me that only you will ever have.