To the little-girl-on-fire inside me

People & Relationships, The Self, Women's Room

You were right. I had to leave him. I had so many reasons to leave him but I still wanted to stay. I’ve forgiven him. Forgiving didn’t have to mean accepting him in my life again. I have my own values and violating these values would only mean death to you, the little girl on fire inside me.

I could still remember that decisive moment when I had to choose between you and him. I chose you. I could cope up with losing him but never with losing you.

Accepting him again would only be like saying to myself that he was more worthy than me, than you. Accepting him would only mean that there’s nothing else I won’t be able to not accept from that moment on.

I had to stand up for myself, for you.

From now on we both know that blessings will continue to come our way because we’ve earned it. There is nothing greater than living an authentic life inside-out. Only cowards would be comfortable living in chronic dishonesty and mediocrity. There is no peace, abundance and joy in a life filled with lies. It was easy to forgive him because what he did was very human. I knew where he was coming from. But accepting him again after what he did was something else.

He wasn’t able to change himself for the better (in fact, he only got worse in time) because he chose not to. He may have had his own share of pains and betrayals but not all who experience the same things end up hurting others, too.

We may be limited by our circumstances but we could always choose how to respond to them. Pain could either break or make us better. It’s our choice.

He broke my heart. He buried me so deep below. But it was my choice not to sink.

I fought for you, my little girl on fire. Nobody could kill you.

Maybe I was broken down for a time. But I picked up the good parts of me that were left and I rebuilt myself into a stronger and wiser version of me.

Bitterness and regret should not have a permanent place in my life. I didn’t want to end up hurting others because I was hurting, too. I surrendered myself to healing. I was not gonna make that pain that he caused turn me into a monster. I held on for who I was. I held on for you.

We are stronger than all these pain and loss. Love and goodness, these things will rise above all the negativity.

We were healed by an all-encompassing love. We will endure. We will get better. Life will get better for us who believe in its goodness.

I love you, little-girl-on-fire. I promise to keep you safe and protected. Nothing could kill your warmth and light. Please keep lighting up my life.

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