To mama – my mother, comrade and queen

People & Relationships, Women's Room

I know you are enjoying one of your most aspired trips right now.

Since I started traveling solo, I’ve encouraged you to go on a trip by yourself. You needed and deserved it.

Solo travel is one of the best ways to learn and empower oneself, especially if you’re a woman. It has changed my life and I know it will change yours, too.

I’ve always wanted for you to discover again your freedom and all the other aspects of yourself. Life has given you another chance to know yourself and to do the things that you want to do without thinking if it would please your husband or your kids.

Being a wife and a mother has enriched your life but it also took so much from you. Women usually, if not always, sacrifice more of themselves than men do. You’ve lived your entire life for us. Now, it’s time to live your life for yourself.

I know there are still issues you are not fully resolved with. But you’ve come a long, long way. You’ve always been strong, yes. But you are stronger and wiser now. You’ve shown me how not to commit the same mistakes that you did. You’ve shown me how it’s never too late to redeem oneself.

I’ve seen how you’ve been both miserable and happy in the life you have chosen for yourself. It’s your life. I may not have the same preferences and dreams like the ones you’ve had but I’m proud of you for being able to take responsibility for them.

I’m so proud of you, mama. All your struggles and pain only made you more loving. You have a huge, deep, well of a heart and an understanding so vast. You are The Empress. You are a wealth of the world. The world will be dimmer without you.

I place honesty and freedom on the top of my list of values. I believe those things will always, always, give us peace of spirit and deep joy. I want you to live honest and free, mama. You are at your most beautiful when you do.

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There’s a Victim and a Fighter in all of us – To the Woman who can’t leave her abusive partner

People & Relationships, The Self, Women's Room

I don’t claim to know your reasons. I don’t claim to know your situation. I’ve never been a wife and a mother. But I am a woman. There was this striking moment in my life that I could not shake off, ’cause that’s the point – I should not let that memory go. It has saved me and it can still.

I remember the exact moment. It was late in the evening, at around ten. It was only a couple of hours after I was able to confront my then boyfriend to confess on me about his cheating. I was in a fast food eating with my mom. I was feeling very, very depressed, not because he cheated on me but because I forgave and accepted him again.

My mother was right. She said, if I was able to accept that kind of behavior, then what else could I not accept next time? We were not even married and we didn’t have a child. I practically didn’t have much reason to cling on to him. She asked me why did I even have this feeling that I needed him so much?

Then I heard myself talking to myself these exact words,

“This is the line you said you will not cross. If you cross this, there is no turning back. This will lead you straight to hell and this time – it’s your choice.”

I felt its raw truth all over my body. I could even remember how it tasted like, how it sounded like, how its breath felt like in my chest, in my ears, in my mind. I called him and broke up with him in an instant. I thought, in exchange of the love I shared with him, that was the kind of treatment he gave me in return (cheating, manipulating, lying for I couldn’t even say how long or how many times or if there really was a time when he was telling the truth).

I realized then, perhaps, that was how abuses kept on happening.

If we don’t have boundaries or if we keep on transgressing our own boundaries, we could keep on giving excuses for our abuser’s actions, we could keep on twisting the truth ourselves.

If we violate our own values and let ourselves down, it could become a habit – a fatal habit at that – and really, it could cost our lives. It could kill our bodies or our spirit – or both.

I could cope up with losing him but never with losing myself. I still knew what dignity meant and I was going to fight for it even if I had only myself to fight with (which made everything so much more difficult).

 

We are always given another chance to redeem ourselves. Let’s not waste our life letting these chances pass us by. I’m glad I’ve learned those lessons this early.

It’s never too late to learn and redeem yourself.

Take back your dignity and life. Own it. Be your own savior. It’s nobody else’s obligation to make you happy. It’s yours. Fight for the love and the life that you deserve.