Activities · People · Self · Women

To my notebook of prayers and to Her who doesn’t need to read them because She could directly reach into my heart

I grew up a Catholic. I’ve studied in a Catholic School for a decade. I’ve always been chosen as the leader when it comes to prayers because I had a good memory and perhaps because they thought I was the postcard good girl.

But I’ve never really had a personal relationship with these prayers and with you. Until that night when I felt so broken and helpless that I literally wrote in what became my prayer notebook my first personal prayer “God, please protect  my heart tonight because it’s vulnerable right now.” That was all. The next morning I realized that despite having a broken heart and sleeping so late, my sleep had been peaceful and complete. I didn’t have nightmares, I didn’t wake up crying or screaming like I did the nights before that. I was simply given what I’ve asked for. You protected my heart so I could rest. I will never, ever forget that.

I’m in a better place now. I’ve traveled recently, I’ve met new friends and been catching up with old friends, new artistic opportunities are opening up, I’ve been slowly given the solitude I need, I’ve been learning how to surrender and become more forgiving, I’ve been learning how to set boundaries and I’ve been feeling the love and best wishes from the universe.

You had to let me get broken so I could be stronger but you’re not that cruel to just let me go on my own. You’ve always provided the help (I called “miracles”) that I need when I needed it.

You’ve also always been so sweet to me as to send your affection and loving thoughts through the people I’ve been meeting and the places I’ve been going to.

Thank you for giving me enough chances in life. Thank you for believing I’m worthy of these chances.

You always knew how stubborn I was. And you matched it up with equal (or more) stubbornness!

Never leave me in my healing. Never take the backseat in my journey. I want to travel with you. We are partners in life from now on.

I’m wiser now but I’m still an idiot in many ways. I’m stronger now but for sure I’ll still chicken out many times. Be there for me, please. Promise you’ll remain to be the most honest presence in my life. I need you. You are important to me. I won’t make it in this life without you. I still get anxious every day though I try not to. Please remind me to be silent whenever I do so I could hear what you have to say. I’m not so hopeless, after all. Please be patient with me, okay?

I’m sleeping in a while. Please take away the anxieties and fears in my heart. Let me allot all the space inside me for your loving peace. Tomorrow is a new day full of possibilities. May I become fully present to seize what it has to offer and to openly give what I can offer in return.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s